General Is This Isolating Or Disinterest??

[Justmehere]

She has repeatedly said the person I new and loved is gone and that she is not that person anymore :(.

In some ways, she is right. She is still herself, but things will not be the same. She is not the same. Even if you somehow get back together, it will not be the same as it was on the past.

I have read about it normally getting worse before it gets better and deep down I hope this is her getting worse before getting better. I

Breakups are rarely very black and white, especially when they involve ending 4 years together and a child and deep matters of the heart. PTSD does add an element of complexity, and breakups in general also just plain hurt. That's why there are so many songs about them - people trying to process through loss, pain, hurt, and confusion. You are not alone in what you are going through. :hug:

I just don't know weather to believe everything she says to hurt me or weather not to take it personally.

Many things can be said in the midst of the pain of a breakup. I wouldn't take what she says personally, as if it is truth about who you are. I also wouldn't doubt her when she indicates it's over.

Others are right to say that healing from PTSD doesn't mean this relationship will be restored. I have PTSD. I dated great guys before I had PTSD, but even though I have some treatment for PTSD under my belt, I wouldn't get back together with them. It's not wrong or right, and it's not even really about them. It just is.

i think it's ok to leave a note with the keys to tell her you love her and wish her the best. I think it's a wonderful idea to mail them off instead of doing it in person. Do it whichever way is easiest for you and your heart. Perhaps consider planning to do something fun (and healthy) with friends after mailing off the keys.

I'm super glad you are reaching out here too. :hug:

 

[HurtandConfused]

I think the way forward then is to leave back the keys with a note and then the ball will be in her court. In the meantime try look after myself and hopefully the days and weeks will get easier :). Its going to be very hard forgetting such a good thing :(.

Thanks a million everyone for your advice and insight it has helped me a lot in how to proceed. I will undoubtedly need to reach out for advise on here again to get through this nightmare!!

 

[Lostinlove4myvet]

Only she can say if she is pushing you away because of PTSD or just not being into you anymore.

Em...

BEAUTIFUL advice!

 

[Lostinlove4myvet]

I think you're on the right path. Hand over the keys, let your heart break, and work on finding the pieces through educating yourself with her illness. As for letters , I think you should give it some time before you do that. Let her continue therapy and you work on taking care of you. Perhaps when you do decide to contact her, letter, text, etc. Maybe just write , "thinking of you", i think just saying "I love you" could be a stresser for her. Plus it really only leaves room for one topic of response if she chooses to do so. The topic of love could be uncomfortable as an initial communication after time has passed. Saying "thinking of you" presents a more open and relaxed option for a response. (I hope that makes sense) best of luck to you darling. Come what may, chin up and please remember to care for yourself .

 

[Deleted member 44240]

I’ve read your story here and i understand. My heart goes out to you having to have dealt with this pain and heartache. It definitely hits home for me because I went through the same thing with my ex who broke up with me for no real reason. He initially did it in August, but we maintained a very close friendship. He then finalized our friendship in November with ghosting with no communication or contact; block on social media, etc. i haven’t spoken with him since then and it has been hell.

I’ve heard so many opinions here; some good and some bad, but after reading the commonality of symptoms and behaviors, I can’t help but to stay on stand by. Believe me, i’m not looking to have him come back and we pick up where we left off, but I do feel that things aren’t quite finished between us. I know we shouldn’t take things personal due to the illness, but how else should we take the devaluing, break ups and numbing when it comes to us as supporters?

Good luck with healing and taking your life back as I’m trying to do. Our sufferers seem to have a long road ahead with healing and there’s nothing we seem to be able to do to help unfortunately. Letting go is hard, but as mentioned by someone earlier, it could be years of the same struggle.

 

[Sweetpea76]

Ok... here is a dose of reality for people. This poster hasn't been active for 9 months. Here is his last thread.

Ex Possibly With Someone Else!!

 

[Lostinlove4myvet]

Thanks for the heads up. Guess I'll pay better attention to dates before I make an idiot of myself