Is It Ok To Get Angry At Other People?

[junglegirl]

@anthony I acknowlege your post. Can we please have some peace now between us?
Thanks. Nite=)

 

[Survivor2Thriver]

I'm not sure of the purpose of the thread.

It depends on your definition of venting and/or anger. LOL

 

[Meadowsweet]

Do not judge me. Your behavior towards me is hateful you need to be more introspective.

If someone said directly to me, "you are not worthy of my precious time", I consider that...

Earlier on in the thread some of us spoke about the significance of the wording we use. To say, "you are..." is aggressive and blaming the other. But to say "I feel..." is expressing what is actually going on more honestly. It is also owning those feelings and taking responsibility for them.

So I was commenting on how I would feel if you said those words to me. I also gave a logical reason why I felt that those words are unnecessary in setting a boundary.

@Hashi, for me, it was addressing my self doubt about where (and whether I'm entitled to) to put my boundaries, when it comes to people expressing their anger. But it has turned into an interesting discussion on how to express anger, and looks at it from many different angles. So I'm finding the discussions between others as enlightening as what I originally asked about.

 

[Survivor2Thriver]

I feel distress

You feel distress? Please don't. What matters is I stood up to a psychopath and triumphed. My brave 8yr old self was trying to out the sick bastards in my family. It may not sound like triumph...it certainly didn't FEEL like at the time.

sick dickheads

Are you venting my grandfather is a sick dickhead or angry he is a sick dickhead? Or simply stating the truth. :)

 

[Philippa]

You feel distress? Please don't.

I felt that at the time...and that's ok. I'm allowed to feel whatever I feel...feelings come and go. It was a distressing story to read.

Are you venting my grandfather is a sick dickhead or angry he is a sick dickhead? Or simply stating the truth. :)

I was stating truth, not venting.

 

[Survivor2Thriver]

I was stating truth, not venting.

:joyful:

sick dickheads. I feel distress from reading this. I feel like reaching out and calmly stroking your hair in a comforting way. So sorry.

I prefer to use humor. I read your above statement and laughed! Be careful honey...I bite! Humor releases negative energy.

I felt that at the time...and that's ok. I'm allowed to feel whatever I feel...feelings come and go. It was a distressing story to read.

Yes,each of us are allowed to feel how we feel.

 

[Philippa]

I read your above statement and laughed! Be careful honey...I bite!

I'm sorry, am I missing something here? I feel like we're on two different wavelengths and I'm not sure which one you're on?

Why do I need to be careful of you biting me? I don't think I have said anything to intentionally induce your hostility, but if that has happened would you mind pointing out what exactly I did, at least, apart from express my feelings and offer comfort? If my words came across as patronizing, then say so. They were intended to be comforting, but if you didn't appreciate them then that's ok.

If we are both allowed to feel what we are feeling then why is it I am feeling like I'm being warned...almost threatened... for expressing my feelings, which are different to yours or how you would prefer me to feel? I'm honestly confused here...and I don't like being called honey much either, when it comes across as hostile.

 

[BloomInWinter]

Please keep this thread on topic. Thanks.

 

[Survivor2Thriver]

I'm sorry, am I missing something here?

Yes. Humor!!! LOL :)

 

[Philippa]

Ok, this isn't really productive, so I will leave you to your funnies. I guess we have different senses of humour because I didn't find it humorous at all.

It felt a lot like "lighten up, you have no sense of humour for not laughing at being told I'm going to bite you if you're not careful and for me laughing at your response to my distressing story, like I would have prefered you to", like aggression thinly veiled as "humor", to me...yeah, I know that one well. Whatever. You don't get to dictate what I feel or how I respond to what you share.

Perhaps add an emoticon next time so I know what the hell you're talking about or say something actually funny and I might laugh....M'kay.

 

[Survivor2Thriver]

Phillippa your words triggered me. "Sick dickhead and stroking my hair." You triggered me in a good way. My T has been helping me with acknowledging my strengths. The only time my grandpa gently stroked my hair was as he was begging me to unclench my jaw! They had to use ether to get me off. LOL Yay me! I celebrate my strengths. :) Unfortunately you took it personally.

 

[circe47]

Unless you or someone you're protecting is in physical danger, is it ever ok to express anger directly towards others?

Yes, it is okay to express anger directly towards others if their behavior is insulting, disrespectful, invalidating. Being insulting, disrespectful, invalidating is just plain old verbal abuse and anger is a normal reaction to that abuse.

The healthy way to express that anger is very important. It is best to try to disarm rather than bunch up and fight back. Nothing will be solved with angry words or behavior. It just makes things worse.

My boyfriend the other day told me that he'd like to spot $100 for our 60 year old male roommate. This male roommate earns like $75 an hour- when he lands an occasional temp job. He is also the kind of person who buys a brand-new gaming comp and games, i.e. at least a grand or two, but has no job or income. This is irresponsible with money, and I refuse to support that.

I explained to my BF that roomie had just gotten paid, after I brought in 5 days worth of mail to sort and distribute, so I know that this man had just been paid. However, my BF, in front of roommates, asked me this question and I quietly said no, he just got paid. My BF instead of letting it go, proceeded to ask the roommate, in front of me, "do you need a hundred bucks or so to get by?" Roomie lit up like a christmas bulb, naturally. He had just been gifted free money that came out of my SS benefits.

Ooooooo……I can't tell you how badly that peeled my cap! I was so FURIOUS. I caught my BF in our room and he got a full on verbal smack down. I shouted, slammed the door like a 3-year old. But, when someone blatantly, disregards your words or feelings, it is very okay to be angry. Ya just gotta not be a baby about it, like I was.