Is Relationships Realistic For Someone Like Us?

[Sing2me]

After leaving my ex husband 2 years ago I was against getting in any new relationships. It worked for me just having a guy friend, if he got attached I'd leave. Somehow I ended up getting serious with a good guy. Nothing like I've ever had. He is by no means weak, but I've taught him some jujitsu, how to properly shoot...and he's trying to teach me to let someone in. But he comes from another world. Never seen a friend die, been abused and raped, fight for survival, be the one that has to take control of a deadly situation and keep others alive. Hes had a really good life no real hardships, his own words. He knows I have ptsd and I try my best to protect him from it. Right now I am so numb to feelings it is exhausting me pretending. A couple months ago a person I care about was buried alive, October was the death anniversary of 5 people I love, next week another death anniversary. I'm young and feel like I should be old. I feel alone surrounded by him and his wonderful family because I know I'll never truly fit in and be understood. Anyone have any thoughts? Do I need to leave because I do not belong or would that be robbing myself of ever having something good? I Don't know anymore.

 

[anthony]

Is Relationships Realistic For Someone Like Us?

Yes, is the simple answer. It's more about us, as sufferers, being at a place where we can be in a relationship with communication and not do our normal behaviours, but fight beyond them for the sake of our partner, yet the partner also knows when to back-off AND when to push us for the better.

 

[Sing2me]

He says I love you fifty times a day, I still feel like choking every time I say it. At first all I could say was 'the same'. How romantic is that. I've never been in this position of vulnerability and it terrifies me. I've had ptsd since I was a kid. My dad has it. It's what I know. I don't think I'll ever be ready. I guess it's something I'll either have to let go of or tough it out and see what happens. It's just so different. I found out my eardrums ruptured but couldn't tell the doctor when. Had been walking around with pneumonia for 2 weeks that was caught by my doctor over a visit for something completely unrelated. But they get a head cold and think they are dying. It's just a strange world for me I suppose.

 

[Nam]

Sometimes it takes two people from complete different worlds to make it work. My husband has what I call a pristine life. Not much has tarnished him. And I'm so glad. I used to be jealous of his overly optimistic nature, but realized that we balance each other out. A relationship is not a destination. It's something that is cultured, molded, and created. It's always changing. Your PTSD will change too. Part of healing is to learn to adjust, accept love, and give it freely.

 

[Deleted member 1860]

I'd say no.

 

[Intrepid]

I used to regret all of my mistakes in relationships, and all of theirs. Now I think I deserve to be in a relationship, but not necessarily in a perfect one. I get what I get. And other people have a choice too. It's not all about me. (I used to think it was all about me.)

It's just so different.

I thinks "choking" out an I love you once in a while is really romantic. I've been dating someone for 4 months. We are having a great time, but we haven't said "I love you" yet. Its different for everyone, for every relationship.

 

[greenleaf]

I hope you will keep working at it and do your best. You have an incredible amount to offer others, and a person like your partner also has an incredible amount to offer... Everyone is from different worlds to some extent; sharing worlds is a skill to be developed, not an innate ability, so you can keep improving at it your whole life and just not give up if you don't want to. Unfortunately life always throws trauma at everyone, sooner or later. Even those with seemingly charmed lives. I think that working on the good connections with people is an amazingly wonderful thing to focus on in the long run, as the universe isn't set up to preserve anyone's string of good fortune...

 

[AngelKeeperJ]

ALL relationships take a LOT of work, understanding, talking things out, and learning new ways to communicate. If you don't give up, I think he could be great comfort to you....someone with NO emotional baggage is hard to find. He might consider reading all he can about loving someone with PTSD, if he loves you, he will do what he can to help. Knowing what NOT to say, is as important as what TO SAY!!!

I hope you give it a chance....everyone deserves happiness!!! I pray for good things to happen and that joy will be the result!!!

 

[TonyG]

I have been married for 25 years and my trauma was 30 years ago, I can't imagine my life with out my wife, she supports me and gives me space when I need it, it's takes two willing people to make it work.

 

[Karen12]

I agree with Solara. For some, no. For others, yes.

If you're young, Cherokee, you have a lot of time to work on things, give yourself that time.

 

[Anarchy]

"Is Relationships Realistic For Someone Like Us?"

I used to think I was good at relationships - now, no

but, I've just had an ex (we were together for 8 years+) tell me that I'm probably more ready to be in a relationship now, than I've ever been.

Perhaps, knowing what we do, makes us much less confident, but more able?

What does your partner think?

I've found it easy to think I was doing someone a favour by removing my crap from their much more promising life and future - and them be devastated by my abandoning them.

 

[somerandomguy]

Getting into another relationship - another marriage - was, I believe, a mistake for me, but since I can't go back in time I am doing my best to make it work.