Is this a dream?

[419can.dance]

I’m finding myself slipping more and more each day… Numb to the world. I am living through the second most painful experience in my life. that I have cried through the past three weeks. I have talked about. I have prayed over. I even wrote a f*cking list.


I know there is beauty in pain but the pain is slowly drifting away. The pain that I know of so well is leaving me. The pain that has crafted and molded me into the human being I am today is vanishing right before my eyes.
I am.
Am I no longer alive?
Has my fantasy come true?
Am I merely drifting above myself watching one step after the other.

The lack of control
Is painful

 

[Kieran]

Lack of control can be a scary thing, I'm really sorry you're going through this.

I struggle with some similar thoughts and honestly the only helpful thing that keeps me going are several thoughts.

1) Living day-to-day isn't about having control over everything, because we can't. We can just let life happen, and only then can we go on.
2) If something doesn't challenge you, it won't change you.
3) You don't have to just take what life gives you.
4) Look at the stars. Some of them have been around for decades and their light is only beginning to shine now -- that we see, at least. Think of that as recovery. Eventually, you can get to a desired place in your life.

5) You're the sky and each cloud is a symptom. Gray and white clouds will come back, but there will be moments of clarity. Cherish those, try to amplify those.

Find it in yourself to find someone or something that makes getting through the day just a bit easier. I go to therapy and I journal constantly throughout the day.

I still struggle with similar thoughts. But coping is all I find helpful.