Supporter It All Makes Sense Now...

[waitingforhim]

Thanks for taking time to read this. I began a relationship with a Military Physician about 8 months ago and we were both very excited about our feelings for one another and potential for the future. We both recently came out of 20 year+ marriages and thought we'd found in each other what we'd been missing for a very long time. About a month ago he started being very depressed and brief with me, and after a few days just said he needed his solitude for awhile.

At first I was understanding and told him I'd be here when he needed me, but then days turned into weeks and I started to get angry. I felt I deserved some sort of explanation/closure. Now, while he has never come straight out and told me he has PTSD, after reading so much about it I finally put it together. He has told me in the past that his main issue with his ex was his need for solitude, and that he had problems reintegrating after each of his 5 deployments. He also said he suffers from intermittent bouts with depression and anxiety. Not having any experience with the Military before, my mind didn't go to the idea of it being PTSD, but I have seen his plethora of medals and awards, and I'm quite sure they don't just hand those out for good attendance.

I now see all of the signs I missed before; the hyper vigilance, insomnia, memory loss, constant anxiety, wanting solitude but feeling lonely....and, now with the sudden detachment from me, like I never meant anything to him, all makes sense. I knew he was under extreme stress from a number of things...recent divorce, return from deployment, new city, new job, etc, but I thought the more loving and attentive I was, the easier things would get for him. I believe it ended up making him feel guilty that he couldn't reciprocate as I needed, and stressed him more. I wish he would have told me what he was going through.

He said he is in counseling and needs more time, so I'm leaving him to heal. We have not spoken in a month, and only e-mailed/texted 2 or 3 times. I hope he is getting the help he needs, but as he is very high ranking, and given the stigma associated with this diagnosis, he may have an aversion to taking medication or get the level of help he needs. I truly love this man, and can't imagine ever giving up on him, but the "not knowing" if or when he may return to being the man I met, is very sad for me.

I can't tell you how much all of your stories and experiences mean to me. Best of luck to you all. Any advice, especially from the prospective of a sufferer, would be appreciated.

 

[MoeX]

Hello and welcome.
My only advice is to gather as much knowledge as you can about PTSD. Really do your homework so that you can try to understand. With that said it is still sometimes very hard to deal with and you need to have a lot of patience. Remember to take care of yourself and continue living your life. Also try to find as much support for yourself as possible. This site has helped me so much as real time friends do not always understand.

Good luck.

 

[Meghan87]

Felt good to read this post, I know I do this to my Sam sometimes but I just can't snap out of it for some reason ....I am sure he feels the way you do sometimes but I am never really sure if he actually sees it like the way you just described it so perfectly...anyways it was like reading what I wish he would say

 

[saoirserylyn]

I love this forum. Reading your post reminded me of what I so often do to others without taking their feelings into consideration. Sufferers with PTSD tend to run hot and cold seemingly out of nowhere. Giving them a little space never hurts, but little reminders that you still care about them never hurt anyone. I am really glad you are here and seeking perspective on your situation instead of giving up.

 

[waitingforhim]

MoeX: Thank you for your welcome and the encouragement. It's very much appreciated.

Meghan87: In turn, it felt good to get your response. Just as many sufferers can't always express how they feel about their loved ones, I think supporters also search for the elusive balance of letting our SO's know our love/concern without wanting to put to much pressure on them. Thank you!

Saoirsirylyn: I read your intro earlier and I feel almost silly posting my situation, given the trauma you've had to endure, but I suppose that's what we're all here for... Support from people who care and understand. Thank you. I believe Sufferers and their supporters seek out eachother because one needs more love than the average person and one has more love to give. I hope you find someone who has that excess for you. Best wishes.

 

[intothelight]

Hi waitingforhim,

Welcome to MyPTSD forum! :)

There is an entire section for Supporters where you will find information and advice from other members who have/are experiencing similar situations. Isolation is perhaps one of the most difficult symptoms for a supporter to deal with. Learning what you can about PTSD and finding support for yourself is important.

Sufferers have many reasons they isolate and the duration can vary. There was a period of time I pulled away from everyone as I felt that I was "toxic" and people were better off not being around me. In retrospect, I understand how much that hurt those that wanted to be there for me, but also I was in a place where I was incapable of connecting. There are also times that I isolate because the world is getting a little overwhelming and I just don't want to increase the anxiety. But I have learned just to let others know that I need some "down time" and it is short and just some space to reset.

I hope you find the information and support here helpful.

Take care.

Debbie

 

[Lady of Longbourn]

Welcome to the forum.