Death It Just Won't Sink In.

[Toria]

Hello all - I've wondered about posting in this section for a few months now but I kept thinking this phase would pass.

We lost my dad in June. He wasn't poorly - or at least he didn't know he was. He was 69 and was due to retire in 10 weeks on his 70th birthday in September.

The thing is, it won't sink in. He was my dad and it just seems to me to be inconceivable that he's gone - he was my dad and therefore he can't be dead. To this end, I don't seem to be grieving. I've looked at the stages of grief and I'm fairly certain I should be past this by now. I know there isn't a rule book - but really?

It's as if I know there's something big lurking in my brain but as much as I try to focus on it, it slips away. Has anyone else had anything similar?

I am the Supporter by the way and my Husband the Sufferer. He has been truly great x

Thank you for reading

 

[RussH]

Toria, we all greive at our own pace. When you are ready to deal with the loss of your dad (sorry for your loss) your brain will start processing it,and it will sink in allowing you to move through the stages of grief.

 

[Lost214]

I agree with RussH.
I lost my dad 10 years ago. Best thing I can say is be kind to yourself and don't put a timeline on this. I did begin to set aside time every day to where I did nothing but grieve. Started with an hour and worked down. In that time I let myself just be with my loss and feelings. Helped me to get thru the day better and eventually the stages. I'm sorry for your loss

 

[Tinyflame]

I am so sorry @Toria :( :cry: . Big Big Hugs XOX. :hug:

 

[Friday]

Nobody dies in my mind. I have a list of a good (I was going to write 40, but it's probably closer to mid 3 low 4 digit range if we include everyone, and not just people I cared about). Except for the people that die over and over, but that's a different issue.

The point being is that every May12th I think of what B is doing for their birthday (d. 2005). I wonder if P has been promoted yet at his fire station, or S is still a manwhore or if he's fallen for someone, yet? (99 & 04-06).

I know they're dead. I know they're all dead. I'll occasionally forget -for real- like reach for the phone since I'm going to be in Virginia or Dubai level of forget and want to see if they're still there / track them down / have time free, but then I remember and think of who "else" lives in Virginia or Dubai. :rolleyes: But I still think of them. Both in the memory sense of things shared, as well as in the way one passingly thinks of someone living far away, and wife ring how they're doing.

Yes. It's denial. No idea if it's unhealthy or not. It lets me function.

 

[stormy]

@Toria I am so sorry for your loss.
I lost my dad in 2006, I was numb and didn't feel real. I don't think I processed it though. There are alot of unresolved issues and questions that are left, just kind of lingering.

I believe you have to allow yourself time, as much time as you need. This is such a huge loss for you. Again, I am sorry. Allow your emotions to come and go as they will, and be kind to yourself.