Relationship Is your vet clingy?

[Never_falter2]

To give a few examples:
Bringing out the trash, Vet follows me. He does not touch the trash bag or the trash can because it is one of his triggers (but he holds open the door for me. That‘s nice)
Cooking in the kitchen, Vet sitting on the floor, whenever I go to get something from the pantry Vet follows me - every single time.

He is also clingy with his best friend, who lives far away, but hubby phones and Skypes with him him a lot „just to see how he is“, calls him „his brother from another mother“, tells him „I love you“.

When I was away I had to skype everyday. One day I was not there at the time I promised but only three minutes later, hubby in panic mode.

When he is away we skype a lot and he is like „show me the children“ and if they are sleeping he wants to see how they are sleeping.

He is very sad about the fact his workmates are not his close friends.

So a lot of people here are writing about their sufferers inability to form close bounds, but mine not only has close bounds but at times he likes them to be extremely close... making me think „that‘s a bit too much now“. For example when cooking. Nope, he does not want to bring me the peas from the pantry, he wants to come with me, observe how I take the peas from the pantry, come back the kitchen. Sit there again.

PTSD?

 

[Hojay]

Hm, my SO isn’t like that so much but sometimes, when he’s in bad shape and I leave the room he looks at me like I’m about to walk out on him forever. A little like toddlers look after their mothers in that scared, confused way when they walk out of the room. I think there’s a certain amount of regression that goes hand in hand with these episodes. So maybe your vet is somewhat symptomatic and regressing? Attachment problems, abandonment fears I think aren’t all that uncommon. Though my SO is outwardly distant and aloof with his friends, when they “reject” him (in his eyes) or show distance in any perceived way, he’s incredibly sensitive to it. I don’t have PTSD and I can get the same way when I’m vulnerable and in bad shape. It’s a form of social anxiety I think...fear of abandonment.

 

[Sweetpea76]

That sound less like clinginess and more like hypervigilance. Sounds like he's watching/protecting.

 

[LuckiLee]

Sounds like hypervigalance. Making sure you're safe. For the longest time I thought my guy slept on the couch because of his nightmares. Nope. He told me the other day it's to make sure I'm safe. He's not worried about himself just me. He sleeps much better in bed though. When he's in PTSD mode he's on the couch.

Do you feel comfortable asking him about it?

 

[Cyberluddite]

I agree with the others. Your Vet isn't clingy, he's hypervigilant in a protective way.

You lose a lot of people you consider "family" when you're a soldier. The bonds you make while eating, sleeping, fighting, and dying are some of the deepest wounds a human can suffer. It's 24/7/365, nonstop, and for many years.

Sometimes, a soldier sees those same wounds in the people whose lands he fights in. It's no wonder how WW1 devastated the humanity's psyche so brutally, that Picasso's "Guernica" became the artistic icon of modern war, and inspired T.S. Elliott's greatest poems.

I know it feels a bit uncomfortable, but for some veterans the war never truly ended.

And he's doing the best he can, between flashbacks and regressions, to make sure you're safe. You may be his saving grace.

 

[Never_falter2]

Thanks, guys. Actually it is okay for me his is like this. I think it can be sweetheart, sometimes a bit over the top but I am okay with it. I just asked this question because I noticed how everybody always says „my sufferer needs space, my suffer isolates, needs to be alone, does not have stable relationships“. So my guy is different and I just wanted to know how common this is.

@leehalf Yes, I did ask him and he joked around like he does a lot of the times.

 

[Deleted member 12723]

Sound like a nice guy, does he say that he feels seperation anxiety from others that he is close to?

 

[Gs172003]

To give a few examples:
Bringing out the trash, Vet follows me. He does not touch the trash bag or...

Are you sure he's not protecting you? I haven't read the rest of the thread so this may have been said already.

 

[Never_falter2]

Sound like a nice guy, does he say that he feels seperation anxiety from others that he is close to?[/QUOT...

Separation anxiety? Not sure if he has separation anxiety from me, not sure if he has separation anxiety from others. He does not seem to be anxious... just clingy... in the other hand it is sometimes difficult to guess his feelings.
Is he clingy with other people too. Yes, for example with his best friend, who unfortunately lives far a away.

 

[headshrinker89]

Like others have said it seems like he's experiencing some hyper vigilance, which of course if a big symptom of PTSD. However, yours Vet's behaviors appear to be some what of an "atypical" hyper vigilance. Traditionally, hyper vigilance is more along the lines of making sure your physical surrounding area is safe/secure. Like my Vet will always make sure to have a table in an area where he can assess everything, he will make sure he knows the nearest exits, and sometimes formulates a plan of action if "anything goes down." My point to this is that hyper vigilance doesn't stereotypically involve to significant other, but mental health issues manifest themselves uniquely to the individual. It sounds like your Vet has separation anxiety, control issues, and attachment issues.

Is his PTSD symptomatic in other ways that you notice? i.e. push/pull from the relationship, emotional outburst, isolation, night terrors, etc.

 

[Never_falter2]

He actually does not have this push/pull, emotional outburst and isolation behaviour.

 

[Gs172003]

He actually does not have this push/pull, emotional outburst and isolation behaviour.

I haven't read your story, has your vet lost somebody close to him in his life?