So I did my introduction, and was extremely vague as I usually am. That won't get me any where, it never has, and never will.
I am 21 years old now, I was 15 when I killed my father. He was extremely abusive in the last few years he was alive. I can understand why tho. I was a very troubled child. I had a severe drug addiction at an young age.
He and I fought all the time. I'm a pretty big guy. He used to beat my ass pretty bad, but I started learning how to fight back. It got to the point that I loved to fight. It made me feel strong when nothing else did.
One night I was grounded for stealing several thousand dollars. I tried to leave the house to go get high with my friends.
He wasn't going to let that happen. I was dead set on leaving. This equation always ended in a physical altercation. It was inevitable.
We got into it pretty bad. He had some of his friends at the house, so I made sure to make it a good fight. I wanted them to know that I was not someone that he or his friends could mess with.
He and I threw several punches back and forth. I took off my belt and I hit him in the face. Then I hit him pretty hard in the chest, and I took off running. I swallowed a hand full of xanax that were in my pocket because I saw a policeman turning on to our street.
He arrested me and I shortly passed out in the police car, the last thing that I saw was an ambulance with its sirens blaring heading towards my house. I woke up in the police station being interrogated by two detectives. I knew at that moment he had died. I showed no emotion, and have not really shown any since that night.
However, It eats me alive on the inside every day to the point that I cannot maintain any type of normal life. I am a drug addict, and I do not know what stability is. Since his death I have not stayed in a single place for more than 6 months. I can't hold healthy relationships with anyone. I don't trust anyone. If emotion is ever visible, it is only anger and rage.
