Is This Ptsd Or Something Else?

[Samantha_38]

Sometimes I have extreme difficulty sleeping. I know difficulty sleeping is common with PTSD, I've had PTSD for 10ish years, I've slept terrible since before that, but for reasons I blamed on the PTSD since the time I can remember having it.

However, there are some times, more so in the last 2-3 years, where I don't even try to sleep. I don't like sleeping. I don't like flashbacks or nightmares and they happen multiple times every single night. Usually I at least try though. Sometimes I just don't feel like sleeping. I actually don't feel tired. I know I should be, but I don't. I will stay up for 2-3 days/nights straight (I think my max is like 60 hours straight).

When this happens I get a ton of energy. I do SO much homework. I clean and do other things around the house. Sometimes if I have nothing else I do scrap booking, or crafting. Not so much anymore, but I remember times when I was a teenager still just running the whole night. Basically I'd run till I was tired, walk for awhile, then run some more, until morning. My trauma, and the avoidance of my house and no where to stay quite often also contributed to bad sleep patterns growing up.

Sometimes within the span of time I stay awake for, I do get a little tired, but its usually only during times where I can't keep busy. If I have to sit in class it gets hard, or something like that. If I just go do something, anything, though I get my energy right back. Arguably, I feel the energy the whole time, I just can't let it out. A lot of times it feels like energy is just bursting out of me, but I wonder if its not because I'm trying to stay awake.

I always thought it was pretty normal for PTSD. I just blamed it on the basically "being afraid" of sleep problem. I email my newly found therapist (this is the first time I've ever been in therapy) quite a bit, and so it comes up that I'm not sleeping. I've told him that I'm staying up to do homework, or for whatever reason, and really my life is crazy busy and sometime I really do need the extra time. This past Wednesday and Thursday nights were the most recent nights that I didn't sleep at all. I had an appointment with him on Friday so it came up.

When I told him, I could tell he was thinking a little bit more about it than he thinks about most "symptoms" I tell him. He asked a couple questions. One was if I'm afraid to sleep, and of course I am. He said he can understand that, and it was the end of the conversation. I don't ever feel comfortable enough to ask questions in person, so I didn't push and we talked about other things.

When we got done I asked him if that was "normal" for PTSD in an email. He didn't answer. I emailed him some more about other things, and he responded to those. I asked again in another email, thinking maybe he just forgot about the first. He answered things from that same email, but avoided the other. Usually when he doesn't answer something, it is because its something he wants to talk about there. I know if I asked him why he didn't answer, he would tell me, but its the weekend and he doesn't answer emails while at home.

I'm going to see him Monday morning, and I'm guessing it may come up. I'm just wondering right now though. I always felt like it was a symptom of PTSD, but based on his response at the appointment and the avoidance of the question through emails, I'm starting to wonder if there isn't something more to it.

 

[arfie]

PTSD was not an established diagnosis when I was going through this in the 70s and 80s. My therapist attributed it to "Trauma Induced Amnesia." Repressed memories. I was not a human being during this phase. I was a human doing. Living proof that adrenaline is the most powerful stimulant on the planet.

As with all stimulants, prolonged usage caught up with me and it was not pretty.

Gentle hugs, Samantha. Steady as she goes. Small steps.

 

[TimeToHeal]

Hi @Samantha_38. Might I ask if you have any diagnoses (psychological) aside from PTSD?

I honestly can't say that I've heard of excessive energy and not sleeping for days at a time being associated with PTSD. I'm obviously not qualified to say it is or it isn't a part of your PTSD, just that I have not heard of it as such.

I'm also not qualified to make diagnoses of any kind, so I hope you won't put too much weight on what I say here and will be able to find the strength and courage to bring this all up with you therapist on Monday. Having said that, what you describe in this post - nonstop energy, difficulty being still or not actively engaged in activity, not sleeping or even feeling tired - are all quite consistent with a "manic" phase of bipolar. I could be way off the mark here so like I said, please discuss this with your therapist. Tell him all of the things you said I your post. Our maybe even print it out and let him read it!

Good luck and please do let us know how it tends out for you on Monday! :)

 

[Samantha_38]

I was a human doing.

Oh my gosh! EXACTLY! The more the better right now. I'll be up for 40 some hours, and all I want to go do is run 5 miles, or roller blade for hours, or play a hockey game. I mean I literally can't sit still. I have less energy when I do get sleep, which is still only a couple hours (max) at a time.

@TimeToHeal - No other diagnosis...and I can't say I'm exactly up to more. I'm barely coming to grips with the PTSD one. That being said, I can't truthfully say that bipolar hasn't crossed my mind as well though.

Ughhh...Monday....

 

[Speak]

I can't tell you how similar your story about staying up all night corresponds with mine. I actually plan on staying up all night tonight; It's unavoidable. But we can still grow. What happened to you and I was not our faults. Have a great night and I hope you heal. Speak with this man Monday. Sleep is something we all need to survive.

 

[Tinyflame]

I can only say my sleeplessness or disturbed sleep or insomnia is more anxiety or mind-related. Sometimes I'll go ahead and clean (or whatever) at 3a.m., and I am inclined to be more 'hyper', but it's really just to deal with the rest, might as well be doing 'something', but I would sleep if I could. I never even equated it to hypervigilance, thought I managed that part very well. Yet, for example, I can hear a clock ticking a floor away if my mind goes there.

I find it very hard to relax.

Good luck on monday and welcome to you! :)

 

[Deleted member 1860]

Are you on medication?

 

[Samantha_38]

I actually plan on staying up all night tonight; It's unavoidable.

This is exactly where I felt it may not be PTSD: the "planning" on staying up all night. It's isn't like I really want to, but at the same time I just know sleep won't happen, so why try? Thanks, that helps to know that others do this.

The only part of bipolar that doesn't make sense to me, and the reason I don't really feel I have it, is that I don't have extremely low times. I do have times where I'm less energetic. I have had some harder times more recently with starting therapy, and that bringing some stuff up that I've been avoiding for a very long time. When I'm feeling that way, my lack of sleep is more related to the reasons @Junebug describes. My brain running wild, and feeling anxious. Also if I do get to sleep, I'm just awoken in an hour, maybe 2, by another nightmare. I don't have times where I completely avoid everything, and don't get out of bed, and any other extreme depression symptoms. I don't know much about the diagnosis of different things, but I kind of thought that was a requirement with bipolar.

I don't want to specifically ask that question of my therapist though. Honestly, I don't like asking any questions, and I think that stems back to my trauma. I don't know if I can handle another diagnosis to deal with right now. Let's just say I'm hoping I don't, but again, who would hope they did? I don't think there's anyone who wants to be diagnosed with anything, mental or physical.

@Solara - No medication. I've been on different things in the past. I used to get really bad migraines, and coincidentally, a lot of the medications they use for those they also use as anti-anxiety meds. I don't know if the dosing is maybe a little different for anxiety vs. headaches though. I've also had some sleep meds. I found the sleep meds didn't help much, and I've literally been on every one my doctor could think of to try. I had a lot of side effects with all of them. Slower processing and problems with memory were the main ones I just couldn't live with. I'm a college student, and my brain needs to be working at full capacity.

I also had a bad event with chest pain and abnormal heart rhythm, as well as extremely low blood pressure, and now a majority of those medications I cannot have. They think it was at least one of the meds that caused it, but I was on the headache and sleep meds at the same time and they don't know which did it. In any event, the cardiologist said I should not be on any of them. Shortly after that even happened, I got pregnant and I went off all meds that had any possibility of affecting my son. I felt pretty good during pregnancy normally. Honestly the two times I've been pregnant, that's probably when I feel the best. I have not looked into finding anything else, and with all the side effects, I'm a little apprehensive to try again.

I function pretty well not on meds. Yes, I stay up for nights on end, and every once in awhile, usually after therapy, there are some times where I'm just drained. I also have bursts of anxiety quite often, more because of hypervigilence than anything else I think. The nights on end really helps my school work though. I get pretty good grades. I also go to class and work consistently. I skip class occasionally, but it isn't often, and usually its more because I don't feel like driving and I want to see my kids. I haven't missed work for a very long time. My kids don't suffer from any of it, because I won't let it effect them. I don't know that I need or want the meds.

 

[Deleted member 1860]

Well then my theory is out. I felt the same way you describe---but, I was on antidepressants at the time and the antidepressants were making me hypo manic. I can't say for sure, but what you describe does sound like hypo mania to me.

 

[Speak]

I don't want to specifically ask that question of my therapist though. Honestly, I don't like asking any questions, and I think that stems back to my trauma. I don't know if I can handle another diagnosis to deal with right now. Let's just say I'm hoping I don't, but again, who would hope they did? I don't think there's anyone who wants to be diagnosed with anything, mental or physical.

I agree. I hate to ask questions regarding something that may stick yet another label on top of me having PTSD. It stinks, I know. I actually find that creating a place for yourself to relax helps motivate sleep. For example, I have a walk in closet that I decorated with posters and music albums. It's my own. Nothing ever happened to me in there; nothing bad at least. I also put blankets and a pillow in there. I never sleep at night, so whenever I can during the day I read, then sleep in my own little space. It sounds silly, I know. But It worked for me. Maybe it'll work for you as well? Because when you get into a regular sleeping scheduled, everything seems a lot more relaxed, and organized.

I function pretty well not on meds. Yes, I stay up for nights on end, and every once in awhile, usually after therapy, there are some times where I'm just drained. I also have bursts of anxiety quite often, more because of hypervigilence than anything else I think. The nights on end really helps my school work though. I get pretty good grades. I also go to class and work consistently. I skip class occasionally, but it isn't often, and usually its more because I don't feel like driving and I want to see my kids. I haven't missed work for a very long time. My kids don't suffer from any of it, because I won't let it effect them. I don't know that I need or want the meds.

I don't want the meds either. I hate the idea that if I cant get through my problems by myself, then why bother going on at all? But my therapist once said to me that what I've been through, what anyone suffering through PTSD is going through, It's only natural that we need a bit of help. Actually, the problem you're describing sounds like a dose of Clonidine might help quite a bit. Talk to your doctor or therapist and see if Clonidine might help any. Maybe you've already tried it though? I hope you find a solution!

-Evan

 

[Justmehere]

Sounds a little like mild or hypo mania to me as well. My, therapist works with a trauma psychiatrist that PTSD can masquerade as that. Hypo mania or a lack of sleep (even if you feel like you don't need it) also can make PTSD worse from the toll the lack of sleep takes on the body and brain. That is a very well studied phenomenon.

I had a very similar problem myself in the past. I wouldn't sleep for a day or two, then I would sleep for a night, then I wouldn't sleep again. I was drop dead tired, but I thought I was functioning fine. I eventually went to go see a sleep better than doctor. After working with him I got my sleep habits to be a little bit more normal. Once that happens, my PTSD symptoms dramatically improved. I didn't even realize how bad I was feeling and how better I could feel with more regular sleep. Once my sleep patterns were more normal and I was getting more sleep, the amount of dissociation and anxiety I was experiencing dramatically decreased.

I have to wasn't college when I find struggled with not sleeping for days. I thought it was helpful for school as well. However, I found that I actually did better in school, and I was happier as a person, once I was able to get more regular sleep. At least a little bit of sleep every night. I was able to learn information a lot, the point that I didn't even need to pull all nighters anymore. That was just my experience. It may not be true for everyone.

It took some time and work to figure out what would help with that in the short term. Over the long haul, wrestling with the core behind the PTSD is what is going to help me the most.

That's just what happened for me. I'm not sure about what applies for you and what doesn't. I know it can be scary to face yet another possible diagnosis - I try to see these things as tools rather than labels. Tools to live the kind of life we want to live. Sounds like you have a good therapist though and I hope that the two of you working together on and over time can sort it out.

 

[Samantha_38]

@Speak - I like your ideas. I may try to do something like that. It is difficult to get time alone like that with two children though. I have experience with clonidine. Not in myself, but my son takes it due to some issues he has and a boy I used to watch took it as well. I would think it could be a possibility except it is also a blood pressure med, and many meds like that I cannot have due to my prolonged QT interval (basically abnormal heart rhythm), that gets worse when on meds like those. I know my son had to have an EKG before being put on it, so I'm sure it is something they wouldn't give me knowing that I already have an abnormal EKG, and low blood pressure issues.

Thanks @Justmehere , I feel I'm in for a lot of long processes, but you're right my therapist seems to be good. At least he's a good fit for me, although he drives me insane sometimes. That's just because I hate being pushed, but I know I have to be.