I am here of course because I'm a PTSD'er with roots in violence and hostile environment. I also have ASD with schizophrenic aspects and this only further complicates things in my life despite my full awareness and experience being as old as I am (29 now).I definitely have some chicken and the egg, what came first confusion regarding a lot of my issues. I have been this way much of my life and have made much progress with myself though my issues still remain strong today with no way to entirely deal with it all besides my addiction and getting away from everything for while (luckily I am near some nature which is essentially my disconnecting space I can go to almost every day). Sometimes I don't know how I remain as independent as I am as some sort of weird plus. As the name implies if you haven't got the hint yet I am a "big mess". Nice to meet everyone, I hope I'll get something out of being here!