Is Everything A Trigger?

[Tamara E.]

My kids are doing nothing out of the normal right now. They want something to eat, ofcourse they want to tell me "the mother" that they are hungry. Instead it feels like they are asking of me, taking apiece of me. Without giving anything in return. I know this can not be a normal feeling. I just everyone that has ever tooken something from me, everyone that has used me in so many different fashions. My younger 2 kids are in the room right now currently bickering, but I am so tired of fighting, arguing. Their argument is driving me insane on the inside. It is all starting to feel like explosions on the inside with fast heart pacing to follow. My partner will be home soon, the first thing she will ask "what did you do today?". I would love to answer "breathing deeply" and for her to completely get what I am talking about. Yet it is guaranteed that it wont happen. Those are the only things that have happened in the last 10 minutes to drive to me imploding. I have more hours in the day? How do I survive this. The thought of tomorrow is exhausting right now. This can not be right.

 

[reallydown]

Hi Tamara. Welcome to the forum. I don't have kids so I can't offer any words of wisdom. I do know that even parents without ptsd can get overwhelmed and annoyed by bickering etc. so don't be too hard on yourself in that respect. I also know how difficult it can be to just take deep breaths when symptoms are flaring all over the place. Have you been able to find anything that might help calm you down at least a little bit when it gets like this? Maybe have your partner be with the kids while you take a relaxing bath/shower? Or maybe put some music on? Hang in there.

 

[bethinhfx]

I don't have kids either but walking my dog when I am having a hard time is arduous so I can just imagine! I think its important for kids to know that parents have needs also so I would suggest you take some time for yourself if you are able. I spend a lot of time taking care of myself: baths, eating right, running, yoga, meditation, and just processing my feelings. Some people may say its selfish but it has paid dividends in my ability to be there for other people, and not suffer from burn out. Take care of yourself, you deserve it!Peace.

 

[Queen Boudica]

Hi Tamara, I have 3 kids aged, 11, 8 and 3 and I know exactly where you are coming from. Could have written the words myself.

I'm on this journey with you and it is a really hard one. Having kids triggers me back to my childhood. Them bickering, fighting, shouting, screaming, crying. Yes it is all triggering. And I am finding more and more triggers and realising there are so many.

I'm starting to learn how to cope with it. It is hard.

You have a partner, that is good. You need time out, time to yourself, to breathe, to relax, to bring yourself down. Your partner can help so much with this, taking the kids for days out or even longer so you can have a break. Do stuff for yourself, pamper yourself. Learn breathing techniques and self hypnosis. Yes, yoga or pilates, walking.

I now realise what I learnt from my childhood and my mother was not how to mother at all. I have to learn how to be that cool, calm mother. Calm means staying calm when it is all erupting around me. Keeping in control, sending the kids to time-out (so that I get time out), low calm voice, not shouting, that just escalates the whole thing. Calming the house down.

Really really difficult when you are triggered and right up there with the stress cup. I'm understanding but putting into practice is really hard. I'd recommend seeing a counsellor or therapist to help dealing with all this. They can guide you.

I hope that helps. You are not alone.

 

[Muzikluvr]

I've got kids and sometimes they trigger the crap out of me. Whether they're actually fighting, pretending to fight, whining, tattling, or even getting along like my brother and I used to pre-trauma. Everything can be a trigger for me. Then, I'm on edge... sending them to their rooms and forgetting to make dinner for them because I'm taking hours to calm down. You're not alone.

 

[goingonhope]

I think its important for kids to know that parents have needs also so I would suggest you take some time for yourself if you are able. I spend a lot of time taking care of myself: baths, eating right, running, yoga, meditation, and just processing my feelings. Some people may say its selfish but it has paid dividends in my ability to be there for other people, and not suffer from burn out.

I think all these wonderful things you do bethinhfx is called self-preservation and would set a good example if you did have kids.

Others calling it selfishness is just passing along bad info., or with bad motive.

 

[bethinhfx]

@goingonhope: :)

 

[Tamara E.]

I love all the replies and thankful that I got a reply.

 

[712xx]

Hey Tamara, have you ever talked to your kids during the calm times? One of my schools I attended had a stop light in the lunch room. When the noise level got too high, the yellow light came on to signal to the kids to quiet things down. If the noise didn't quiet down within a reasonable amount of time, then the red light came on and we couldn't talk at all for 5 minutes. Maybe you could do something like that with them. Come up with a warning light or signal when you are starting to feel really stressed, so they can be more aware of their own behavior. Then have a silent period if they don't take steps to correct their behavior.

Hope today is a better day.
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