Is This An Anxiety Attack?/ In A Nightmare When I'm Awake.

[theotherside]

Ok this has happened a few times. Please let me know if it's happened to you or what you think it is.

At the beach with my partner and our small child. My child lets go of my hand and runs alongside my partner...I say hold hands...but they don't and continue to run and play free...I say it a few more times but even if they do hold hands they end up letting go...

I get frozen...(like paralyzed) and I'm frantic about telling my spouse to hold our little ones hand..like I cant move my body at all...then I just start crying, sobbing uncontrollably and I run away as fast as I can. I's very scary. After I am ashamed of myself and so sad that I'm such a loser.

This has also happened on hikes when my little ones too close to the edge and not holding hands..

I can't stress enough how bad it is...when I write it out it doesn't sound like it. But when it happens it's the worst most terrifying thing ever...like I'm about to lose my child or something. When I mean I get paralyzed I'm serious. Then I run..crying uncontrollable (in front of strangers, family, whatever) I cant see anything at the time...

Has this ever happened to any of you?

 

[Deleted member 1860]

Could it be an emotional flashback? What you describe is what I often feel when I am having an emotional flashback.

 

[theotherside]

Thanks so much...yes maybe that's it.
Ive had other types of flashhbacks where i'm like 5 yrs old and it feels like I'm getting killed...
I just didn't know if this was a flashback or panic attack. It's so horrible.

 

[Over the rainbow]

The first sign something was very wrong inside me.

A day off of work started out as normal as any other, I was working on cleaning the house, my daughter was at school, so as usual I tried to cram as much house work in as possible before she got home.

I remember it like it was yesterday, I had no furniture in my newly rented home, but I was determined to keep it feeling like a "normal" home for her.

When you move into a new home there are always sounds that are unfamiliar, little creaks, hums, and sounds coming from outside.

I had just walked from my daughters room after putting a couple of her toys away, a sudden sound came from another room, a semi loud "clank!"

Instantly my body froze right in the position that I had been in, mid step, legs slightly apart, one in front of the other, my arms were about the same, like I was playing musical chairs and the music stopped, or freeze tag.

My heart was racing so hard I swear I could hear it echoing throughout my empty home.

I had many nightmares like this while I was asleep, from which I usually woke from drenched in sweat. In my dreams something scary was just about to get me and I couldnt move, I knew my doom was coming and I was about to feel every bit of it and not even be able to fight back.

This was no dream, I was awake. Tears running down my hot face, and my mouth only muttering tiny whimpers. Inside I was screaming, trapped inside my own body, breathing heavily, hoping I didn't pass out.

The fact that I do not know is just how long I stood there, could have been minutes, maybe an hour. When I was finally able to move, I collapsed to the floor and screamed, crying came like a flood, years of dread, and emotional pain poured out of me.

I knew then that even though I portrayed myself a strong, confident woman, a survivor, I was now a broken shell.

This was not the only time this happened, this happened at least a half a dozen times, sometimes I was laying on the floor (I had no bed). I would lay there all night long, even if I had to use the bathroom, no I didn't go on myself, I got very good at holding it until it was time to get up.

The second most memorable time it happened I had "frozen" in the hallway, my then 5 year old daughter took my hand and said in such a grown up empathetic voice I had never heard from her before, " come on mommy, it's ok, let's go lay down."

My heart broke for her, seeing me this way, I am supposed to take care of her, and instead my beautiful child was caring for me.

I was ashamed, I still am, because this is the first time I have told this story to anyone.

This has not happened to me in about 8 months thank God,but I'm always fearful it will again.

 

[Fadeaway]

The stress of moving combined with hyper vigilance creating an exaggerated startle response, makes perfect sense to me. A new place can feel very unsafe because it is different. That would also contribute to it.

I am a freezer. It isn't all that uncommon, but I can understand why it would be so distressing to you. It is distressing, Although I am so used to it now, and understand it, that it is just frustrating and upsetting instead of the kind of distress it used to create.

It makes me sad that anyone has to deal with this, but you aren't alone. The first time i really remember it happening to me was when my ex threw my son against the wall (FYI the courts gave this man custody) Here I was, supposed to be protecting my son and comfort him and i couldn't. I have never gotten over the guilt of that. So my heart goes out to you.

 

[joeylittle]

@Over the rainbow and @theotherside, I've merged your threads because they are so directly related to one another and were posted only 2 hours apart. Hopefully, this will allow more people to focus on the topic and share with both of you.

 

[Lw715]

I just had a simiar experience the other day in my car. I heard hisvoice so clearly in the car next to me that i screamed a d slammed the brakes. I am so scared that i twill happen again and i will cause an accident. It was so real... His voice screaming at me. What can i do?

 

[Over the rainbow]

@Lw715 sorry this happened to you.
My ex aka satan I like to call him, he has a very deep deep voice, in fact when I first met him that's the first thing I heard before I ever saw him.
At times at work or while I'm somewhere and someone has a deep voice I get startled. I keep praying for the day it doesn't happen anymore.

 

[Lw715]

It was so real...so frightening. But here's the thing..I am four years out from my attack and this just started happening. It's like everything is amped up all over again and I can't figure out why. Do we ever move past things or just live with them?

 

[Over the rainbow]

I really wish I had an answer for that. I think it's like my brain is forever changed on some sort of molecular level, and if that's the case, will we/I ever be the same?
Hate to be a Debbie Downer