Relationship Is There Any Positive Relationships Supporters Are In?

[Saint Nik]

Also, if the board were filled with people talking about how great their relationships with their sufferers are, I think that would be off putting to those who are having problems.

I get this too. I really do. I know how tough it is for supporters to live alongside a sufferer. But the double sided coin I was struggling with. . .there wasn't much mention of how supporters are brilliant, that they are appreciated, needed even! Or even supporters saying positive things about sufferers to give the feeling to others like myself and other people suffering, reading these threads the feeling that we are progressing, or other things to focus on, work on. . . I believe we should all share what is going on, but I don't believe in unpacking our emotional baggage and staying in the sorrow, the hurt, the pain. As a PTSD sufferer. . .I want to change that label of myself and become a PTSD survivor and to let other sufferers as well as supporters know that it's through compassion, understanding, awareness, help, support that gets us there. Love is definitely the key and that is why I wanted to see if both supporter and survivors learned something positive about their experiences. Express the good too. . . and also, being challenged with such a question -
Is There Any Positive Relationships Supporters Are In?
Get's people thinking differently instead of focusing only on the bad all the time. I wanted to help and change the track of thought and get people thinking what PTSD has made them learn about themselves and their supporters. What has supporters learned. . . and that would be another way to look at PTSD in a different light! :)

 

[Deleted member 28812]

First of all I don't label my husband "my sufferer". That's so negative... and second: yes, I do think we do have a good relationship https://www.myptsd.com/threads/the-benefits-of-having-ptsd-or-being-a-spouse.52379/

 

[Saint Nik]

First of all I don't label my husband "my sufferer". That's so negative... and second: yes, I do think...

I read your thread. How I found the positive in my PTSD: is that I was brought up by an abusive, violent, alcoholic, narcissistic mother. My father left when I was only 18 months. So you can say right from the start I was never really going to feel loved and have a stable, strong, secure childhood.
I then met my partner and we have been together for years and it was rocky as hell because of the childhood trauma I was recovering from, this resulting in me always pushing him away for my own protection. I lacked trust in all human beings, I waited on people disappointing me or bringing me down. It was all I had ever known. Then a near death experience happened and a month after that my abusive mother passed away at the young age of 51! PTSD set right in about me and I was riddled with anxiety, depression and panic attacks for the next 3 years after that.
So, here I am living in a nightmare, my body and my mind are now no longer my own. My partner of 12 years watches me in physical pain and tormented by demons of the past and brutally attacked nightly with terrifying emotions, images and flashbacks! I began to show my partner something that I had never shown him before. . . I became vulnerable.
And with that vulnerability, PTSD broke down my hard exterior wall I had built because of my childhood, crashing around me, exposing my emotions and feelings to my partner (and yes, it could have went the worst possible way and he could have used it all against me like others in the past would have!) He had no choice but to witness my nervous breakdown.

It was then I realised what true love meant. He gave it a new meaning, a new definition for me, that love isn't conditional at all. . .and since I showed my complete self (you don't have any choice but to show fear, hurt, cry, scared, worried, anger, upset, stressed, despair, helplessness, crazy, insane, distress, etc. . .with PTSD) he saw everything. The soul was basically naked and exposed! And he in return showed he loved, cared, showed empathy, compassion with what he saw and that is what PTSD taught me, especially about relationships! It's made us stronger, more solid as a couple and I just wanted to know if that is what PTSD did for other couples too!

 

[Mit]

My childhood traumas led me to develop a coping strategy in which I 're-enacted' abusive and traumatising sexual experiences. I started doing this when I was a teenager, always in secret and on my own, weird yes but harmless. My re-enacting became known to social services, long story but I videoed myself, yes I know odd thing to do, and unintentionally copied the video onto my work laptop, my employer found it, sacked me and reported me to the police who passed it on to social services because we had kids.

Social workers didn't understand or believe there was a link between my re-enacting and my childhood abuse and in their wisdom decided this meant I was a potential risk to my kids and other kids. They made me leave home for six weeks and told all our friends with kids they thought I was a potential risk. Whilst I was living away a posse (three female friends of my partner) came to our home and attempted to bully my partner into ending our relationship and not allowing me back. We'd been together for 13 years and had two kids age 10 and 11. My partner was incredibly vulnerable at the time, I was living elsewhere and social workers were investigating every aspect of our lives. Apparently the opinion of the social workers was enough to convince these 'friends' they knew all they needed to know about me, and to tell my partner she must split up our family. Kick me out or lose their friendship.

My partner was distressed and devastated by their actions. She told them the opinions about me were totally wrong, but they wouldn't listen. She stood alone and told the three of them to leave. They never spoke to her or me again. A year later social services were proved wrong and they left us alone.

That was five years ago. She stood by me in the face of huge distress and overwhelming pressure, and lost nearly all friendships in the process. A miscarriage of justice that can't be undone.

We are still together, love and support each other, and our kids are thriving.......That's why F**k 'em all.....

 

[Purplemunchkin]

I posted one last year https://www.myptsd.com/threads/good-news-for-a-change.45769/

I can't say whether our relationship is stronger due to PTSD as I didn't know hubby before his diagnosis.

I do love him though. I wouldn't come to these forums if I didn't.

 

[Saint Nik]

A year later social services were proved wrong and they left us alone.

This is what I keep telling people. Yes, Doctor's, therapy, counselling, psychologists, clinicians, mental health workers do have their purpose. . . . but none of them know us completely. . .even after assessment, observation. . .it's only us that know ourselves from the core, because we feel it. I am so glad you knew your deeper issue and I hope you are now recovering and your wife sounds similar to my partner. . . she believes you, she loves you, she knows the real you, she is obviously strong, stable and secure in her own core, mind and body. . .and it's good you both seem to have got rid of these so-called friends that turned out to be like everyone else!

I hope wherever you are in your recovery @Mit that the only setbacks (if any) you have are because they come with PTSD, anxiety, panic and even depression and that these setbacks are not due to unkind people in your life anymore!

Take care and what a wonderful wife you have, she sounds similar to my partner :hug:

 

[Atsea11]

Hi,

I just ask because I mainly read in threads that relationships with supporters with sufferers are...

I really love that you ask this question , as I believe focus on positive is as important as understanding the negative aspects of all of this . My current position is slightly different to my wholistic belief about living with a partner with PTSD which I will mention at the end . For the most part though it did bring me closer , I have compassionate understanding for my partner and understanding his history and the severity of traumatic events underlying his near death experience with the car accident which seemed to just open pandora a box , I simply felt I would never choose not to have him in my and his girls lives just because of his position . I tried to educate myself as best I could , our extended family and our friendship circles were their to support and understand , I tried to offer nutrition or natural stress relief suggestions because he refused medication ,I requested regular therapy , couples counselling, a retreat room in our home , the girls came to understand their daddy was a bit different and I explained stress, anxiety and PTSD to them as best I could . The problem might be he was inconsistent with committing to any of this ( and maybe this is a symptom of PTSD ??) further , he was secretive and chose not to communicate about anything with anybody .. And just grew angrier and angrier and more and more isolated (from our perspective ) I'm thinking "you can lead a horse to water but can't make them drink "... We all chose him , all he is and all of him , PTSD included . I don't feel he was really choosing himself this way ... He wanted to deny it was part of him and pretend he was ok .. Refusing to keep taking even st johns wort stress tablets regularly even when he knew he felt so much better when he took them , he chose to escape by getting lost in porn and sex dating sites ...keeping it all secret .. Perhaps he did not choose me as his partner of a PTSD sufferer ? I think for relationships to work whether with PTSD or A choice needs to be made , do I take this person to be my .... and then the same kind of things apply , communication , clear boundaries, and with PTSD a few extra bits of understanding thrown in ... Perhaps my view is too romantic ?

 

[Changing4Best]

My best friend and I are both PTSD. When we get together, we can share so much that is PTSD based somehow. We cry and we laugh... On the other hand, neither one of us works, and we have to pay $$$ to take the bus to be able to see one another. Neither of us owns a car, is why. PTSD kind of prevents that. I am hoping to change that, that I don't work, by doing some free-lance writing.

Anyway, I guess we are both supporters and sufferers. I know that is rare. Others here have said that they wish they knew someone else who lives close who they can be with in person.

 

[hodge]

My husband and I fell in love and got married before my PTSD hit. I can't say enough how fortunate I am that he has stuck with me through this, though I've done my best, too, to get help and treated for this. I do try to be very judicious about not telling him how much I'm suffering, because I know there's nothing he can do, except try to comfort me, which I do ask for and accept sometimes. He was raised by a mother with MS and a father who took care of her, and he feels that has prepared him to be with me. I'm just very grateful. I do stuff for him, too, it's not all one-sided. But I know it's got to be hard to be married to someone with PTSD.