Intrusive Thoughts That Cause Physical Reactions

[712xx]

Sure, happens a lot, but I don't know what I look like when it does. People do stare at me, but I don't know what they're reacting to, since I can't see myself (sometimes can't hear myself). However, they stare at me even when my mind is clear and in control. So, when I have intrusive thoughts and body memory 'stuff' going on, my sense of reality is kinda skewed. I don't really know if they see I'm having trouble or not, because my interpretation of the world around me isn't exacly rational.

Their stares make me feel worse, like it is so obvious to everyone; even get paranoid they can read my mind, or they all know what is happening. I think, ... who have they been talking to to stare at me like they know everything? I haven't told them, so who did?

These are just my paranoid thoughts (I hope) getting out of control. I guess I'm weird at the best of times, so anything I do is just part of their 'she's just strange' impression of me. Everything I do, even if it is something normal, is going to just be slightly wrong or odd in their eyes.

It takes practice to handle these kinds of things. I've had to accept that it will always be 'them' and 'me'. So I have to handle my business the best way I know how (usually finding a quiet secluded place for a few minutes or just going home), and not worry about what others are thinking about me. Worrying about their impressions won't help me at all, so actively cutting them out of the 'coping moments' is important.

Intruisive thoughts, memories, physical 'ghost' memories ... the hardest ones to handle are when I physically overreact to someone who didn't mean any harm. Before I had a better handle on clamping down on that 'fighting back' reaction ... if anyone came up behind me, startling me with their hands or voice, or entered mypersonal space suddenly, I'd immediately hit them; not just a little, but a lot, even after the initial startle response had ebbed away. The first reaction was startle, but then turned to anger.

I had to learn how to clamp down on any kind of reaction I had, even the good ones, because I couldn't control the bad ones from turing violent. Being startled from behind didn't always make me feel bad -- even could just laugh at it sometimes. It didn't always make me crazy, lol. So, it was important to learn how to think before reacting externally. It isn't always possible to 'clamp it in', but it can be done most of the time now. It takes practice.

 

[LawPhotos]

When I have intrusive thoughts, sometimes they give me an adrenaline rush.

I get the adrenaline rush that you describe very often. There are many things that my T can just mention in a therapy session that trigger this. I don't talk about my trauma with anyone but my therapists, docs and my DBT group and if, while I am speaking, I so much as brush the surface of my trauma I get the adrenaline wave.

 

[bright_morning]

Wow so glad I found this thread. I too get these ticks, twitches, and occasionally my eyes will close almost involuntarily or roll back in my head. I hate it, I know people see it because it happens a lot. I manage to control the cringing except when I am alone, then I let it fly. This happens both during flashbacks of actual events or during times when I have horrible intrusive thoughts that are either sexually inappropriate or terribly violent. Then I feel really dirty or guilty. I was told by 2 therapists that the intrusive thoughts are projections of what happened to me, but that only helps a little.

They seem to come in waves and some days are worse than others. I feel very discouraged about this today. Today had been such a good day and then I was just slammed by awful thoughts and my twitches. And then it seems like when the intrusive thoughts stop I'm hit with flashbacks. Today is hard. :(

 

[Springer80]

Hi bright morning,

don't blame yourself. it's your physiology hijacking you. You can't do much to stop it once it starts apart from rest and don't feel down about yourself.

Ticks and twitches are adrenaline and flash backs are to do with right and left brain activity. I'm sorry it's been hard for you today. I know what it's like when you feel like you've been punched all over and you just want to lay down on the floor.

Put your feet up, grab a beer, have a bath, watch something fluffy and predictable on tv!!!

 

[ChoctawWarrior]

Intrusive thoughts sometimes bug me so much that I kind of twitch and/or talk to myself in an extremely anxious way (more whispering like and all of a sudden). I feel like people probably think I'm nuts or that I look like someone with severe Tourette's Syndrome (no offense intended- meant in a serious way). The thoughts scare me so bad....and they're somewhat trauma related, but more fearing I'll lose control and do something bad :(

 

[PearBlossom]

Yes. I call it the judders! It is like shuddering. If someone asks I say I got a chill down my neck. In the UK when someone does it, the judders... we ask "Who walked over your grave?"

I used to pawn it off to having a chill, but it's just gotten so much worse now. It's a full-on jolt, often with a gasp now.

When I get an intrusive thought I stop everything and get that 1000 mile stare. Lost in the memory. Most of the time I cry quietly along with it.

Ugh... I've had that a few times now. Horrible.

I'm glad I found this thread. I feel like I have Tourette's and my shoulders and back often ache from the tensing of my muscles. Same for my feet--I often feel like I've walked all day in a pair of heels. I'm extremely anti-med, but have even popped some ibuprofen for the muscle pain in the last month.

 

[Jenfa]

My eyes twitch in their sockets. I'm sure it must look like I'm on drugs, minus the good feelings lol. Restless leg can be a symptom of something else, though. Stress that brings on nerve pain can make legs pretty restless. Most of the time I don't notice that my legs ache. Depression sorta makes you feel like that all the time so it's not so noticeable. But it can be Fibromyalgia. Fibro is something that is misdiagnosed so often that I'm surprised it's even a thing. It makes you depressed, first of all. Second, you never get restful sleep. The aches travel from one place to another. One day in your legs, the next in your shoulders. It feels like you took a bad med and it's making you uncomfortably rigid and stiff. I thought it was in my head. Come to find out, it was! Right at the top of my spinal cord. Boom. There it is.