Relationship Is It Ptsd Or That He Is An Introvert?

[Sandi79]

My boyfriend does not like to talk to people about his problems. He likes to spend a lot of time alone, he enjoys being able to listen to audio books, play video games or just go on the internet. It is difficult for my boyfriend to be in social settings because he says "I do not like most people".

For the longest time, we both had assumed it was due to the PTSD, he thought there was "something wrong" with him, that this was not normal.

After reading a lot of information about introverts, and him stating he is one, I am wondering if his need for space and time alone is because of being an introvert and not related to the PTSD?

If this is the case, I think our relationship will be easier to adjust. I am an extrovert. I am understanding that he is not. I no longer feel that I need him to spend a lot of time with me to show he cares. Even if we were to live together again, I believe I would be comfortable with spending less time together and more time doing our own things.

I would love to hear everyone's thoughts.

 

[JadedGhost13]

I am like your boyfriend, I do not like to talk about my problems, I spend probably 90% of my time alone and prefer it that way. For me, I always liked being alone as long as I can remember, but I know it got worse after my first PTSD meltdown. Only a doctor could tell you for sure if your boyfriend is an introvert or his symptoms are related to his PTSD. It does not matter if he is an introvert, or having symptoms because of PTSD. Either way, just respect him and do not push him outside of his comfort zone. If he doesn't want to talk about his problems, don't force him, he could get enraged. If he needs to be alone, respect that wish.

 

[Sandi79]

That is what I am doing. Before, I just wanted to spend time with him and talk. I realize now, he gave me signs he wanted to be alone. I chose to ignore them.

I'm working on being more aware of other people's needs.

 

[Ryn]

I am very much an introvert, and I need my solitude or else I go crazy. But I have noticed that my isolation has been exacerbated by the PTSD to the point where I am far more reclusive and solitary than is healthy. I used to be fine with spending a couple hours with one or two good friend; now I tend to stay away from everyone.

The way my introversion used to manifest in social situations was through quiet people-watching - not saying much, definitely keeping in the background, but still able to enjoy myself for a certain period of time. Now, with PTSD, I might say the same as your boyfriend - "I don't like most people", which for me translates as "I don't trust/feel safe with most people."

Just my experience, but in my case PTSD turned healthy introversion into many long nights of desperate isolation. I will never be an extrovert, but I am far from happy with the extent to which I've locked myself away per the past year or so.

 

[Sandi79]

I am trying to respect his need to be alone. I'm also working on not worrying when he can't or doesn't contact me.

He told me last night his phone keeps shutting itself off and he will be getting it taken care of tonight after work, so if I didn't hear from him that is why. I have been very good about not texting him today, knowing he won't be able to see or respond anyway. It is a big step for me, I usually worry when I do not hear from him. I would always begin to think he didn't want to talk to me, was upset with me or was doubting his love for me. I am reminding myself, none of those is true. :)

 

[JadedGhost13]

Sandi79, it sounds like you are doing a fantastic job of respecting his wishes. Just keep caring for him, and when he feels comfortable he will come out of his shell a little at a time as his mind and body allow him. I know people worry when someone they love does not contact them. I am bad bout ignoring my phone, not answering online messages, and sometimes I wont even answer the door at my house. My mom will call my husband, my husband has a couple of people he sends to my house if I am not answering him.... And I do get irritated when they do these things, but I do deep down understand that they re watching out for me because the care or love me.

My biggest problem with people that are close to me is I feel like they do not respect my space. I am constantly told "If you want to talk you know how to reach me, I am here for you" They really do not understand that I DO NOT want to talk about it. That's what I pay a therapist for. I do not believe my mother wants to hear me talk about dreaming of killing her in a most gruesome way. Its nothing personal towards anyone who loves me and cares for me, its just that I don't feel comfortable talking to them, and do not want them to know just what it is that I experience because then they would worry even more and probably invade my space more often.

Just keep caring for and supporting your boyfriend, do so in a way you are both comfortable with.

 

[Sandi79]

Thank you so much. I really appreciate your insight. He will share with me if and when he is ready. Until then, he knows I am here and willing to do what we need to for this to work out, for both of us.

 

[Lady of Longbourn]

I once told my therapist that I am not a social person. My therapist disagreed and told that he thinks I am actually very social but that I just have bad social anxiety problems. The more healthy I get the more I realize that my therapist is probably correct.

Just something to keep in mind.

 

[The Albatross]

Not definitive, but a quick check to tendency would be the Briggs Meyers personality types indicators test. I am typically viewed as an extrovert though I am an introvert by nature. I have done the long version twice and know others here have. It can though be skewed by the questioner should he or she attempt to perceive the "right answer".

 

[Sweetpea76]

If he was already an introvert, PTSD will just exacerbate that trait.

Did you also say he was a vet? In general, combat vets with PTSD are also going to have issues with their patience/temper, so keep in mind when he has a need to isolate, he means it. If he doesn't get his solitude, he is going to get irritated. That will make the isolation worse, longer, what have you.

 

[Sandi79]

Yes, my boyfriend is a vet. I believe he has told me he was introverted as a child,as well.

I need to be more aware of his signs when he needs to be alone. His signs were very obvious and I didn't see it until after the fact.
I don't work very much in the office, so I am home alone most days. I would be so excited when he got home from work or drill and want to talk and socialize. I realize now, he wanted to relax. He would listen to an audio book or go down to his office. He was giving me signs that he needed time to himself.

I am working on being more aware of other people and their needs. He called me yesterday and told me about his day, which was very busy and a little crazy. He asked about mine and then I told him I was going to let him go so he could get settled in and relax. I didn't text him, I didn't bother him. I was not lonely because of it. I did my own thing and it actually felt good.

Our living arrangement fell apart because I did not give him his space when he needed it. The whole issue was he had a really bad day, a long day and I pushed him to talk about it. I knew he was upset and did not leave him alone. I am going to work on myself.

 

[Sandi79]

I might actually be good at this.

He is in Ohio for a few weeks for his new job. He texted me after work, I kept it short and sweet and told him I would be up awhile if he wanted to text or chat later because I'm sure he is tired, hungry and in need of a good shower. He said "thank you".

I can do this.