Sexual Assault Just Found Out My Daughter Was Molested

[Deleted member 12723]

Alby I agree that taking it into a group private conversation is an excellent idea. I am also done with this thread.

 

[RussH]

@Heather I am just throwing this out as an idea. I read a response you wrote in another thread where you talked about your own sexual abuse. Is it possible that everything your daughter is going through is also dredging up all the hurt and trauma from your past abuse?
If so, then perhaps that is compounding the emotions of today, making dealing with today's issues that much harder for you?

 

[mary1979]

Talking about how this all made you feel heather can be quite valuable for your little one if done constructively imo.
I dont think seeing your distress and not knowing why would be very good for her at all, she will blame herself.
Have you told her you were a victim also?
I know I was much older (14) but I never opened up until my aunt confided it had happened to her as well, it made me feel safe and less ashamed.

I also acted out and rebelled once my trauma had been exposed, for multiple reasons, none of which I've properly analysed except that it was likely screaming for attention.
I'd take good and bad attention, still do as an adult lol

This is a sensitive topic for people who have suffered trauma in child hood because we all have our own views on how we should have been supported in our own situation that may have avoided our current pain.
No 2 survivors will feel exactly the same about it because we all handle the trauma differently.

Its also really bloody hard to accept constructive criticism when it comes to our babies, its a mothers instinct to roar like a lion when we feel challenged over our littlies.

Take care honey xxx

 

[Irina]

Get advice from a therapist not here. Get support here.

And don't make your daughter feel like a freak. Let HER choose what she wants and is comfortable with. I'm guessing she really wishes you didn't know at this point.

When I told my mom, she said 'here I am, being the victim again. ' she felt sorry for herself.

I dunno. .. just be careful that you don't take away her ability to be normal. She'll be avoidant and ashamed her whole life if she's treated like she's fragile, damaged, etc.

Again, get advice from a child therapist not mom's. I'm sure they will find it extremely important to give your daughter control and autonomy in this matter, as a huge symptomis having autonomy over your body taken away.

 

[UnKnown-Self]

I wasn't going to post on this thread again because it is very triggering for me but here I am.

@Heather, forgive me if I'm wrong but I am under the impression you were already a member here before you became aware of what your little girl sadly experienced.
Are you a PTSD sufferer? Were you sexually abused?
They are intrusive questions and I apologize. I am not assuming, just wondering.
I would like to suggest that you and your daughter get therapy.
Venting and support are great but healthy coping and professional guidance are essential to getting through.

 

[UnKnown-Self]

@RussH

I did not see your post before I responded or I probably wouldn't have. But I try not to delete my posts, so I'll leave it as it is. Other than that, I'm over and out, this ice is way too thin for me to be skating on.