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Just go to the Airport and leave...

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Rani G2

MyPTSD Pro
I don’t know why I choose to write this title..

Because I feel the deep need, to take a bag, put some clothes in and leave..
This is a fantasy I always had because the Exit door could also mean just leaving into ....... somewhere. No logic works here, this is an extract from reality to fall into oblivion.
The inner has become stingy, raw and painful. This is temporary and I know I will get back a linear mindset soon.

As a child I lived with a person who travelled a lot, his attitude was / if living doesn’t work here, let’s just leave/ Yes, I know of internalization (Again, explainations are known) Asia, US, Europe.... we were on the run.

In my fantasy, I just stay in that lonely Island...

I‘m tired of this.. tired of living
 
I was so there not so long ago / one of places that's so familiar I could well call it in the winds home!home...

Thing is, and then what?
Because issues don't disappear / just get postponed or left behind, but that doesn't resolve them.

And in case it's you / the everything aching but most of it your own wounds? Leaving just gives you a temporary respite, but might not. Might burst everything open in a shiny new location.

So comfort and planned shelters, instead, maybe? Don't figure this one on go. Not because you wouldn't be smart enough, because you are. But because splitting attention to real and pressing / on the run life, and already staring into your face ghosts of the pasts gets tiring as f*ck.

More exhausting than resting on it, somewhere good. Vacation over complicated runs.

And the other counter I got to this, when not absolutely needed go? Is this is MY home. MY life. Annoying bitches got to move. This is where I belong... they don't. So they move.

And if I can't move them, that a challenge... figure who and what will.

Which means I'm no longer the same stuck place ;) I'm sailing away from that f*cker. Even if it needs time, to finalize.
 
Thing is, and then what?
Because issues don't disappe

Oh man @Ronin, you‘ve been there and you know.. No they don’t, but it seems so damn tempting to have that idea in my closet. It lasts for 3 hrs and then I land on reality base. So, just a little trick to console myself (It’s emergency) And here I have some packs of sweets and choclate, tissues and T.V.


Not because you wouldn't be smart enough, because you are.

I‘d love to believe this, right now, my Brain capacity is minimal, logic flew out of the window, but It will return!

MY life. Annoying bitches got to move. This is where I belong... they don't. So they move.

Yeah! Fresh stuff to always think about.,

Thanks! A cup of coffee for you☕

I loved to do that too. Leave, I mean

Yes @DharmaGirl ! What’s your place? I know you have your farm right?

When dreadful symptoms of existential Angst come creeping, I need that availability of escape, Dreams of lonely islands (With the butler ofcourse, because I dislike hard work) Or space, or just transhumanism stuff with this whole Matrix thing..

Ah Whatever, anything to somehow get me through.. this, this reality.. and all that comes with it.
 
That restlessness. It’s something I understand often. I have a wonderful spouse, beautiful children, and I feel so guilty when I want to do just this- run. Change where I am, who I am, find something that HAS to be better than where I am right now.

The problem is, we take that sh!t that hurts inside of us along. It feels better for a while, but then it catches up. I am working on taking small trips, alone. Away from the familiar, to feed that need to run, but with the knowledge that I will return, and maybe with the strength and perspective to keep working on making peace with those painful wounds.

I hope you find peace, and rest.
 
This is one of the benefits of ptsd for me. 5 years ago I packed my car with my pets and hit the road.
Yesterday was the last truck load, which for the first time since, gathered my belongings at a home base.
I am as agitated as hopeful, once again seeking roots that remain just outside my familiar comfort.
 
I was just thinking about this, just leave. Forget everyone, everything. Just escape. Sometimes its all too much. I just want to go away and never come back. I just cant take it. Today is just one of those days. Somewhere with lots of water and lots of quiet. Far far away.
 
I did that week after week month after month not by plane rather i would hop in the car and drive. Before i realized it i would be hundreds of miles away "alone" just to turn around and come back. Running to escape something that i found out latter you can't run from it becomes part of you.
 
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