Nice to see you, too a3a2. You know you have PTSD when you have to scroll to the top of the page to see which comes first, the 3 or the 2, geesh! You've been here forever, as have I. With breaks. There have been a bazillion discussions on 'How Long To Stay On The Forum'. I remember feeling SO awful, like the entire thread had been designed to get rid of me specifically, hee! Is that zero ego or rampant ego?
Suppose it varies through time, one's reasons for being here. I'd have to guess each of us would sound a little different, give the chance to present our case. It IS safe, whew, there's a reason to feel secure while here. I know for me, the first time I stepped up to someone who I felt was pushing everyone around a little and no one died, it felt GREAT. The PTSD took a hit that day, to be sure, and every, single day I've forced myself to log in. This PTSD thing doesn't go away. I'm not whining, no point. I do require being around people who plain old do not much care if I have 3 heads, a lisp, limp and green hair. There are 100 reasons why the forum, properly used, is probably better than therapy sometimes, sorry to sound controversial. I'm the one with PTSD since 1991. I get to say what has been helpful and healing.
The thing is, it's a big forum. If I had any advice to hand out it would be for members to be try to be part of the whole. I'll bet every, single person here has in some way genuinely suffered horribly by being at the least singled out for bullying and at the worst had the stuffing beaten out of them. Talk about a gathering place for the downtrodden. There have been a ton of threads on how PTSD affects people's aspects, are we somehow KINDER, more sensitive than the general population? Unless there's another diagnosis, I think the answer there always turns out to be yes.
The advice. I don't mean to become preachy, just have seen the dynamics at play over time. Look, it's pretty normal for people on the planet to develope their own groups, have 'cliques', be buddies. It's nice, we need that, especially given our traumas and the fact that we've been horribly excluded here and there simply because we're all so, so different. This last is exactly why it's just plain silly to then have a strain of IEW pop up here, a veritable Mean Girls, Lindsey Lohan construct of suspision and exclusion in a place where it's least excusable. Nope. I am not targeting anyone in particular so do not anyone yell at me. I could name a bazillion instances in the past where this has occured visibly and for every one there's no doubt another bazillion occuring via PM's.
Why am I making a kind of public statement on this, advice to new members when I have zero right to give anyone advice on anything, from how to tie their shoes on up to how to conduct themselves in the forum? Because of what a3a2 said. It's a great place, wierdly so, in my opinion. I'd SO hate to have anyone feel so awful they left, maybe nameless people we have no clue were here and gone. Way back when, the only reasons I stayed at one point were for one thing I was pretty impressed with Anthony ( sorry Anthony ). This person with PTSD had spun allll that hideous fall-out into a living, breathing THING. There's a personal mantra of mine which centers around Light coming out of Darkness- gosh I was intrigued plus so, so hopeful after almost going under, for real, with the sheer weight of living with PTSD. It's not our forum, as much of it as is finite belongs to Anthony and his Queen. There's an elusive, cloud portion which belongs to plain old Hope, Light, Gawd himself, I think. Who the h*ll knows how many lives have been saved just by logging in here, for real, folks. It's saved mine, as in genuinely saved mine. I'm also an extremelyyyyy lucky person. Unlike an awful of peoplee here, I've had a wonderful childhood, had that solid kernal of strength to fall back on when sheer reasoning is required. Sometimes. :)
The instance I'm speaking of I'll use as an illustration because I think it's typical from both ends. A few of us had been engaging in light-hearted back-and-forths, just having a giggle. A member ( not here any more ) who was awfully intimidating anyway, interjected with some extremely shaming comments, broke up the party, threw her forum weight around. I logged off in TEARS, walked around doing that PTSD thing of truly just feeling like I was a piece of dog doodle, very nearly just left the forum thinking I had somehow blown it here beyond reclaim. It took awhile before non-shame based Anni said whoa, waittttt a minute, I hate feeling this awful. I logged back in and ( honestly ) told them how they'd made the situation awful for some of us. Long story short, the member still isn't crazy about me, oh well. My point is served. This is a hugely valuable, many faceted, incredibly generous forum. Yes, we're here to help ourselves but just like the larger universe, we're here to help others too. For new members, of COURSE, cherish your new friends, have this new and unexpected life we've found here. Just do try to be aware of other's fragililty, and the human tendency to become sucked in to those silly, Lindsey Lohan cliques.
There are probably briefer ways to say all that. :) Hullo a3a2, none of that was directed at you, sorry about your thread! :)
