Relationship It's Over, A Big Thank You X

[Newtoptsd]

Awww...I'm so sorry. I know you really loved the guy. But there is hope for the both of...

@PartTimeWarriorLover thank you so much for your kind words! What you said is right, sometimes you need time away to straighten things out on both sides.

I know I can live without him and I know there's loads more people out there but currently I don't want to be without him and I don't want anyone else! ive had one other great heartbreak before and I got over that so my mentality is good :)

How are you doing? Is your vet doing any better?

 

[Buttercup]

@tlc hey there, how are you? Did you have a good Christmas break?

Things are goo...

We'll everything sounds pretty good for you...I'm happy to hear it!

Things are going well for me too. Family situation much better and back on with my guy after Christmas. We worked through some of our kinks, but moment by moment, right? For now, it's great, though!

So happy to hear you're doing well. :hug:

 

[Newtoptsd]

We'll everything sounds pretty good for you...I'm happy to hear it!

Things are going well for me too. Fami...

I'm trying not to get too happy at the moment, you just never know do you? Once I get too happy it's a crash and burn situation!!

Oh brilliant :) this is great news! I'm happy things have got back on track for you recently!

 

[Deleted member 38137]

@PartTimeWarriorLover thank you so much for your kind words! What you said is righ...

He's back to normal. Or as normal as possible. I think he felt like a dick on Monday and texted me and now he's back on track. I've been over here since Friday and we have been getting along well.

I think you guys were right about the holidays. Last night was New Year's and we just sat home. He seemed to handle the fireworks pretty well.

How's things with you guys?

 

[Buttercup]

@PartTimeWarriorLover I'm glad things are better for you guys. I know you were having a rough time of it. I read your diary :)

Things are good for me too. Only I've been thinking today what I will do or how I will handle things next time things get sticky. It may be unrealistic of me to think things will automatically be different when a conflict arises.

Oh well! In any case, happy new year to you all!

 

[Deleted member 38137]

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@PartTimeWarriorLover I'm glad things are better for you guys. I know you were having a...

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Yeah, that ship sailed today. Around 3 pm I was advised that I don't do anything right and I need to go home. Apparently me wanting him to finish what he sexually started was too much pressure and I was cuckholding him.

In addition to the PTSD, he's been strongly influenced by the manosphere and any act of kindness or pleasure towards me is viewed as a weakness to him.

I felt like crying. Anyhow, I grabbed my shit and I left. This is time #5 he has told me to leave. He also told me his ex gf worked more than me (I work 55 hours a week) and makes more money. He neglected to mention two things he's told me before. A. She's bisexual. (I am not) and B. They broke up because she started hanging out with someone from work. (Hmmm... wonder why she worked so much).

Anyhow, he tried to ruin my day. He did not. I went and hung out with my kids and grandsons. He's not the only male that can make me smile.

Happy New Year to you too!

 

[Newtoptsd]

@PartTimeWarriorLover Shit balls, is anything any better now?

Does it matter that much that his ex was Bi, that she worked more hours than you? I understand that he probably has severe trust issues from the reason of their break-up though. Throw all that on top of PTSD and it all becomes a bit too much!!

I'm glad he didn't ruin your day though, like everyone says in those cases you have to live your life and not worry or dwell too much on their behaviour. They have to heal themselves in those moments and take the time to calm and reflect.

Hope you're better today!

 

[Deleted member 38137]

@PartTimeWarriorLover Shit balls, is anything any better now?

Does it matter th...

Nope, not really. He texted me this yesterday "I never wanted to hurt you. You are a good woman and will make any man happy. I'm just not the one for a serious relationship right now."

I didn't even bother to text him back. He said pretty much the same thing the night before. So why reiterate it while I'm at work???

My work buddy (I sell cars so I work with all men) said just don't even answer him. That he needs to realize who he broke up with and let him think about it for a few days. So I'm just blowing him off. I wanted to text back but my work buddy said don't.

And as far as issues go, he's got issues. Period. He literally started yelling at me after we were playing around and started saying all of that shit about how his ex makes more money, that I'm lazy and that he shouldn't be in a relationship. I was like "uh, we were just having foreplay and then you start tripping balls on me? Wtf?"

Unfortunately, I think I'm seeing either a downward spiral as one of the other members called it or he's been hiding his true self. Either way, no bueno!!!

So what's going on with your guy??? Anything new???

 

[Newtoptsd]

Nope, not really. He texted me this yesterday "I never wanted to hurt you. You are a good...

Gah sounds like what my vet says sometimes, they just push you away! It sounds like foreplay may have triggered him though, if that's what was occurring and he started flipping out. I could be jumping to conclusions but maybe he has had some other forms of abuse before or has had some sort of sexual incident or a weird relationship with sex?

It really honestly so hard to understand what triggers sufferers unless they are willing to talk about it or if they aren't willing to reflect on their behavior afterwards. No I think you need to leave it a few days, not even just for him but definitely for yourself ... regain some sanity.

Did you try setting any boundaries with him? As in when you go ape at me I will remove myself from the situation as I won't be tolerated being spoken to like that? Also maybe if it happens again you should get out before he makes you leave?

We're communicating, I'm not really sure right now ... I haven't seen him for a while. He told me last night he's moving back into his flat (it's 2 mins from me) he left the flat when he came back from rehab and went back to live with him family so since November I've only sporadically seen him. I didn't react very enthusiastically ... not because I'm not happy but I thought the flat was the thing that made him spiral downhill, he said he can't live by himself etc. so I wasn't sure moving back in would be a good idea. He kept saying 'stop pretending you're not happy' ... does this mean all the cards are back on the table now he's moving back near me? I'm trying not to think too much and I'm just going to move forward with caution. He's broke our 'friendship' off a fair few times now so I just want to take it slow. He has never ever been horrible to me or verbally abusive, he is honestly such a beautiful, amazing, hilarious person so him moving closer to me will be a mixture of wonderfulness and heartache all over again.

 

[Deleted member 38137]

Gah sounds like what my vet says sometimes, they just push you away! It sounds like foreplay may have...

Honestly what I think triggered him was me saying, "You better finish what you started and quit teasing me" of which he complied to and then I think he felt that he submitted to my demands and that he cannot be in a relationship with someone where he isn't 100% in control. Basically that bullshit that they teach in the Manosphere...if you do what a woman want's you are a Beta Male and blah, blah, blah.

Honestly, I think it's getting more serious for him than he anticipated and so he keeps trying to eff it up. I really think he does a good job of playing mentally stable but he's truly not. I couldn't believe how nutty he acted. Another thing I noticed is he will go organize something or start doing chores when he's stressed. He did that a couple of times over the weekend.

I don't know if I've tried boundaries because he won't talk. I've told him that he hurts my feelings, etc. but boundaries??? I've made some comments about talking about exes and shit but he still does it on occasion. Not as bad as before though.

Do you think your guy is ready to go on his own??? I think it might be good for him to be closer to you because you said he was in rehab. I assume he has an addiction problem. As someone who is codependent, I think that an addict's worst nightmare is idle time. Getting him involved in your healthy habits will prevent a relapse. But once again, he has to want to get healthy.

 

[Newtoptsd]

Oh crikey I'm not sure how I would cope with that, sounds like he has a lot of issues regarding gender roles. I know a lot of that can stem from not being able to trust anyone though, PTSD gives sufferers the fear of being able to trust anyone.

Well that's just him doing the standard pushing you away tactic, although I'm refraining from ever mentioning the word relationship with my vet - he can't handle it and that's fine with me. I think him organizing something or doing chores is actually a good sign, I know it's weird but it sounds like that's how he manages his stress so this is a positive ... rather than getting angry and being incapable of looking after themselves. Well maybe when he does mention exes just ignore him, if he continues just leave ... if you don't want to hear it then don't.

He went to rehabilitation as in therapy for PTSD not for addiction. He drinks heavily every once in a while but other than that he's not on any medication or drugs and doesn't drink daily. He's actually on a very good path, he actively seeks help and goes to therapy weekly/daily at the moment and he is extremely healthy in terms of keeping fit - it's the one thing that de-stresses him. So I'm not sure about the moving in being a healthier lifestyle, at his parents he gets looked after and has people around to distract him. I guess we will just have to wait and see how he get's on, I was at his a lot before he went to rehab so I think this time I might need to step back and bit and let him find his feet without me being there constantly.

 

[Deleted member 38137]

Oh crikey I'm not sure how I would cope with that, sounds like he has a lot of issues regarding gende...

Oh, I thought he was in rehab for a substance abuse problem. Glad to hear that he doesn't have that in addition to all of his other problems. This disease is probably about just as bad though. Unstable relationships, inability to communicate, anger outbursts, high anxiety...yikes!!!!

At this point I'm going to call "us" officially over. I'm a very goal oriented person and am in my own recovery for codependency. Although I love him, I think it would be counterproductive to keep putting myself through this. I cannot fix or save him and he's refusing to seek counseling. This last blow up showed me a side of him that I've never seen. And I find myself wishing that I had met him prior to the war/divorce/insanity that his life was made into. He's damaged and refuses to help himself.

He's perfectly happy sitting in his house and watching tv, reading the news and watching bullshit from the Manosphere all day. Then calls me lazy cuz I'm tired from working 55 hours a week, Well, duh! I'm 44 years old and I run around a car dealership all day. Of course I'm tired!

I don't know what the answer is as far as your Vet and contact. He sounds like he's having issues and I would be afraid to leave him alone. But on the other hand, he does need to know how to wipe his own behind. What does his therapist say?