Jane chambers
New Here
The anniversary of his death is coming up. The air smells the same. Having strange nightmares about men and children in those glowing safety vests. the kids roll a ball into the street. then i wake up, a few times a night. i can hear his mother scream his name, he looks up from tying his shoe, he sees the truck, he looks at me, then the noise and everything turns black, i feel the wind of the truck blowing by me, i spin around. i was screaming but no noise came out and turning in circles, i recently had a pretty vivid flashback where i saw me standing a little ways across from me, watching me try to scream. somehow I'm now across the street, I'm standing there holding his baby brother and standing next to his sister, we are all just looking down at his body on the sidewalk. then i remember being in some old ladies house around the corner from where we were. she had those yellow flowers that spin when the wind blows. she offered us Portuguese wine. i can feel the push buttons on her off white wall phone, i keep calling my parents, the line is busy, i keep trying.
i feel as helpless now as i did then. i don't know how to hold all of this together for much longer, his mothers voice and the way he looked at me just keep going on a loop in my head, nonstop i really just don't know what to do, i feel so lost and stuck, i don't know how to try to be all of these things to people who need and rely on me and try to heal myself. i just want it to stop
i feel as helpless now as i did then. i don't know how to hold all of this together for much longer, his mothers voice and the way he looked at me just keep going on a loop in my head, nonstop i really just don't know what to do, i feel so lost and stuck, i don't know how to try to be all of these things to people who need and rely on me and try to heal myself. i just want it to stop
