Is Transference a Bad Thing in Therapy?

[grit]

It is hard to explain without getting technical and confusing but what I am trying to convey was when my problems (my personal traits, defenses etc) start to focus on the therapist rather than my mother, then I can see I am thinking more about the therapist and the relationship with the therapist than my old self and my mother. my focus on the trauma shifts!

It is easy to wake up from the relationship with the therapist than obviously the more damaging of the past.

To me, this is how therapy has been healing me. I projected a lot of issues to the therapist and somewhat forgot or let go my mother's issue cause the anxiety and the pain I am experiencing of trusting my therapist takes all my energy.

Again, I am transferring problems from the past to the therapist and every experience gets easier and easier because nothing compares to the past hurt...

I heard one time the tennis William sisters only practice with men. This meant they practice tennis with men because men are more "powerful" on surfing and playing against so when the sister face their opponents that is why they are so powerful for so many years...

Trauma is similar in my experience, it is like nothing will hurt me as much as my family, but the therapist hurt and process is very much similar, so the more I recover from the therapist relationship and process, the more I sort of slip out of my original trauma. I have to make the connection though. it is not assumed. I must make the connection when I feel the loosen of certain emotion and behaviour.

Hope this makes. I am all over because I am super tired and should be heading for bed now.

 

[shimmerz]

She also said I need to just see my counselor for what they are: a paid professional and nothing more.

Who the f*ck is this person... (not looking for a response on this one) but seriously - who the f*ck IS this person. Talk about boundary breaching. Holy crap!

counselor as someone who cares about me. Is that bad?

No, not unless the counselor has their own stuff and needs you to continue relying on them. And I think that the way you describe what is happening between the two of you sounds healthy.

I think the idea is for you to learning that being cared about can actually be a safe thing. So your counselor is displaying for you how that looks when it is healthy. That is an external reference to care which we were supposed to have when we were infants-toddlers-children-teens-and so on.

When the time is right she will help you learn how to internalize the caring model she has shown you so that you can follow routines and actions that allow you to care for yourself. Then the transfer will have been completed.

You can still realized that your counselor cares for you at that point in time but she will not be your primary supply of caring for you. You will be.

 

[EveHarrington]

Transference can be good or bad.

I personally avoid it in therapy when it’s a huge issue because I don’t like the idea of a therapist being a surrogate for working out my negative feelings. I want to be given the tools to work out my issues with the person themselves.

But, this isn’t always possible in many circumstances.

I think it all boils down to whether or not it feels like a comfortable healing modality to you.