Is this normal behaviour for therapist?

[Alittlebitdown]

Hi,
So my T told me last week that she didn't know how I'd survived without going mad or using escapes like drugs or alcohol... This has kinda shook me up and can't stop crying etc, is this normal trauma therapy?
Thanks
Sorry if it seems like complaining
J

 

[somerandomguy]

I think she was trying to compliment you? A lot of us do end up "going mad" or turning to coping mechanisms like drugs or alcohol.

However - I don't think it's any kind of comment on a person's character whether they do or don't end up using drugs or alcohol or becoming psychotic.

 

[Still Standing]

I'm with @somerandomguy. I am assuming that your therapist was simply giving you what we call in the States, a left-handed compliment. She was telling you that many people who have had the depth of trauma you have had, resort to self-medicating themselves to mask their pain. Or they have mental breakdowns trying to cope. You apparently have not done this. You have simply white-knuckled your traumas. It actually shows her you have a level of self-control in those areas. I don't see anything negative about what she said to you. However, if you have PTSD, it often tends to cause us to hear and see things a bit skewed. And many of us are quick to see blame in us and aimed at us, when there is none. Unless, there is more information that would negate my assumption, I say that your Therapist did nothing more than make an observation and acknowledgement to you that you have gone through some tough stuff and you did it without resorting to extreme measures. I see it as a positive comment.

 

[Justmehere]

My therapist has said the same thing. It was meant as a compliment. It is not to suggest you or I should have actually used drugs or alcohol.

It’s a not very elegant way to say what you have gone through is significant and hella painful.

Maybe you have been minimizing it?

Just the fact that you are already apologizing for “complaining” - seems to suggest to me maybe you have a pattern of apologizing for some pretty dang normal reactions to hard stuff?

It’s a weird and hard thing to hear that a trauma history hits someone else in that way. It’s not “complaining” to be wondering why a therapist would say something like that.

Be sure to tell your therapist about how the comment hit you. Talk it through with her. The more you can tell her of any concerns or anything that is upsetting, the better the process will go.

 

[Muttly]

I agree with what the others have said. Do you want to say more about why it shook you up? Talking about it here and with your therapist will help you process what's going on.

 

[hithere]

My therapist has said the same thing to me on at least two occassions. One was in response to me feeling like a total eff up in life. The other left feeling like it was a left-handed compliment. It was odd. It felt like man you really came from a effed up family and background. that's what it felt like to me. It did not make me feel any better about the situation or myself.

 

[FragileGlass]

As others have said..... some therapists apply casual phrasing rather than being in clinical explanation mode all the time. It’s different experience for everyone, my therapist talks in my language comfort, using real life language that I would feel comfortable relating too.

My T once said ‘get f*ckin mad at everything you’ve just talked about’ - he knew using clinical phrasing like ‘feel your inner most heartfelt turmoil and release it’ - he knows that I would glaze over and he would lose me, my trust and faith in the session with that kind of language. To another patient, the phrasing he did use for me would be appalling behaviour. Communication is a tricky balance.

Definitely use this board to review how you feel and absolutely discuss it with your therapist. Maybe you need your therapist to remain clinical and less casual with dialogue.

 

[Stephernovas]

Sounds like it shook you up because it's confirming how shitty things have been for you. Trauma does awful things to us beyond the actual traumatizing act. Lame, I know. I recently had my spell of sobbing away about something someone said to me, so I get it. Feel it, and let it go.