Intro To Chaos-day 1

[Maveric]

Here I am. Trying to get whole again...NOT SUCCEEDING... When I got back from Iraq in 2004 (second tour), I thought that the feelings of emptiness and anger would just casually fade away. Of course, that's not entirely the way things go. Within a year I lost everything, my career, my home, my car, my friends, even part of my sanity. My father (retired vet) tried his damnedest to help, but even this was just a Band-Aid over a deep laceration. Like most Vets, I headed to the VA for help. They decided medication was the key, so I followed blindly. If I could go back and punch myself in the face, I would... They started me on Prozac...and after being on the highest dose they could pump into me...FAIL. My first relapse, a medicated psychotic break down (2010), put me into a rehab institute (Drugs and Alcohol of all things). After a week with very little contact to the outside world, the release me back into the wild, with a new drug in my system...Effexor. At this point I got a lot of attention from the VA, or so I thought. In 2012, after recently getting married to a great woman, they decided that I should participate in the PTSD 101 Program. This is not a bad program for those who are freshly back into society, but for someone who had been dealing with all the backlash, it felt like a hot knife in the back. After this course, I thought I would get better, and I did for a time. As time went on, my mind started releasing images and memories that I had subconsciously suppressed to protect what was left of my sanity. After another relapse, I find myself here, with no meds, trying to piece together what is left. As of late, I have tried various different avenues for help, but I seem to slip right thru the cracks...never receiving call backs, or maybe they think I am faking it, but I am trying this one. I have a support group with my wife and my best friend, but this is me raising my hand for more help.
Today is the first day without the help of meds, so lets hope I can maintain!

 

[Deleted member 43454]

Welcome Maveric,
Sounds like you've been through the wringer.
With the med's did you come off of them slowly or did you just abruptly stop taking them?
What helps me with the anger or rage is medicinal cannabis.
I too have been through many different prescriptions and feel they do more harm than good.

 

[CyclePath]

Hey, Maveric!

 

[Maveric]

The Meds: The Pozac was immediately halted. With the Effezor I stepped my dosage down over several months once the VA stopped filling my prescription. Down here in GA, I don't believe the prescribe medical cannibis. I had tried cannibis twice in my life, and the last time was in 2005 it did not have the desired effect. I have been fighting with the VA since Febuary to get a new prescription, but they never call back to set up an appointment, or they send me on a wild goose chase, that ends the same place it started.

Hello to you as well CyclePath.

 

[nomedic1]

Welcome maveric

 

[dutchiedelta]

Welcome Maveric, make yourself at home.
Read the archives at leisure and feel free to ask what you cannot find.
We don't have all the answers either but we can sit with you and just be there when you need.

 

[Kaishi]

Welcome, Maveric.

Gratz on that first step. Takes balls, for true.

 

[vikingr24]

Don't let the VA run you around. Call and find out why you can't get an appointment. Find out why they discontinued your meds, which by the way, is not exactly the greatest for PTSD, or even depression. I took it myself and it was like eating candy. No sex drive. Weight gain. And really wild vivid dreams. But do not go off quickly. The VA should have known that.

Do the homework. If you find a good psych who knows PTSD and he says you don't have it, accept it as a blessing.

Welcome here while the search goes on.....It IS a merry go round.

 

[BaMuoiBa]

Welcome Maveric, as Vikingr24 said it's a merry-go-round with the VA and the meds. You have to be your own advocate with the meds and therapy.

You have to be direct with these folks who swear they have your best interest at heart. In the mean time some of the guys and ladies here have run the gauntlet on the subject and can share their successes and failures. Get to reading and don't feel shy about asking questions.

We don't deal with BS here just what works and what doesn't. Hang in there brother.

Ba