General Is It True If He Says He Does Not Mind? Question For Vets And Spouses

[holdenmonty]

@Lemontree I do trust my wife now a little more each day, some days are easier than others. Talking about my triggers and my story kind of go hand in hand. because telling my story is telling about my trauma and telling about my triggers aren't a very comfortable topic because I guess subconciously if I talk about my trauma which I tend to use story instead of trauma because it just seems better but anywayit's a lot like what moonbeam was talking about with being vulnerable. It's tough to be vulnerable because then I have to be trusting enough of the person or enviroment that I won't be judged.

Also when I talk about my story and my triggers it can bring up the different not positive emotions that I had in the situation. Such as I don't plan on going to watch the movie American Sniper because it shows a lot of scenes of the deployed location and it will bring back a lot of different memories that I would rather not remember.

Also something that I have learned through my therapy sessions is that I feel the need to be seen as strong and brave and I felt/still feel at times that if I reveal my weaknesses then people will think that I am weak.

 

[Deleted member 28812]

You ARE very brave and not weak :)

 

[holdenmonty]

I have slowly been learning this and having to tell myself that. All the positive responses from me sharing my story at the event and then from me sharing the video on here has helped me telling myself that I'm brave instead of weak. I was just thinking about things and also realized something that was really vital to my recovery and making all the progress that I have made is myself. I have tried telling myself to make the progress for my wife or my boys but I have had to realize that I want to be better for them but also for myself. The main thing is being motivated to change, and to be able to accept help from our supporter my wife for me, and you for him. I had to get to the point that I realized that I wasn't the best me and had to realize that it was ok to ask for help.

 

[Deleted member 28812]

I like your attitude! :)

 

[holdenmonty]

@Lemontree thanks That is when my attitude is good though... it feels like ptsd is a rollercoaster.... there are times when your attitude is good but doesn't seem to last very long and then you hit a slump but work in getting back up the hill until you are at a high point and then it feels like you slump back down again. It's a constant work inprogress

 

[Deleted member 28812]

Is it possible for you to notice when you are in a slump and tell yourself that it will get better again?

 

[holdenmonty]

It's a little complicated but I usually do, like a week or so ago I noticed that I was just generally angry and in the slump and I'm almost out of the slump. It took me a little while to realize that I was in a slump but once I did I realized that the only way I was going to get out of the slump was to find the cause which ended up being my brother in law and supervisor. But other times it could be as something as little as the bad drivers that I feel like I have to always watch out for, that one was a little more difficult to get out of because there isn't any way to solve the problem. But other times I just find myself in a bad attitude and once I figure out that I don't really have anything that caused the bad attitude I basically kick myself in the butt by listening to happier music or just tell myself about all the good things that I have going for me.

And the most complicated thing is slumps can happen at any moment and can last an hour, a day, a week, or even a month this past slump is the longest slump I have been in and it was about a solid month. But for me personally when I stopped seeing my counselor and got into a slump for two months and needed my therapist help to get me out of it then I kind of call it falling into a hole even though it doesn't really make any sense it works in my interesting brain