Is this Normal Childhood Experiencr?

[BuildingSelf24]

The most vivid early memory I have is of sitting in front of the tv just blankly watching it. Not really reacting to anything on it. Then my mom came home and she gave me a look that said I was in trouble. I remembered that I had thrown a tantrum at day care and they callled her about it. I felt a dark energy come over me and I instantly felt scared and started trembling. I thought my mom was going to hit me, but seeing that I was scared, she left. I remembered the same energy was why I had the tantrum in the first place. I couldn’t control it when the energy came over me. I was in kindergarten when this happened. Back then I barely felt anything except for when I was overwhelmed by the energy.

I’m wondering if my blankly watching the tv is actually me being numb and dissociated or just a common thing for children to express. I’m not really sure what is normal exactly. I recognize that the dark energy was just anxiety and fear now. Is it just a normal thing for children to experience or is it a sign of earlier trauma?

 

[Movingforward10]

What you wrote, taking this as the only thing, is not traumatic or a sign of anything at all. But a very young child with feelings that overwhelm them. Totally and utterly normal.

However, the fact that you are asking about it now. I wonder if this isn't an isolated thing and have other things happened to make you think that this experience?

 

[arfie]

one of the most sacred tenants of own psychotherapy is, "don't compare." while i am working through my strictly personal psycho snot knots, the global norms are irrelevant. is this a normal childhood reaction? i neither know nor care. "normal for me" is the data set i work with.

for what it's worth
during my childhood, watching television was not normal for me. i was entirely too hyper to sit calmly with my 10 siblings and friends in front of a device as small as a television. as an adult, i watch television specifically FOR the controlled dissociation. when reality gets to be more than i can handle, i switch on the electronic sedative and drift away from that confusing time between naps (reality).

 

[BuildingSelf24]

What you wrote, taking this as the only thing, is not traumatic or a sign of anything at all. But a very young child with feelings that overwhelm them. Totally and utterly normal.

However, the fact that you are asking about it now. I wonder if this isn't an isolated thing and have other things happened to make you think that this experience?

I’ve been reading psych books on trauma, so I’m wondering how much of my childhood was a normal experience or just based on trauma. Now just numbly or blankly doing things seems to be my default and I have to shake myself out of it. Sometimes I straight up dissociate and lose connection with what’s in front of me for a few minutes or just fall asleep. I guess I ended up connecting my current state to childhood memories. I’m glad it’s just a normal experience in childhood but it’s weird how much I’m still like that now but more intense.