Relationship It's Over, A Big Thank You X

[Newtoptsd]

I'm almost frustrated for you that you can't even ask for answers because he won't come round to admitting he's got problems! Saying that I do think you know more about your vets previous suffering than I know about mine, he's very quiet with his suffering and tends to just say he's having a bad day etc. he won't explain much or offer me any insight into how bad he's gotten before or talk about the past. This doesn't necessarily bother me because he does let in bits and bobs here and there and I'll always let him volunteer the information never probe.

He won't say it's not fine .... not many people with PTSD will because they think you deserve better. He probably knows he's hurting you and this is the push away phase, catch 22 with that one because mine has said I need to go date 'normal' men and that I deserve someone who's not mentally ill. However, if I did go and do that it would just ultimately confirm that he should absolutely not trust anyone. Am I probably being a bit of a mug by not dating as he very well might be? Probably but I'm just not that kind of person. I believe that no matter how bad the other person is I always 'treat people how you want to be treated' then I rarely carry guilt for what I've done or said ... does that make sense?

 

[Deleted member 38137]

I'm almost frustrated for you that you can't even ask for answers because he won't come round to admi...

Yes it makes complete sense. It's like I want to say screw him and go date someone that will actually leave the house and not pick fights all the time but then again, I work so much I don't mind laying around and watching movies and cooking. I do go out with my kids and do things that I don't invite him to because I want to give him that space but then he makes snide comments.

For example, I went out last week for my daughter's birthday dinner. My ex husband was there and didn't bring his gf. Dumb Dumb goes and says something like "a nice romantic dinner" or something like that. And I was like, huh??? You don't get jealous you claim. lol

I don't want a "normal" man either. I'm proud to be with my Vet. I admire his courage and his intelligence. I just don't admire the bullshit that comes along with it. Do you get what I'm saying???

 

[Newtoptsd]

Yes it makes complete sense. It's like I want to say screw him and go date someone that w...

Oh God all the jealousy .... I get this a lot and he tries to do it in a jokey way but I know full well he would pretend he didn't care that I dated someone when in reality he definitely would. I get the whole 'you were on a date last night weren't you' and 'you had a boy here the other night' all said in a funny jokey way but it's not. To be completely honest I do the same with him, I guess it's our way of telling each other we would care and we don't want to share but again I am not in a relationship.

I think if you can make peace with the fact he won't verbally commit you might look at things differently? I've made peace that I won't be able to mention the relationship or boyfriend word and in all honesty it's helped me. I don't need a label, right now I would say we aren't together but there are times where he is committed to me without him realizing. Like the time he told me he deleted his dating apps, I was so shocked and elated but I didn't show it too much in case he freaked out. He made out it was because they 'annoyed him' ... pffftttt behave.

I know it might be hard to get your head around but honestly the no pressure of saying you're in a relationship lifts the pressure from them. I have spoken to people on here and it's taken them a year or more for their sufferer to come around enough to know you won't leave, they can trust you and you are in a relationship. PATIENCE is the key to PTSD.

 

[Deleted member 38137]

Oh God all the jealousy .... I get this a lot and he tries to do it in a jokey way but I know full we...

Patience is not my virtue. I sell for a living for Christ sakes. There is no tomorrow when you're selling cars. It's always NOW, NOW, NOW!!! But by the same token, I am trying to be patient.

It's such a hard thing for us girls because their illness holds all of the cards. :(

 

[Newtoptsd]

I'm also in sales haha but somehow I have the patience of a saint ... maybe I shouldn't be in sales :-/

I know it's an absolute shitter, I'm starting to think I subconsciously have issues ... I don't know where they're stemming from but I tend to go for the guys that in some way emotionally or physically unavailable to me, probably from the offset I know I'm going to be heartbroken in some way so when it happens it hurts less! I don't know ha the only two men I have ever loved and one lived a mere 9hours plane ride away and the other is battling PTSD. My mum cannot cope with my choice in men ha.

 

[Deleted member 38137]

I'm also in sales haha but somehow I have the patience of a saint ... maybe I shouldn't be in sales :...

It's called Co-Dependency darlin. LOL. I don't know. I always find the broken ones too. But my current one won 't let me try to fix him. So maybe that's going to break the cycle. Who knows??

 

[Newtoptsd]

I didn't think I was co-dependent ... I don't think I understand the true meaning of co-dependency. I've never been in a relationship and haven't felt like I've ever needed one? Yet the ones I go for are unavailable, the first was perfectly healthy I just couldn't see him all the time and it was never going to work unless one of us moved which I knew deep down but continued because I was so in love with him! Then yeah you know the deal with this one?!!

We can't fix them, that's where most peoples problems lie lol! I am under no illusion that I can fix my vet, he's working on fixing himself, I think I just provide a happy distraction and a safe place for him when he needs it ... to quote you ... WHO KNOWS?????