Sexual Assault Just Found Out My Daughter Was Molested

[Heather]

Talked to the svu detective today. He called me after I left him that raving, ranting, lunatic of a message. He said I didn't sound like a lunatic, just very upset. Which he understood.

He told me that Selena is going to go for a medical. And I asked him what that meant. He told me it was them talking to her, trying to open up a dialogue to see if she admits anything happened to her. They'll cover things like: does she know difference between good and bad touch etc.

He still hasn't talked to Selena or Tina. Said hopefully that will happen end of this week.

He told me, he understands that my emotions are running high and I'm very upset over this but if I can keep myself calm (like NOT flipping her off) will only help our case in the end. I agreed. I need to pull it together and behave.

Because he said when he talks to them, there's gonna be their side of the story and I re-told him that I'm 100% sure that when he does speak with them. It's all gonna be about me and Nicole and none of it's gonna be good.

He also said that it was up to D.A. on whether or not charges will be pressed. He hadn't gotten the report from the officer over the weekend about Ava but would look into it. They're just gonna say it was experimentation between the girls.... I just know it.

If this was an adult who did this to Nicole and Brianna, they'd be in jail. But because it's a kid..... totally different story. VERY FRUSTRATING.

 

[ghotiff]

She hasn't told her therapist or the lady during the forensic. Which is what I pretty much suspected.

I think it's important you tell this to someone on the case, as long as you trust this person not to push your daughter for the information. Your daughter should only tell when she's ready, if she is ever ready.

 

[Heather]

@ghotiff I explained that to the svu detective and he said that was ok. A lot of times kids don't tell all that has happened and if more comes out later.....The case will then be reopened.

 

[Heather]

I think the worst part about this....is that it's taking so long. And no one knows (yet) what will happen. Very frustrating.

Nicole's emotions are all over the place and it's making me nuts... She's moody, angry, tearful, obnoxious, obstinate. Sometimes I wish I could send her to live with my mother for a few days because I just don't know how to deal with her.

 

[Heather]

Nicole had a huge meltdown tonight. I had a huge meltdown tonight. She says I yell at her too much and it makes her want to get back at me...So, she back-talks or calls me names.

She says that she doesn't want to play with Brianna anymore because of 2 things: it reminds her about what happened and sometimes Brianna stares at her (breasts) and it makes her uncomfortable. That is what Selena would do.

I can't handle this anymore. She is having trouble at her new school and says she doesn't like it that much. I think the change on her has been difficult. She's miserable but it's NOT all related to Selena, some is. The other stuff is teenage related.....

She said I don't believe her about the yahoo pictures and that hurts her deeply. I said, "I didn't know what to think when I was shown those pictures from yahoo with your name in the upper right hand corner. But the more I think about it, doesn't make sense to me. She would never put her first and last name. Whenever she's on social media she always uses something like, "chloe Bear or Sophie 9901. It's just not something she would do (putting her first and last name). I also explained that I did believe her because I spent 45 minutes on the phone with yahoo trying to find an account in her name, there wasn't one.

I think Tina made up an account, using her name to make her look bad. That is what I told Nicole.

Nicole is suffering. She is miserable and depressed. I am worried for her emotional well-being. She is so fragile.

I told her for my own sanity that I can no longer bring her over to that neighborhood. Her friends are more than welcome to come her. I just can't do it anymore or I am going to end up in the hospital. My stress level is just to high.

I don't know if I'll ever be able to take myself off the hook for not protecting her, not knowing what was going on. Thinking that she was safe, when she wasn't. I feel ultimately betrayed by Tina because I trusted her and now I don't know who to trust. And if my child will ever be safe, in the care of someone other than myself.

 

[ms spock]

I said this in the distorted cognitions thread but I think it is important to put it here as well.

You have been a solid parent and very brave throughout all of this @Heather. Keep the faith. Hold the course. You are doing really well. It just doesn't feel good in these situations, which is confusing. It is most confusing.

 

[JuicePod887]

OMG ,that is the worst dear I have on a daily basis.Your a better person than me there was a situation like this once and the aftermath was me on paper for 3 yrs. Your strong and so is the baby. You did good at initial handling of this situation. f*ck a chomo, predator, dirt bag is also a well slotted term. Why was a 12 yr old actively thinking these things up. I mean this bitch had 2 have had her head f*cked up by some means. She is a victim probably herself. I wish I had the means to take all rapos and turn them into the victims. Oh wait that's why we have prison, What did her parents do or say..... did they get that baby to a therapist to sort this out. Anyone willing to take a child's innocence deserves the royal f*cking treatment.

 

[JuicePod887]

"What do I do"

stomp her dad's guts out .... that's a start.

Watch her mom cry as she gives out lap dances....

If my little girl was victimized i would leave nothing standing on my path when I was done. I would f*cking burn their house down. Not one adult in that family would be safe......

 

[Heather]

You get my anger and I appreciate that. You feel my anger and I appreciate that even more.

Believe me the thought of keying their car has crossed my mind several times. I also saw her walking down the sidewalk (the mother) and wanted to run her down.

But I realize the best thing to do is stay away from the old neighborhood and let the police do their job.

I'm not against an 11 y/o having to register as a sex offender.....

 

[Heather]

We're supposed to go to a birthday party today. Nicole doesn't want me to stay. I'm not comfortable with leaving her there by herself. I don't trust anyone. I've known these people for almost 10 years BUT I won't know everyone that's there.

Yet, I don't feel like sitting there for 2 hours, with nothing to do. Don't want to talk to anyone either, (not in the mood).

Also, what's making it even more undesirable is that I was friends with a woman and our daughters went to pre-school together. We had a falling out. (another story) but I've tried to apologize because behavior was less than stellar. I got my feelings hurt and acted badly.

Anyway, she won't give me the time of day and I'm pretty sure they're going to be there. More anxiety...awkward situation. I just don't want to deal with it.

The bigger issue is that my trust in people has been rocked to the core. I don't know who to trust and I've learned through this, that the people you think you know, you don't. The people you think you can trust, you can't.

And do you ever truly know anyone? NO.

 

[Deleted member 12723]

@Heather I was where you are now and my heart goes out to you in understanding about not knowing anyone anymore and not being able to trust the ones you thought you know before you saw them with new perceptions.

It is a learning process and your lives have been changed so radically and you basically have to start over on learning and finding your own way in this new labarytnth. My therapist told me that it was dealing with the aftermath and it is a particularly hard time to go through. Both of you and your daughters lives are changed forever and it is complicated because your daughter is approaching puberty and the teenage years. It is very overwhelming but you are strong and very smart and a fighter which is good for the future of you and your daughter.

Anyway it was this way for me and my family and it took a long time for me to rebuild a life that was healthier. It is a pretty scary thing when you become aware of this and how often it happens and all of the unhealthy people locked into their own dysfunction and denial.

You can do this and you can do this very well.

I have no advice for you. It sure changed all of us in my family and I was not so naive anymore. But I learned that I could not protect my children twenty four seven every day and that was I think one of the hardest things to do for me.

Listen to your gut instincts and follow them and they will not lie to you in the choice about the party. I wish you the very best in this choice.

 

[anonymous]

I watched a long documentary on a facility dealing with child sex offenders and was shocked to discover that a good percentage of them had never been sexually assaulted. I had always assumed all children were acting out what was done to them. Most of them had been exposed to some dysfunction but it wasnt necessarily sexual. Some had happened upon behaviour because of watching porn. They didn't fully understand the consequences or how wrong it was but knew it was wrong. Many were expressing rage or control when they didnt feel in control of their lives in some way. There were also budding personality disorder issues etc. The place was doing an excellent job of attempted to rehabilitate as much or as many as possible. They were very strictly under lock and key with therapy and behaviour guidelines.

Its insane if the authorities dont deal with this situation and make sure she is dealt with. Whatever the reasons for her behaviour it is something that needs to be dealt with. I can totally understanding your rage and I hear it!!! Your rage is normal.

Dont blame yourself. Unless you are told there is no way you would know. You arent clairvoyant. And blaming yourself just means you will be less able to be there for your daughter. This incident isnt about you or your parenting. This is just one of those things that can happen and it happened to your daughter. And you believed her and that is invaluable. Some cant cope and therefore selfishly deny. You had the courage to stand by her. Stop blaming yourself. Its NOT YOUR FAULT. Take care.