Relationship It's Affecting The Kids?

[Jane11]

Long story short, married recently for the 2nd time. Already had kids to ex, more kids with new husband. NH used to be amazing with all the kids, now PTSD has essentially made him an angry, selfish and lazy version of the man I knew, and the stepdad they knew.
I've lost the man I loved, most of the time I actually dislike this new version of him. I've tried for a very long time to deal, and thought the best thing for our family was for us to move forward and get married. But now all the children are telling me they are hurt/sad/confused about the changes in NH. They know about the PTSD and I can see it giving them anxiety - tiptoeing around him, fearing the explosions, and me trying to hide the fact I'm in tears a LOT (they are perceptive kids, they know). I feel as though I should leave him, his mental health is impacting on our mental health. Advice?????
NB he's on meds, has counselling, all after a LOT of pushing from me. But he's still an ogre. 80% of the time. I'm not being flippant with that term; he's mean.

 

[Sweetpea76]

That's rough. It's very hard to make a choice between the most important people in your life.

Would he go to family counseling? Or is it possible to talk rationally to him about it? You guys having biological kids together complicates the situation, but your kids shouldn't have to deal with anger and lashing out.

Personally, I err on the side of my kids for now. I have teenage kids from a previous relationship, and don't live with my sufferer despite having been together for 4 years. I made the decision to have PTSD in my life. They didn't, and one of my firm boundaries is that I do not tolerate lashing out behaviors directed at my kids, or at me in front of my kids. My vet understands my position. Us maintaining our own places, even with spending most of our time together, gives us more space when we need it.

 

[EveHarrington]

Protect your kids.

I'm concerned that you don't describe it as irritability but you say he's mean and you have to deal with his explosions. (Explosions are terrifying for kids.)

He may be in treatment but it sounds like he has much healing to do. I think that it would be good for you to tell him that his anger/meanness/explosions are unacceptable and if he can't change then you will have to do what's best for your kids. (You don't want your kids to end up with mental health issues, too, but they could be on that path if subjected to all that emotional abuse.)

 

[Mytime]

I understand the hard spot your in. If you can get into marriage counselling, it could help. But kids need to come first. He needs to know his behaviour is unacceptable and that its hurting the kids. You can't change what you don't acknowledge . Sending you best wishes:)