Is this victim blaming?

[Konez]

I had delayed onset PTSD with a trigger that brought it on. My therapist asked what was different about my life at that time, because I must have encountered that trigger before and not broken out in PTSD.

It feels like blaming. If I'd said my life was good, then I was assaulted by two people and then I got PTSD, the blame would be put on the criminals. But when I said my life was good, then I had an event that mirrored the assault, then I got PTSD, she disbelieved that it was the event and suggested I must be trying to escape something in my life.

 

[Jova]

Doesn't sound like it to me. Sounds like she was looking for other stressors.

 

[Konez]

Why did there need to be other stressors? What difference would they make?

 

[Oge]

Hi, can you clarify?

I’m confused about what your therapist actually said and what you are interpreting.

 

[Konez]

She said "You must have had X many times before, but been able to cope with it. What was different in your life at that time?" I think the questions should have been "What was different about this time?" It was the fact that she looked outside the event itself that feels blaming. She thought it had to be an external factor, and sounds to me like suggesting that it isn't trauma causing the problem.

 

[Ehu]

I think it was a fair question. I think you are possibly reading more meaning into it than intended. Remember, therapists are human, too, and can’t always say things in the most perfect way. I suggest you ask her in order to get clarification. We can sit here and guess what she meant until we’re blue in the face, but you’ll never know the truth until you ask her.

 

[Konez]

It is assuming that first, instead of checking the event itself that bothers me. She asked this before knowing any detail about my past or my trauma. Why can't the trauma be enough in itself?

Suppose my trauma was a car crash, and the thing that finally set off the PTSD was being in a car that had to brake suddenly . If she wanted to know why that was so bad, the question would be "What was different about that emergency stop" "Not what was different about your life when that stop happened" Then I could have explained that in the original trauma we crashed into a circus wagon and the first thing I saw was a clown, and in the triggering event we braked hard next to a circus advertisement. The problem was that the two things were so similar, but without asking about that she assumed it must be something outside the trauma itself, and that something must be my inability to deal with my life, even though I had told her that my life was good at the time.

 

[Ehu]

You’re obsessing imho.

My guess is that therapy is tough and you’re subconsciously looking for diversionary tactics that divert you from digging into the nitty gritty.

Cuz really, think about it. Does it make sense to make this into a huge issue in the grand scheme of things? Nope! You’re picking on how she worded the question.

 

[Lelo]

I honestly cant see this as victim blaming, having been on the receiving end of victim blaming!

Your T merely asked the question so she could understand the circumstances better which at the end of the day is her job.

 

[Konez]

But she was putting the blame on me, the victim. "What was different in YOUR life?" It was nothing to do with my life, it was to do with something done to me in the past. If she thinks I should have been able to deal with it, then she is blaming me for my personal weakness. It took a long time for me to begin to believe that this wasn't all my fault, and now she seems to want to say that it was. It is saying that I chose to have PTSD, when I could having gone on not having it.

 

[Unazuz]

Thats not what she is asking. What is different in your life that meant that it all came up for you at this time in your life. T is all about you, your life, how symptoms and trauma affect you there is literally no other way she could have asked that question.

Victim blaming would be "it was your fault because of where you were/what you did/how you acted" etc she didnt say anything along those lines from what you have written here.

 

[Konez]

There was another way she could have asked it. "What was different about that time?" She chose to specify what was different about my life, suggesting that it was my inadequacy, or my desire to hide from something that caused it to emerge when it did. She made it about me, not about the trauma. That makes it my fault, in her eyes. I had been able to deal with it the past, so I should have continued to deal with it.

I had told her the week before that it was the similarity to the trauma that was the problem, but I hadn't gone into any detail because I knew I couldn't cope with anything graphic. Then she started the next session with that question. So it felt as though she had thought about it and found a hole in what I was claiming. Therapists ask leading questions to make us see what we are hiding from ourselves. She made it plain she was leading me to see that there was some other problem, not the trauma I was blaming. It was about my life, it was my choice, so she was blaming me.
Once I had been forced to tell her the detail of why this time had been different, I was out of it for the rest of the hour. The only part I remember was her asking "What are you thinking?" "If I try to run, I will probably fall down the stairs and hurt myself, so I need to stay here" and a bit later "Where did you go?" "I don't know, I was thinking about the door and then I went a bit blank". So she may have gone into detail about why she thought it was my life that was the problem, but I don't know.

I will ask her about it, but I wanted to ask here first, to get some idea of which of us was being unreasonable. You are all very sure that it is me, so that means I need to say "I must have misunderstood that you were suggesting it is my fault" not "Why did you say it was my fault?", which will be nicer for her.