Relationship Is This Emotional Abuse?

[NarcSis]

I read people's posts and I'm always so struck by the difference in expression between men and women - men will project and deny while women will internalize and seek help.

He needs help. You can't give it to him or force him to see this. Until he's treated he will continue to project his anger about how changed he is, how different he feels and how shattered it makes him feel onto you. You don't need that.

Have you seriously started planning to be without him? He may leave and blame it on you - it won't be your fault, hold that statement close. Until he gets treatment his symptoms will rule his behavior and he will continue to lash out at the world until he meets some sort of rock bottom.

Protect you. Do what your heart tells you because only you can know that answer.

PS
I'm a sufferer but having been there and found my way out, I know what he's feeling - you need to equip yourself to deal with whatever may come.

 

[Dallas]

Those aren't words of love he spoke to you. Those are damaging words that injured your spirit, which is why you feel so bad. Those words hurt you for a reason...they are not good for you to be good to be exposed to. Just as if you burnt your hand on the stove, you have to stay away from the stove. These are God's clues He gave you. God wants you to be in a loving and nurturing environment, just as He loves and nurtures you. You should protect yourself from further injury. Also, if you stay away from him until he gets help, it will wake him up and give him motivation. He will realize the damage he has caused. It will take longer for him to wake up and smell the coffee if you stay and coddle him.

Sincerely,
Dallas.

 

[Deleted member 12723]

Everyone has had such good and useful things to say. It seems your path is pretty clear. You are not doing him any good letting him dump on you and make you feel crazy. I am glad he is far away. It would be far worse if he was living with you.

Focus on building your own life. You might want to consider seeing a therapist yourself to help you sort out everything that is going on. It would be a person in your corner offering you help, wisdom, and support and work with where you are at. I wish you the best.

I am really glad he is so far away. It would be so much worse if he was living with you now. Hugs and prayers if welcome.

 

[Sephira]

Hi everyone, thank you all for the caring and constructive replies! I think I knew what you all were telling me here, but needed some other opinions because he always says *I'm the problem* and sometimes I half wonder if I am because of all the arguments we have.

Until he starts respecting the boundaries I set, and that we both agree upon, I don't think I can move forward in this relationship. It's sad, but he needs to see it really is *his* behavior, not mine. I'm enabling him, and he uses me as an excuse to not get the therapy he so desperately needs. I think I'm going to distance myself, for my own sanity, and so he can see the results of his own behavior.

Everyone here is so wonderful, thanks a ton and I'll keep you posted if he does enter therapy!

 

[kabeh394]

I would be tempted to tell him to stay in Bahrain, until he makes himself happy.

AMEN SISTER!

 

[Bilby]

I think I knew what you all were telling me here, but needed some other opinions because he always says *I'm the problem* and sometimes I half wonder if I am because of all the arguments we have.

I think most of the time, if you are starting to question if something is abusive or not, the chances are that it is.

I think distancing yourself is a wise move. I appreciate that such things aren't easy to do, but I really think it's necessary for your own emotional well-being.

Take care.

B x

 

[Dallas]

Just think of it as a win/win situation...you get to heal, and he gets the help he needs...you can't go wrong! :tup:

Sincerely,
Dallas.

 

[Abstract]

Seripha,

It might help to put it lovingly, maybe in a letter so he absorbs it better, and tell him directly what you have said here. That it seems that his feelings are being deflected onto you and that that that is bad for both of you. That you care about him and that he needs to get treatment and learn how to take possession of what is happening inside him. That although there will be many people who are willing to help he still needs to take responsibility for his own happiness. That you are who you are and need to be loved for that. Something along those lines. Good luck and do let us know how it goes.

 

[IvyMillie]

I totally sympathize with what you are going through. I think that when they have a problem they like to blame us, find some flaw in us and attack.

I'm already married and the boundaries thing never works for me because I have no recourse. All I can say is that when he is stressed out it is even worse. I can't really change my situation I just have to ignore it, but I get my feeling hurt a lot.