"just Get Over It And Move On".... Funhouse

[maryiscontrary]

I have an advanced degree in physiology, and I have studied a lot about the somewhat reversible damage to the memory centers that occur after prolonged exposure to elevated stress hormones.

The awful flashbacks, nightmares, and dissociation is about as controllable as paralysis or speech loss is to a stroke victim. It takes a huge, huge amount of rehabilitation to become functional again. There is no bullshitting with that.

So when a person tell someone like that to get over it, I believe this is evil, in a sense. Ultimate in empathy failure. Seriously, I am a peaceful person, bit that level of degradation by profoundly ignorant dipshits almost moves me to violence.

 

[ms spock]

So when a person tell someone like that to get over it, I believe this is evil, in a sense. Ultimate in empathy failure.

It does take a huge amount of rehabilitation to become functional again. That is for sure.

I don't think people are evil for not understanding. They just might not have the education and awareness that is needed for understanding PTSD. (Unless of course they are the cause of the PTSD and they are denying their part in it whilst they were fully aware of what they were doing, in that case it ticks the evil box.)

 

[maryiscontrary]

Ms Spock, thanks so much for your insight. Empathy failures get very, very limited treadlife with me, as my family is full of narcisisst/ sociopath sorts who indeed are perpetrators, and the codependent sheep that enable that garbage. So when somebody makes a "get over it"type of statement, I attempt 2 times max using non violent communication techniques to try to get myself heard. If that does not work, the best we can deduce is that the offending person has empathy processing issues, and a boundary needs to be formed ASAP.

With my family member who slipped up and said this, I tried this technique, and everything was cleared up pronto. I was valuable to her enough for her to process an alternate perspective, when clearly articulated.

Thanks, what a great thread.

 

[Bluerose]

I have been known to encourage people to ‘rise above it’. I’m now hoping that that isn’t taking to mean that I’m saying ‘get over it’. Truly I don’t believe that it is possible to ‘get over it and move on’.

We can move forward but ‘it‘ goes where we go. Where as rising above it means where ever you go it goes but you are taking control of it and not allowing it to take control of you.

Just working to make myself a bit clearer.

 

[maryiscontrary]

Here's the thing...I am extremely strict and disciplined with my habits and lifestyle. Seriously, I take better care of myself than almost everybody I know, because I might as well eat a bullet otherwise. So when what I see as a lazy slob (sorry, calling like I see it) tells me to get over it, I want to flash a 900 ft mirror in their face (yeah, take the plank out of your own eye, buddy), and tell them to go f themselves. Sorry so strong, but it's like a 700 lb guy giving me diet advice. Or a guy with 100,000 in maxed out credit cards giving financial advice.

Like a lot of people here, I have to have austerity like a buddhist monk and say no to most things others take for granted. I have to be extremely meticulous, or else I will relapse and become non functional. And non functional is not a life worth living.

 

[Alic3]

That's weird... normally an empath would never tell someone to "get over it", because they themselves are told that all the time, because they reallllly overanalyze and overthink things, and things are much more hurtful to them than others. I would think she would know what you're feeling.

 

[maryiscontrary]

Well, my brother, with his smear campaign, really tried doing a number on her with the gaslighting. But the issue was resolved immediately when I non violently asserted my view. See, this to me is the difference between relationships you keep, and ones you have to draw a boundary around ASAP.

If you non violently assert your viewpoint, and the other person tries to belittle, deny, or tell you your feelings are invalid, then there needs to be a huge boundary ASAP. Usually the people who do this are real pieces of work themselves, like PDs, addicts, etc., so really, it's best to let them go or to create safe distance anyway.