I've become a shopahalic!

[Changing4Best]

I don't know what to do. I even forget what I have ordered online and then it arrives in the mail. I have no idea how much I've spent until I get my bank statement. I've spent all my extra money, money I have saved up for quite some time. Today, something came in the mail and it was so unlike what the photo of it and how it had been presented online that I hardly could recognize it. Thankfully the seller agreed to take it back and will refund my money, but I am not sure if I will be able to do this with most of the other things I ordered. I don't even remember what they all were. So far, they have not arrived yet.

I don't know how come this urge to shop has all of a sudden come over me! Usually I am quite frugal and don't do things like this. For ages I was saving as much money as I could. Now I went on a shopping spree and blew it all on nonsense.

Do you have any advice for this kind of thing? Has anyone you have known suddenly spent a lot of money frivelously? Has anything like this ever happened to you? If so, what have you done to curtail this kind of craziness? Even if you haven't done something like this, what advice would you give me? Prayers and warm thoughts welcome.

 

[Nam]

First thing, are you manic? IF yes, then a therapist would help you much better than I. If not, shopping is called retail therapy for a reason. I go through phases like this often. The easiest way to curb it is not to have opportunity. Freeze credit cards in a block of ice. Unplug the TV. Erase sites from your browser, clear your history. And if you have to, take yourself offline.

I've also done the envelope method. It's not real safe if you don't keep it in you. You budget for certain things and put them in envelopes as cash. When it's gone for the month, it's gone.

I also allow myself to shop, put it in the cart but never buy. Sometimes it's the power of picking something out just for me that is therapuetic, not necessarily the buying and receiving.

Hugs. Sorry about the stress this has caused you.

 

[Kintsugi]

I also "window shop" online. I tend to agonize over things for a long time, though, even if I really need it. It took me days to figure out which tablet case I wanted to replace the one I broke last Thursday (it's my surrogate computer, so extremely important to protect). I researched and called and researched and compared and read/watched various reviews, reviewed all the sellers I was interested in, etc.

If you're like that, just going through the motions and never making a purchase might help. It does for me. I've picked out dozens of things I never ever buy. If I still want it after several months, I consider investing, but the chase is more satisfying to me than the purchase.

Keeping separate accounts for different budgets can be helpful, unless you're likely to dip into the wrong accounts.

When I was a waitress, I made lots of money (relatively--about $10-15/hour), but it was all cash. I essentially had no bank account. So I never spent it on anything unless I physically went somewhere to buy it. I realize that this is unrealistic for most situations, though.

You could always consider trying to find a way to put parental controls on your computer banning you from dangerous sites. Give the password/access/whatever to the person you trust most, so if you truly need something from such a site, they can unlock it for a couple hours?

Edited to add: at least you're not like me... I impulse buy food, eat a tiny bit, then regret it... No returns! :hilarious:

 

[intothelight]

SheilaKathy Has something out of the normal happened that is making you stressed, depressed, or anxious? Shopping, like gambling, drinking, overeating, etc. can be a maladaptive coping mechanism. Sometimes things are acquired to fill an emotional void or to address feelings of depravation. Whatever the reason, if the impact is negative then it is worth addressing with a therapist or perhaps finding an alternative for dealing with whatever precipitated it.

 

[Changing4Best]

@Nam I don't think I am manic now, but I sure was when I bought the stuff. I remember being up at 3 in the morning and going online a lot. I had forgotten how much I spent. Now the bank statement is telling me what I did and I cannot believe it! If I am really frugal this month, I think I can recover some of the money that I spent. I just have to be really careful. I remember my sister having gone through a phase of her life doing what she called "retail therapy" and I suppose it might be something that runs in the family. Her house is full to the brimming with stuff she has bought and never used. It is around all over her house with the tags still on it!

I like the idea of erasing sites from my browser. I will do that as soon as I figure out how much of this stuff I can return. I will need the websites still, I think, to do that. I do recall one thing that I bought that I want to keep. That is, if it is anything like the photo that depicted it. It was inexpensive (under $10) and something I have wanted now for awhile. I also bought some things that I need, so I will be keeping them, as long as they fit and are like the photos of them in the catalog. One thing I did do today was to throw out some catalogs that came in the mail without even opening them. I usually do that, but every so often I get tempted to peek inside of catalogs, that is something I really cannot afford to do often!

Thanks for your wise advice. It is appreciated.

 

[Changing4Best]

@Simply Simon No, I was not wise like you who researched. These were impulse purchases, done in the middle of the night during what was most likely a manic phase. I wish I could go through the motions and then not purchase the things, but I know myself well enough to know that the best way to handle this kind of thing for me is to stay away from shopping online altogether. I realize now that I know very little about shopping online and I don't want to know anything about it. It was a mistake. I don't often do this!

Hmmm... parental controls on my computer is probably a good idea. I will look into that. Thanks for the idea.

 

[Changing4Best]

@intothelight Yes, I will definitely discuss this with my therapist. I have an appointment coming up soon. I think maybe it could be the time of year. My parents died around this time of year and I miss them. I always thought I would inherit something from them, but it didn't work out that way. Daddy ended up in a nursing home and it all went to them. Thanks for your thoughts.

 

[Deleted member 12723]

Praying for you. I used to do this myself but i got myself in a hole so deep I went a credit counseling program online that helped me to pay off the mountain of debt I had acquired.

Now I I have learned my lesson and do not want large bills anymore. So I do not do online shopping at all anymore. I will only do it if it is something I cannot get in a store and then It is rare.

I am so happy to hear that you will take this one into therapy. I am sorry for the loss of your parents and mabe the spending is a way to self soothe for you.

 

[Go Hungry]

Oh wow.. This hits me... I recently got a raise and that money is burning a hole in my pocket.. And I haven't even gotten it yet! I mean, I literally have not gotten one single check at the advanced rate, but I'm all over amazon looking at stuff. I've kept it down to a dull roar so far.. but damn. This worries me a little. I mean, right now I already have a pretty big CC bill to pay off, just from money I spent trying to get the promotion (good investment) and then the celebration afterwards (bad investment)... So thank you for this thread. This helps put things into perspective some.

MUST. RESIST.

 

[Changing4Best]

@Go Hungry I guess we can help each other then. We can be accountability partners. If you get the urge to buy anything, come to this thread and tell me all about it instead of buying it. I shall do the same. Hopefully by sharing our thoughts about buying stuff and looking for loopholes out of buying stuff, we can help to curb one another's bad habits. Are you game? I was going to say that if we still want to buy the thing after describing it, then we could make that decision only after at least a week goes by. However, even that might not be long enough a time to break the habit. I'm trying to go cold turkey on this addiction, nip it in the bud so to speak. I hope that is what you want for yourself too.

 

[StellaBlue]

Well ack. I wasn't going to read this thread because I don't have a problem with this...except when I do. Every couple of months I go on these online buying binges - not a HUGE amount of money - kids and pets will still have food - but it's usually stuff I really don't need, or even want if I really think about it. But when I'm in it, it's like being buzzed - numbing. I think I do it when I'm stressed or bored (but I haven't really looked at it closely).

I was going to say that if we still want to buy the thing after describing it, then we could make that decision only after at least a week goes by.

I think this is a great idea! Having to describe what I want to buy would probably stop me right there - "another XXXX, really? the three that you have aren't enough?". And I have found that waiting is really effective. If I don't press the "purchase" button, I've usually forgotten about it by the next day.

 

[Go Hungry]

@SheilaKathy That sounds like a great idea. I'll start now. I want to get a new set of glasses (okay) and get my cavities out (also okay) but other things are burning me up. I go into what I call "fevers", like car fever, computer fever, game fever.. When it comes over me I just go nuts about how I have to have a certain thing. In the case of car fever the sheer cost keeps me from going further, but those other things.

Oh, have I blown some cash; that's for sure. There was this one game called Dust514.. it was tied into another game called Eve Online, some of my friends played it, and it was only available on the Playstation III... so sure enough, for Christmas two years ago I bought one of those things, and the fancy headphones needed to properly play it, and dropped a lot of money buying in-game items and power-ups.. then the interest on my credit card when I couldn't pay it off as planned... I probably dropped about $400 on that ONE. GAME. :wtf::poop::poop::poop:

I played the living hell out of that game for three months, then realized that it really was as crappy as everyone else had said it was, and never touched it since. My heart was broken (and my wallet) and all I had to show for it was this monument to my foolishness. It just sits there next to my TV taunting me everyday. But... I recently found out that I could trade it in for some credit on Amazon, which I plan to use to get some hardware for my computer that I actually could get some long term use out of...

But yeah, this is the battle I face every once in a while... So I think this thread could be a very good thing. :)