@Saint Nik
I've had too many letdowns, mis-diagnosis, etc from the so called 'health' system, that I've lost trust in them long ago. Or should I say, they lost my trust. Recently, I tried getting a therapist, but was unable to (long story). It's forced me into a place where I must do self care.
One of the things that really stood out for me in your posts, are your struggles with your physical symptoms. I have a holistic view point when it comes to any health issue, be it mental, physical or otherwise. Like you, my GP who knows nothing re: treating mental health, tried pushing SSRI's, along with a cornucopia of other drugs. None of them agree with me. I got so fed up by the lack of available mental health care here & a drug pushing GP, that I'm now (as of the past 2 months), taking matters into my own hands.
I've established a support system of friends whom I can call and talk with...I mean, really open up with and feel safe. I do yoga. I find it very grounding. I used to teach it, before I became physically ill, yet, I only do the poses that my body will allow at the moment & keep pushing each time to go a bit farther. I also have my fave CD's at the ready, so I can play music when I feel I need distraction, and to lift my spirits. I used to dance as well, but now I must hang on to a chair to pull it off. but hey..it works :)
I journal. I find writing, especially on rainy days very relaxing, (like Scotland, my weather here is very similar). Journaling gives me a sense of where I'm at emotionally, physically, spiritually. One of my big pet peeves with conventional therapy, is that the spiritual self doesn't get addressed. I'll often re-read past entries to see my progress. At times, it's 2 steps forward and 3 back, other times I gain more headway. Either way, I see progress & change and it gives me more hope that I can overcome.
These past 2 months after discovering there's no therapists available to me (unless I was rich :), I've embarked on a raw food diet, plenty of clean water, and a full body cleanse. Some folks may question how diet will put a positive spin on how f*cked up my mind can get. But for me, I do believe we are what we eat. That certain foods, like berries and melons have a higher frequency than leafy greens even. It's a systematic cleanse that utilizes very few herbs & supplements...I keep it simple, and I've been detoxing myself body system, by body system.
I realize that this ain't for everyone. I'm just coming from my experience and perspective here...which is all each one of can do really. I can say though, that I noticed the effects within a week. My depression is gone, I feel much clearer in thought, able to sleep better, (still needs improving, yet, I keep working on it). My earlier posts here, were made in dark times. I had insomnia that kept me up 2 or 3 nights in a row. I barely ate, and when I did, they weren't the healthiest choices even though I've been vegetarian most of my life.
I still get the occasional flashback, or times when past trauma hits me like a freight train. Yet, I'm able to tackle it far better than I ever have. That's when I call a friend, or if it's in the wee hours, I'll play music, dance a bit or do yoga..even to music.
I'm fortunate that I've studied under 2 great herbalists in my past. I realize now, that I've put too much stock in conventional medicine,and even in weak moments, I've found myself questioning why they are unable to help me. I fight those thoughts, and remember all the times when I've eventually had to turn to what I know about holistic healing. It's never failed me.
I had to get backed into a corner to come to this point. I'm thankful that the chips fell that way. If you asked me when I first joined here 2 plus months ago, if the processes I'm doing now would have the changes in my life that I now experience, I might have laughed. Although, i wasn't laughing much then.
Dunno if this helps, or gives you any ideas in your healing journey, but it's my story and I'm sticking to it. I'm happy to go into more detail about the cleanse/full-body detox I'm on. Just PM me. I will add a disclaimer though. I'm not a medical practitioner, and therefore can't dispense medical advice. I can however, relay the sources of information and how-to's of what I'm doing. They all come from a renowned Natureopathic doctor who has amazing tutorials on YouTube. I've had continuous email contact with him and he's been most gracious with his time and advice. I also get advice from a dear friend who is a Doukhobor healer. Both have changed my life for the better. Not saying that I'm in the clear yet...it's a long process. Took a long time of pain and trauma in my past to get here, so I don't expect to turn this around magically overnight.
I'm very pleased to hear that your panic attack weekend was helped by coming here. There's so many helpful and caring people here that I've gained much insight and knowledge from...and continue to do so. I hope the same is for you. I know that I'm taking the path less traveled, but it's the one that feels right for me.
BTW, I was on a pile of meds, not long ago. I've slowly weaned myself off of them. The only thing I take now is a puffer I use for asthma. Even that, I've managed to feel less need for. I do have anti-anxiety pills for panic attacks just in case..again, I feel less need for those as well.
You deserve to be happy and healthy Saint Nik...as do we all. We've gone through enough trauma and pain, yet there's a beautiful life awaiting us without the meds. I realize that some folks need them for where they're at on their journey. In my heart and mind, I also believe that we can overcome the most seemingly insurmountable obstacles without them eventually. I make it sound simple as I read this, but these drastic changes aren't easy, and it's not pretty in the initial stages. It does get better and easier though, with time, with love of the self and a willingness to stay the course.
