Childhood I've Never Felt So Silenced In My Life

[Stills]

I've always been open and a radical, but after memories of CSA, I feel halted. I'm not strong right now, I don't think I ever was. I don't like my personality, I don't like myself at all...

 

[Ronin]

Have you tried to get through reasons why?

As in, note each separately, and then note what supports your conclusion you're 'not strong', or 'not worth liking'?

Openess has many forms.
You're being open with yourself.
You're also rather radically accepting change, it seems rotating everything of understanding around the new facts.
That's still you, in another process.

(And strength, in my book, though yours is probably different, or different for now, and that's alright.)

 

[Stills]

Have you tried to get through reasons why?

As in, note each separately, and then note what supports your...

Thanks

 

[Ronin]

You're welcome, Stills.

 

[Deleted member 33052]

What is CSA?

 

[joeylittle]

Childhood Sexual Abuse

 

[Suzetig]

I think it's pretty normal to feel "halted" when new memories come to light. Like a period of stopping to adjust to the new information, to get a sense of what it means and to find a place for it. I'm pretty far along in my healing but there are still things that can literally stop me in my tracks for a while.

The process @Cashew explains is a good one for logically working through what has changed for you with the new memories. It's ok that you maybe not feel so resilient, that'll return in time but just now try not to expect too much of yourself. I tend to take some time out, journal how I'm feeling and what I think that relates to and will keep going back to it. I have a good therapist and trusted friends that I can talk this stuff out with too and I'll do that to get clarity about my process. I'm trying to deal with something that I know will be triggering for me and just thinking about it is halting me at the moment. But I know it'll pass and when I'm ready, I'll be able to face exposing myself to it. In the meantime, it's all about being kind to myself.