It's Basically Over...

[Thizette]

I've had that problem in previous relationships. My ex-husband thought we never had sex enough. I just didn't want it, or wasn't comfortable, or had been triggered earlier and had a hard time. He knew why I was this way but just didn't get it. At one point I thought I was asexual. It's very different with my current partner, I think in large part to the way he views sex--as something sacred.

My ex and I fought about sex for eight years, so I understand the pain and difficulty you're experiencing. My heart hurts for you. But, it is important that you do what is right for you, and if that means a break-up, then I hope that you are able to find a stable living/work situation soon. It's scary to be vulnerable like that. I hope also that you find someone with whom you are sexually compatible, who understands your needs and respects your body and your boundaries.

 

[Bfab]

@EveHarrington I've taken my name off leases in CA, OR, WA, IL, MA, NY, VA, NC,...

I live in VA and I'm not familiar with the ability to take your name off of a lease without paying early termination fees. The fees are almost as much as the cost to stay in the apartment the duration of the lease. I also approve the monies to pay relocation fees for employees at my job and we always have to pay early termination fees. A month to month lease is a different story but even those require notification.

 

[Bfab]

@Bolt_On My first apartment put of college was with a boyfriend. We broke up amicably and still has a some months on our lease. We decided to stay in the apartment and made rules that respected each other. We didn't invite people we were dating over, stayed in separate rooms, and respected each others privacy. Emotionally it was hard but financially it was the best decision. He ended up working at night's so we barely saw each other.

Maybe that's something to consider if the two of you can come to terms of agreement.

 

[Friday]

@Bfab...there is no early termination. The apartment stays occupied. By one -or more- of the original lease holders. (So you're not vacating, subletting, or finding a new renter. The apartment does not change hands.). The only thing that changes is 4 names turns to 3 names, or 2 names turns to 1 name. Or 2 names AB turn into 2 names AC as one roommate is replaced with another.

If they were talking about both leaving, that would be a different issue. But when 2 people divorce, or break up, or decide to no longer be roommates... They don't both/all have to stay in the unit until the end of the lease... In any state I've ever lived in or heard of. It would be an incredibly strange thing full of all sorts of legal & practical problems.

@Bolt_On
Since it doesn't really matter what mine or every other state might do and their laws if they're not yours... My suggestion would be to go down to your office and ask about change of occupancy or change of tenancy forms, and what their protocol is for adding or subtracting a name to the existing lease. My experience, as I said above, is that most just require the signatures of all existing leaseholders, and some a credit check fee to make sure that the income level still meets their minimum requirements. That info has never been in the lease itself. It's always an extra form you have to go ask for.

 

[Bolt_On]

Thank you so much Thizette, you definitely understand what I'm going through.

@Bfab : yeah, that's what we ended up deciding to do until I can move out. Basically the same rules you stated we also laid out, except we only have one bedroom so we have to trade off the bed now and then or one of us has to leave for a couple days so the other person can have privacy, etc. Going to be hard, but it's better than being homeless.

 

[Thizette]

I'm glad you feel able to live together until something comes along. <3

 

[Bfab]

@Bolt_On I wish you the best of luck! You can always vent or start a diary to clear your thoughts, if the situation becomes challenging.

 

[Changing4Best]

Yeah, I've been in therapy for about 5 months. I don't see my therapist for another two weeks though....

Maybe you can call your therapist or email them?

 

[Bolt_On]

Maybe you can call your therapist or email them?

I'll do that and try to get in a bit sooner. It'd probably be good to talk to someone about all this face to face.

 

[Bolt_On]

Right now I have that awful feeling of being lost. I spent nearly every day with her for the past year and lived with her for about half of it, maybe even a little more. It's so hard to look at anything in the apartment without crying because I have some memory attached to it. Part of me is tempted to just go out on a date with someone new in attempts to take my mind off things, but that would probably be a bad idea. I will have to re-learn how to do everything alone again, which is going to be weird at first, because we did almost everything together. Sadly this was the longest relationship I've had in about 5 or 6 years. Ever since my traumas happened, I haven't been able to keep anyone around long. It hurts so much.

 

[Changing4Best]

I am a widow. I find that when I think back on our 23 years, I can be happy for what we had. It ended with love though, so in my situation, that is different than yours. I have found that I enjoy being alone now. I love myself and I find peace in being with myself and God. I miss him, for sure. I am sad some days, for sure too. But it is not an impossible life for me now. I have been going to a local social club for Senior Citizens. I have many friends now. They do not take his place, no, but they do help. I love their stories and jokes and all that. We eat lunch together most days. My life is full of the love of friends. That is enough for me. Also, if for any reason I have a problem with one of them, the others are still my friends. This has not really happened that I recall, but it just seems like that is the way it would be if for any reason one of them and I had a tiff of some sort. I even doubt that this would occur anyway. I just want to give you some hope. Life while being single after many years of togetherness with a mate is not impossible or sad. It can be a fuller and just as rewarding life, if one works at it.