Just go to the Airport and leave...

[DharmaGirl]

Yes @DharmaGirl ! What’s your place? I know you have your farm right?

I don't leave anymore. This is where I would leave to, if I weren't here. I don't want to leave at all anymore since I don't feel safe out there. Weird huh?

 

[Rose White]

Lucy irvine
A lil excitement to get through

I literally traveled to the Solomons for a month 20 years ago and even stayed beyond my departure date by four weeks, tried to get pulled in to another life. Ended up in a codependent relationship, blowing all my money and borrowing more. Then I had to run away from that! Cannot run away from myself. Important to remember.

I still succumb to running away fantasies. And I suppose isolation and numbing are related behaviors.

Thanks for the thread. Sorry you are facing this struggle too. You are not alone. Reading this thread helped me not feel so ashamed and hopeful that I can act to help myself.

 

[Upside Down Eagle]

I actually think it would be a good idea.

Why? Yeah, you do take that shit with you.
But you get a change of scenery and wonderful things along, too.

In all honesty, I find the perspective of "yes but it would be the same" a bit too gloomy.
No, it wouldn´t be the same - you don´t know that! Leave some possibility in your life and don´t start filling in the future before it happens.

Gwaihir

 

[Ronin]

@Gwaihir I think that depends what you're running from, to, and why.

My advice wasn't generic.
It was minding Rani was raised in a conflict, is an immigrant within a vastly different culture she is trying to make her home daily the damnedest, and works in the medical field, a high stress job. ((Mighta gotten a few of those wrong. Point standing, being
... ))

Tossing a person on that kinda life crossroad Fiiine, Just Run! advice is not the wisest idea, for someone raised in a single culture ungraspable.

It does different things with your head, depending on your background. Not every run is equal.

Much like I'm not gonna tell an amputee to go run marathons... I'm not gonna tell someone who built an awesome life that just *feels* shitty bc stress & health & sociocultural issues & isolation, to toss that away.

And, what @Self-Determined said.
You can blow your life up.
Unless your whole lifestyle is stable set up that way? It isn't tenable long term.
If your whole lifestyle *is* set up that way? Still might be times, situations, and mindsets it's exceptionally bad idea.

 

[Upside Down Eagle]

@Ronin it wasn´t a reaction to your advice directly - and I am biased, because I am just writing as one person and from my own experience.

I tend to write generalized advice, as I am not on the forum that much and don´t interact with all the members enough to know somebodies backstory, like you do. I think my advice should be taken as the "advice of an outsider", from which inspiration can be taken but is by no means "accurate".

I feel it´s up to people on their own to decide whether advice given feels right or wrong. In this case, it´s very possible that my advice is wrong :)

 

[Mach123]

I've run but now I hear that old Joe Walsh tune "I used to hurry a lot, I used to worry a lot"

Wherever you go you're bringing the problem with you.

When I was in my 20s I'd put myself in a position of starvation and no place to live and you just got work. Anything. I always made it somehow. Slowing down meant feeling the pain, and if I ever had money, the drugs and alcohol would take over.

That was 40 years ago. Now we go on road trips and stay in hotels. I like it this way much better. I don't let anyone get to know me if I can help it so I won't have anyone to run away from.

We just moved to a new neighborhood same town about a year and a half ago. We say hi to the neighbors. That's it. I'm too tired for all that running now lol.

But if I hit the lottery I'm oughta here! Lol

 

[Tinyflame]

I think there's big difference between running away, and running to.

 

[Rani G2]

Thanks Pamcoco, Freida, Dharmagirl, self-Determined, Gwaihir, Ronin, Mach123

thanks for all your input.. spent energy on defensive mechanisms, function and all the struggles people deal with, so my focus wasn’t there... my thanks comes late! Thank you!

Yesterday came another trigger shooting, inner f* up part asking for isolation, one, two or three years. Emergency buttons pressed, and wanting to run or fly away. Trauma flatland doesn’t come up with different avenues, it takes time.
Had an argument with a patient, I told her she is unfriendly, she should learn to communicate better, in my wanting to be in the alpha universe, I travel like a little Chucky doll with weapons and fall right back into beta universe. I‘ve been told that I am not the most polite, I don’t smile (Because could be weakness) Ofcourse friends are nowhere to be seen.
Dear whoever: Give me the tools once again ...

 

[Ronin]

Funny you mention smiles... As a weakness, even.

Because smiles can so much be a way to deceive, unnerve, laugh at, mock, unbalance or top others, not tell a thing / cage a storm of weakness within instead of showing it's even there...

And other things, less about power over others and projecting self control, and more about reminding self of good things / worth to get through the shit and drama and mud and gutter, keeping to own humanity instead of being grinded down and pushed, finding lifelines to keep going, letting the all too humane *go* in that smile and not be hassled by it, support to others even in bad mess & heads up (I will be semi breathing when you get back now can you *please* f*cking go and get the f*ckers already??? smile)...

And other things.
I just triggered myself to work so more words maybe later.

Smiles are what you make them be, my point.

 

[Rani G2]

Yeah think that smile varieties/motivations exist, to induce something. The Anthony perkins smile is somewhere, depending on the mask I have to wear

gutter, keeping to own humanity instead of being grinded down and pushed

Oh my Ronin, good to remember always. No need to tell you, when one is positioned on that Power/submission stance the tunnel vision hits me hardcore. //Get harder/ Get smarter/ Get this and Be that.. Again tryings to go beyond, tryings to Do this Deep work (Urghh What a idealized word, deep work? ) Trying to avoid blown up/over the top definitions but that’s still the word that comes into my head!

Weaker/whinny me says, hide and wait, wait and hide, play hide n seek. Some of my wires are burnt away, I feel like a blow fish which lost its ability to blow up. So, take a hard, true look at your Doings?! Truth is, only the the fragility is visible, one push and I‘m thrown back to black matter.

Cannot do this she says, what’s tomorrow? Waking up again, in this reality and timeline.
Do I sound pathetic? Maybe.. does listening to 80‘s soul music, crying and eating choclate cookies makes the drama perfect? Yes..

Your idea of bringing back home, is a thing to think about..

Dankeschön

 

[galaxies-far-away]

i know exactly how you feel. i want to go somewhere far away i just want the pain to end. i want the numbness to stop.

 

[Freida]

Just got back from the airport. A good reminder that where ever I go, there I am. Running away doesn't help.