Is this an overreaction?

[Sweetleaf]

I got startled by a slam sound on the side of my house, like an hour ago. Hard slam sound, like someone hit the side of my house with all their might. Startled the shit out of me. It also didn't trip my outdoor cameras sensors, so that freaked me out more. I'm the only one in the house too, aside from my cat, who was on the couch next to me.

I jumped up and grabbed my pistol, which was nearby in a drawer, racked a round into the chamber and then kinda paranoidly stood there freaking out looking at the two possible routes to the room I was in. I was like that for a while, and had to calm myself down, all while being super quiet and listening for even the smallest noise. All of this while standing there with a gun in my hand that had a chambered round and no safety other than the trigger.

Then when I got my anxiety under control enough to move, I started going through the house, checking out each room like a paranoid f*ck, flicking lights on, literally looked all over and still was freaked out. The whole checking everything out thing was super stressful too. I constantly felt like I was about to be attacked by someone.

After checking everything out I was still super anxious. I unchambered the round (lol dunno if that's a word), cleared the gun and put a loaded magazine back in, then put my belly band holster on, and put my pistol in it. My hands were all sweaty and my left hand (dominant shooting hand) had my pistol's grip texture all embedded in it from gripping it so hard. I am still wearing my pistol, in the safety of my own home, unable to calm down.

I haven't figured out the source of the noise, and I'm way too scared to go outside and check stuff out. I was about to sleep but now I am super awake.

The logic part of my brain says it's nothing, everything else is like "theres someone out there or in your house who wants to f*cking kill you"

Very vulnerable kind of feeling.

Was that a reasonable response though, to try to ease my hypervigilance? My hypervigilance and anxiety is still very much there, but it's less than it would be if I sat there and did nothing.

Am I overreacting or is this a reasonable way to try to deal with hypervigilance?

 

[blackemerald1]

I reckon you've fed your hypervigilance a super food diet and you are no closer to relaxing than straight after the sound happened.

If your sensor lights did not light up doesn't that mean that either they're not working or there's nothing there? Wouldn't you check out the not working part first? If they've been disabled I'd call the cops.

I presume you're in a locked house? That means there has to be a substantial breach by door or window and that makes more noise but you didn't hear more noise.

Could you have called a neighbour, the police or a friend?

Did your cat startle too? Animals are fairly good at showing you something is not ok?

Chambering a round when there is no safety on the weapon isn't wise. Accidents happen when people load a round like that.
Certainly your finger is not considered where I come from as a 'safety'.

I've freaked myself out many times with odd things that have happened outside my house. I try and remind myself that they are happening outside and I can really talk myself into believing that someone means to do me harm and is lurking behind a window etc.

I've been the victim of a home invasion and though they were the ones with the weapon, they were injured... such was my outrage at their intentions.

I don't know... but having spent a lot of time alone.. I would not have grabbed the gun first. But it's difficult to say you shouldn't have done so because I don't know your neighbourhood or culture so maybe it's the right thing to do. Maybe you are well within the sphere of reasonable behaviour where you live and everyone does that. I guess that's probably a better way of determining if you overreacted.

So my response is that yes you've allowed your hypervigilance to over run you and extended the anxiety that comes with it all for a while longer than necessary. But this opinion is made in the full knowledge that there was no one unlawfully entering your home because you are here on this forum writing about it now.

How much firearm training do you have and why did you not put the full magazine in the firearm instead of just one round? It's easier to snap a magazine in than fiddle with a round I think...

I'd also like to ask, having spent that one round at an offender you judge deserves it. What happens if he/she keeps coming because you missed or it didn't stop them? Both scenarios a possibility if you are anxious and your heart rate is jumping around.

 

[Sweetleaf]

@blackemerald1 I wanna clear up some stuff haha.

I found out my cameras were malfunctioning due to the cold temperatures - only today did it warm up enough to make them work again. The electronics were too cold I guess, I have no idea why exactly the cold stopped them from working lol.

When that slam sound happened, it was while it was super cold and the cameras weren't working. This is the first winter we've had them so I had no idea the cold could make them stop working.

So, cameras weren't working, so they didnt get tripped. Factoring in the ex who threatened to kill me many times, and who came close to it, that slam made me really worry. Especially since I recently may have seen him (long story)

For cultural reference, I am in Alaska, in the most crime filled city of one of the most crime filled states, per capita. If I remember correctly, Alaska is #1 in regards to physical and sexual violence, but maybe I am wrong. We also have extremely lenient gun laws. Almost the least restrictions in the country. On top of that, we have the highest gun ownership per person in the country.

Guns are super common here, they are very easy to get for regular law abiding people and criminals alike (like, they can illegally get them easily).

My house also has a lot of room around it, including a bunch of wilderness all the way up to the mountains and beyond. (so it's not like I was going around an apartment in a complex)

The gun was stored with a loaded magazine already inside. I store it like that if I am at home with it. No point having a home defense gun totally unloaded. If kids were around or anyone other than my mom (who used to have a concealed carry license in new jersey, and knows how to handle guns), I would have my guns locked up.

So when I pulled the slide back, I was just putting the 1st round of the magazine in. That pistol is 15+1 capacity but I always just carry it with the first round of the magazine in the chamber (I figure 1 round more doesn't really matter). So when I go to go out for the day, and I'm getting my gun and holster ready, I just pull the gun out, pull the slide back and let it go, then put the gun in the holster, then put the holster/gun on my person.

When the sound came and I grabbed my gun, I just pulled the slide back to put the first round from the magazine into the chamber.

In regards to experience - I've been shooting since I was a kid. My dad would take me fairly often, taught me gun safety, etc. I've owned a firearm at all times since I turned 18 (almost 31 now). I've carried concealed pistols for most of the time since I turned 21. For years, every day, every time I left the house. My trauma made me stop for a while, couldn't stand guns, but I'm back to being able to carry every time I go out, and I can practice often again. A couple times a month.

When I was walking around with the gun, it was pointed at the floor ahead of me the whole time. My trigger finger was way up touching the metal of the slide, instead of parallel to it.

It was a glock 19, so it has no manual safety, just a trigger safety and the internal safeties. I'm a lefty so guns without manual safties are easier to manipulate. Ambidextrous safety guns are less common/popular, meaning fewer accessories and replacement parts, and I carried a Springfield XD for years so I am used to not having a manual safety. The glock is new to me (had it since early october) but guns without manual safeties are not new for me.

I feel like I overreacted, but when I told my therapist about all this she thought it was great, like, that me addressing my fear and observing/going through my whole environment was a good idea. Same with the gun. Maybe it's just us Alaskans lol, but to her the idea of me going around my house with a gun after a loud noise wasn't an overreaction or a bad reaction. She explained stuff about it, like the ways I reacted in relation to fight/flight/freeze/etc

I explained it to her like the original post.

But yeah I imagine culture plays a big part in this. When I lived in a village, with a giant property to mess around on, I would go shooting at some steel barrels we had set up all the time. After parties we would hang the beer cans from a tree and shoot them. My roommate even helped wake himself up sometimes by firing a round off in a safe direction out his window. First time he did that startled me lmao. All of this was legal, too.

Edit: also I now think the loud bang noises were my house settling due to shrinkage from the cold.

 

[Mach123]

I have heard major slams again the house and never found out what it was, and I've sworn I've heard someone in the house to the point I've yelled "who's there I'm armed" even when I wasn't .

I consider the reaction with the firearm perfectly justified and I've done that. I don't have a pistol anymore and I don't keep the shotguns out or load them but I would if my living situation were different. I'm proficient like you so used properly in a home defense situation regardless of if or not the threat turns out to be real, sounds like appropriate defensive action.

I'm sorry you have to be in that situation but I'm glad you know what to do if you have to.

 

[blackemerald1]

also I now think the loud bang noises were my house settling due to shrinkage from the cold.

^ My house makes a loud bang noise almost every night, it's the steel frame contracting or expanding, depending on the temperature and yeah the first dozen times it happened I thought a) someone was outside and then when it happened at roughly the same time every night I thought b) someone is messing with me.

I continued to think b) for ages. So my hypervigilance & anxiety about possibilities of danger was fed a pure raw diet of adrenalin.

Then finally I started noticing that it only ever happened in one corner of the house, it was metallic in nature & other things.

I've got a friend who is a builder & he confirmed most of the houses with this kind of frame will make that sound.

The things one learns!

I found out my cameras were malfunctioning due to the cold temperatures -

Time to upgrade maybe?

For cultural reference

I did make reference to culture etc in my post. Because it's an important contextual feature of any reaction. Your actions were happening within that cultural framework as well as your own personal experience. So I thought I made that clear when I wrote this..

But it's difficult to say you shouldn't have done so because I don't know your neighbourhood or culture so maybe it's the right thing to do. Maybe you are well within the sphere of reasonable behaviour where you live and everyone does that. I guess that's probably a better way of determining if you overreacted.

I think it's impossible for someone who is on the internet far, far away to make the call. But you asked and since I have been invaded in my own home by two perpetrators I think I'm a little bit qualified in terms of knowing that fear. That's all any of us can draw on in terms of answering your question isn't it?

Fortunately where I live the gun culture thing is entirely different. But killing, maiming, sexual violence isn't.

It's entirely up to you to judge if you overreacted or not because you must, at the end of the day, continue living where you do and prepare yourself for the potential for a similar situation to occur and know what you will do if it does.

I have a huge amount of experience with firearms but I wasn't challenging your expertise at all.

The worst case scenario is you having to justify why you shot somebody who didn't need to be shot in the circumstances. But that hasn't happened this time. So it's good you are able to dismantle the incident and work it out.

I'm just glad you are ok. :) Take care :hug:

 

[jenkins]

I would say that for a person with PTSD, that is a normal, but not healthy, reaction. But that is not a typical reaction for someone without PTSD.

I'm not trying to minimize your PTSD or your experiences from your past. I was just offering my opinion. :)

As houses settle they will sometimes make a VERY loud crack. Even old houses will sometimes do this, but new houses, or a major renovation, will also do this.

 

[blackemerald1]

But that is not a typical reaction for someone without PTSD.

^Rubbish you cannot suggest this seriously. Plenty of normal people routinely carry & use firearms.

As discussed context & culture are everything.

 

[jenkins]

Plenty of normal people routinely carry & use firearms.

We're not talking about owning firearms, the title of the thread says it all "Is this an overreaction?" And I answered according to the title. Grabbing a gun just because of a loud noise is maladaptive behavior to me. Owning a gun is just fine with me. Shoot a bazooka if you have one. This thread isn't about owning guns, it's about maladaptive behavior. The gun itself has little to do with the thread, the gun is just a tool, a proxy for safety. The OP could easily have grabbed a knife or baseball bat.

Cheers.

 

[blackemerald1]

*I didn't say own. Please read my original response.

If you live in a place where crime is high & feel threatened then within the context of the op's overall circumstances and culture it may not be a over reaction. As she went on to describe. She knows what threat level she is operating under.

In different cultures and context it may be considered foolish not to prepare your firearm.

Jenkins the OP has ptsd btw. :wtf:. I was responding to your statement that it would be a over reaction for a person without ptsd. huh? . :banghead: We're not discussing that but anyway it's simply not true given the myriad of circumstances that may prevail. Broad brush statement there, me thinks. :)

 

[mamachick]

Having and ex who has threatened to kill you and almost has is not normal. Given that circumstance and your environment, and your experience with guns, and not having anyone else in the house but a cat (no children), it may not be ideal, but I agree with your therapist. You just showed yourself that you can handle what comes your way. You did not freeze or shut down.

 

[Friday]

Then when I got my anxiety under control enough to move, I started going through the house, checking out each room like a paranoid f*ck, flicking lights on, literally looked all over and still was freaked out. The whole checking everything out thing was super stressful too. I constantly felt like I was about to be attacked by someone.

After checking everything out I was still super anxious.

The overreaction? Is being too freaked out to clear your house (well done, by the by, in calming yourself enough to do it), and still being freaked out after you cleared your house.

That IS how I deal with both hypervig, and paranoia, by the by. I insist on calm. I can do as many perimeter sweeps, or clear my house/area, or keep my head on a swivel IF & ONLY IF I can do so calmly.

Nope. It’s not 100% in the beginning, and requires a lot of backing myself down. But with practice? Yes. That becomes the norm. But it does take practice. Just like dealing with triggers and stressors. My body wants to spin up, but I just keep backing it down. Grounding. Centering. Over and over until THAT’s the knee-jerk. It’s retraining instinct towards vigilance (useful) instead of hypervig (not useful).

 

[Sweetleaf]

The OP could easily have grabbed a knife or baseball bat.

One problem with that for me is I am much more proficient with firearms than I am with knives and baseball bats. I'm also physically weak, and I'd do much more damage with a gun (which is true for everyone but even more for those who are not adept at other forms of defense). Plus, most people where I live have guns, so it's wise to assume a stranger in your house does as well.

As others have said, environment is a big factor in this. If I were in Germany I'd feel safe without a gun. But I am in Alaska.

I have bear spray and pepper spray, but using those indoors (especially bear spray) would be almost as bad for me as for the target. I have knives, but in a knife fight you're probably gonna get cut whether the other person has a knife or not. I don't like the idea of knives as a self defense tool, though it's definitely better than nothing.

It’s not 100% in the beginning, and requires a lot of backing myself down. But with practice? Yes. That becomes the norm. But it does take practice. Just like dealing with triggers and stressors. My body wants to spin up, but I just keep backing it down. Grounding. Centering. Over and over until THAT’s the knee-jerk. It’s retraining instinct towards vigilance (useful) instead of hypervig (not useful).

That's super useful info, thanks. Thinking of it that way makes sense. A way to ingrain grounding as a response to hypervigilance, while also keeping myself safe from what might be a legitimate threat.