Sexual Assault Just Found Out My Daughter Was Molested

[scout86]

Well, the intent was to suggest that you telling your daughter that this is hard for you MIGHT be taken, by her, as meaning that she wasn't doing a good enough job of protecting you. But, I also said that it might not be helpful and I guess I was right about that. I'll butt out.

 

[The Albatross]

Heather honey, that's all anybody can do... and it's a crap shoot. Who knows this better than PTSD's?

 

[The Albatross]

At my best in my 40's I realized even my screwed up parents did the best they could. I think no one ever gets to adulthood without some or another issue. Thankfully now there is more information, much less taboo to discuss these sorts of things in society, and there is an avenue between schools, psych professionals and yeah even youth activity coordinators to deal with this stuff. It isn't like when we were kids. And amen to that, eh?

 

[Heather]

I am doing the best I can under the most difficult circumstances. There is nothing more painful as parent, knowing that your child was abused and you couldn't/didn't stop it.

I come on here to vent and get it out. To speak about my pain and anguish.....there's so much of it:cry::cry:.

Lately, all I feel is attacked and defensive. And I don't think that's fair.

And in response I've gotten people claiming that I'm looking for praise instead of helping my daughter.
Sharing my feelings with her....will only make her more screwed up (paraphrasing).

It makes me not want to post anything else. I shouldn't have to defend myself. I'm screaming for support, that's what I need. Not admonishment.

And maybe that's not what is the intended message but that's how I feel.

 

[Deleted member 12723]

I agree with Heather and support her right to speak freely as this is her thread and she is the OP. I think everyone needs to rethink exactly what she needs now.

 

[Suzetig]

I don't see anyone not allowing @Heather to speak freely, but I'm not sure her right to speak freely means I and others on this thread and indeed the rest of the forum shouldn't exercise the same right.

She may have started this thread and has clearly said she uses it to vent however it's not her private space, it's a discussion space where others can and have responded at different times. Some see things her way and some don't - as with anything in this site, she can take what helps and leave the rest but to suggest that only posts which are in agreement are supportive or that she should be allowed to post unchallenged is ridiculous.

Sometime I've posted here because I thought I had something to say that might be useful/meet @heathers need. Sometimes I've posted to meet my own need not to let something go unchallenged. Both are a valid use of an open thread on a public discussion board.

 

[Riot]

@Anarchy, either way, I found the videos to be interesting and the information useful, so thanks. :)

 

[scout86]

And you telling me this helps me how?

I wasn't going to say anymore on this, but I realized, what I was REALLY trying to do is help your daughter, because it's her situation I can relate to. I thought that maybe, just maybe, I had an insight you hadn't thought of and might find useful in dealing with her. But I certainly wasn't trying to force an idea on you that you didn't want. So, no, I guess that doesn't help you at all.

I think everyone needs to rethink exactly what she needs now.

Kind of a philosophical question, I guess. "Is it helpful to have people not tell you you might be missing something when it bothers you to hear you might be missing something?" This is where I misunderstood the purpose of this thread. Because of where it's located, I thought the OP was looking for "help" in the forms of external insights. Usually, I'd think of "Not Looking for Alternate Views" as being a diary kind of thing. And I think of "not speaking up when you have a concern that something might have been missed" as being anything but helpful. You know, like "Why didn't you TELL me not to take a step backwards off the edge of the curb?" We all have our own ways of looking at things. Makes for a more interesting world. NOW, I'll shut up and stay out of where I'm not wanted. Sorry for the intrusion.

 

[The Albatross]

"... it's a discussion space where others can and have responded at different times. Some see things her way and some don't - as with anything in this site, she can take what helps and leave the rest but to suggest that only posts which are in agreement are supportive or that she should be allowed to post unchallenged is ridiculous."

Actually this thread went 10 pages... which is nothing short of amazing on a broad spectrum mental health forum. The nays may have it... but.... Well Heather, if it comes down to that... then you can take it to a group or small group p.m OR put it in a diary.

Actually it's almost a split board so far as posters so that's something as well. Just don't clam up and give it a voice.

 

[The Albatross]

Knowing when to be assistive and when to shut up is an art form after all and even one I haven't particularly learned. *extending my wrist for a sound slapping... or here you can have a cheek*

Hey Heather... bring it into a p.c. small group of peeps of your choosing or a diary format and take this out of discussion. Best thing, honest.

 

[The Albatross]

Personally I think it's this part that I have a big f'ing problem with and am now myself bowing out "...she can take what helps and leave the rest but to suggest that only posts which are in agreement are supportive or that she should be allowed to post unchallenged is ridiculous."

Really? Her daughter was molested. Heather's a winner in my book cuz I would have assaulted somebody. Take a hard look at the forum and there's much enabling and very little challenging. Sometimes I'm frankly mystified by what takes off around here and what is enabled. I'm off the thread and screw this.

Though I know back in the old days, a thread like this would only go about three pages and this one went about 10... discussion forum or not, this is a mother hurting after finding her child has been molested. Shame on you.

 

[The Albatross]

Maybe I should report myself for a thread ban...No kidding I'm that ramped up.