Relationship It's Starting To Get To Me

[journey31]

I know it isn't his fault, but his lack of emotion is really getting to me.

I'm so in love but haven't told him because he shuts down or deflects any sign of emotion. Even has said things that make me feel bad, such as needy, or emo girl.

Right now I'm going through a lot. My mom is such a hateful person. And we just fight constantly.

We were texting because I just can't talk now. I told him I was depressed. Told him I felt like my mom hated me, and he won't respond. He did to the text before that, so I know he got it and isn't busy. He's ignoring me.

How can I approach him about his lack of emotion without shutting him down more.
Maybe he doesn't realize he's doing it.

I'm starting to get insecure about his feelings for me.

 

[journey31]

He finally called and told me just to get over it. They aren't my family. (they are but don't act like they care)They're a-holes. Just move, change my number and never talk to them again.

I still want some kind of emotion from him. Mostly about us. I hate not being able to act like I and even more him not expressing it.

If he could do it just once, I'd be ok. Just let me know he does love me.

He wants to marry me but won't tell me he loves me. But our future is planned.

 

[Deleted member 1860]

Can you accept him as he is? Emotionless and all? You say you just want to hear once that he loves you but will this be enough for the rest of your life? Is it fair for your daughter to have a daddy who will never tell her that he loves her?

(I am a sufferer but my response isn't so much PTSD based as it is simply relationship based regardless of diagnosis.)

 

[journey31]

I just need to know I'm not wasting my time. If I had some security. We're long distance right now because of military and he doesn't seem to act like it's a big deal. When I said that, that's when he called me emo girl.

I didn't mention my daughter, so wondering how you knew, but he isn't her dad. But he's done more for her than her biological "father".

He hasn't told her he loves her, but does show her affection. More than me actually.

 

[Deleted member 1860]

You mention the daughter in another post. I was wondering if I replied to you before so I looked at your previous posts as to get a better idea of your story.

So he's pretty much deflecting. Instead of admitting he can't show emotion toward you, he puts you down for having emotions. I think that's kind of messed up. And to me, that shows he's in denial about his issues. It's easier to say everyone else has a problem than to admit he has a problem.

Maybe things will change, maybe they won't. I just don't see a lot of hope that they will as long as he is deflecting the issue.

The other thing is that you deserve to have your needs met. Is this guy someone who can meet your needs?

 

[journey31]

Ok, I didn't know anyone would remember my old posts.

The put downs turn into "jokes". I think he's realizing what he's doing so he will add an lol, or smiley face.

He can met my needs. He actually showed emotion while he was deployed. Now that he's home, he isn't.

He's a good guy. He really is the one I want. I just need to know how he feels. If he can't express it all the time, I'd at least like to know he loves me, so I know I'm not wasting my time.

 

[Deleted member 1860]

Sorry, I didn't want to give you the impression I'm stalking you! Sometimes it's hard for me to keep people's stories straight so I look at old posts. Nothing more.

It sounds like this is one issue and other things are ok/well. (Is this correct?)

Back to your original question. Well, it's definitely something that needs to be discussed. Other than approaching him while in a good mood, being calm, and using non-accusatory "I" statements, I don't have much advice at the moment. Hopefully others will respond with more detailed advice!

Just remember that you are in this relationship too, and you deserve to be heard and have your needs met.

 

[journey31]

No, I didn't think you were stalking me.

Yes everything else is fine. Just emotionally distant.