Is my boyfriend "ghosting" me or is he just isolating himself?

[Jay02]

My boyfriend and I haven't talked since Tuesday night. I had a feeling something was wrong, but he reassured me that night that he was all right. I know one has no control over PTSD and what happens, but he usually tells me that "hey, I'm not okay" and that's my cue to give him his space.

I have been texting him only a good morning and a good night text (spaced out through the day so he doesn't feel like I'm suffocating him).

But, today, I noticed he deleted all bouts of social media, which he never does. So, naturally, I freaked the f*ck out. I was becoming even more worried. I called him, left a message. Texted his brother to see if my boyfriend was doing okay. Sent another text to my boyfriend, but he just read it (he has read receipts on).

I know it's only been a couple of days, but is he "ghosting" me or is he isolating himself? This is completely different than the previous times that he's been in a slump.

 

[EveHarrington]

I’m sure you explained this in another thread, but why does he have read receipts on? It seems like a cruel way of taunting you.

“Yo, I want you to know that I read your text but you’re not important enough to respond to!”

Unfortunately nobody here can tell you if he’s isolating or ghosting. :-(

 

[Jay02]

I’m sure you explained this in another thread, but why does he have read receipts on? It seems like a cruel way of taunting you.

“Yo, I want you to know that I read your text but you’re not important enough to respond to!”

Unfortunately nobody here can tell you if he’s isolating or ghosting. :-(

It’s something he’s always had on, even before we were together! But, he did finally respond. He said he loves me a lot too and he’s not doing okay. Also said that he’s “doing a lot of rethinking about what he can do.” He’s had a realization that he can’t do Firefighting (because his body is just not the same anymore as it was before. He put a lot of stress, and wear and tear on it), which was something he desperately wanted to pursue.

I hope it’s in terms of his career and not our relationship. He’s the type of guy who will tell me upfront if it’s us that he’s rethinking about. I just get so deep into my thoughts and the bad and negativity is where I usually go to first.

 

[Abstract]

I don't know. I can imagine being in a situation where I couldn't reply but felt at least the person knew I read the message. Its hard to say. The sad thing is its impossible to say whats happeneing for him from here. Hope all is resolved. Know that the more the pressure and ecpctations the more I withdraw for me.

 

[Ronin]

The way I am reading it?

He is doing some thinking that is never easy (future careers, disability, changes in what you can do and cannot), that takes some time (and is understandably depressing, or at least challenging)... however, just because he does not want to spend time on social media, and would rather focus on something else / more productive? Is not yet reason for panic. :) It is just a deletion. Deleting things can be helpful and productive.

You also said he would tell you, and is not the kind of guy that leads people on.
So, assuming that is correct?
Nothing is happening with your relationship.
Do not lose so many days tying yourself up in knots over him, and focus on self care and back to needs of your own life, not just the life with him, as that one is not going anywhere, is not even on a standby.

 

[Friday]

Slightly OT from your actual question.,.

He’s had a realization that he can’t do Firefighting (because his body is just not the same anymore as it was before. He put a lot of stress, and wear and tear on it), which was something he desperately wanted to pursue.

Let him know about Team Rubicon | Built To Serve It’s volunteer disaster response “for vets & kick ass civilians” :sneaky:

Volunteer and limited duration (few weeks here, few weeks there) is doable ...when full time & first response is heartbreakingly impossible. And there are zillions of “types” of work, in disasters, so even if you don’t have legs, you can still man a lot of stations and be valued for it. Still be useful.

And it makes working a jobby-job the rest of the year less horrifying.

 

[Jay02]

The way I am reading it?

He is doing some thinking that is never easy (future careers, disability, changes in what you can do and cannot), that takes some time (and is understandably depressing, or at least challenging)... however, just because he does not want to spend time on social media, and would rather focus on something else / more productive? Is not yet reason for panic. :) It is just a deletion. Deleting things can be helpful and productive.

You also said he would tell you, and is not the kind of guy that leads people on.
So, assuming that is correct?
Nothing is happening with your relationship.
Do not lose so many days tying yourself up in knots over him, and focus on self care and back to needs of your own life, not just the life with him, as that one is not going anywhere, is not even on a standby.

Thank you for this! I was stressed out the entire day and even sent his brother a text to ask him if he could check up on my boyfriend for me.

After his response of saying that he’s doing a lot of rethinking about what he can do, I did reassure him and said that if he needs any help, I’m here for him and that I will be by his side through every step as well as working on it together. I hope he allows me in, but I am trying not to expect too much.

 

[Jay02]

Slightly OT from your actual question.,.


Let him know about Team Rubicon | Built To Serve It’s volunteer disaster response “for vets & kick ass civilians” :sneaky:

Volunteer and limited duration (few weeks here, few weeks there) is doable ...when full time & first response is heartbreakingly impossible. And there are zillions of “types” of work, in disasters, so even if you don’t have legs, you can still man a lot of stations and be valued for it. Still be useful.

Thank you! I will let him know about it. I’m still trying to gauge the situation, so hopefully he will be all right in a few days to talk to me.