Sufferer Just looking for people who can relate - CPTSD CSA - Feel like I’m not a person

[vega215]

Hi, I’m Chase. I’m 24 and female and I have C-PSTD with dissociation.

I was abused and witnessed a lot of abuse in my childhood. I have also been sexually abused and dealt with multiple other sexual assaults. And then 3 years ago, my dad died of a drug overdose/possible suicide.

I am on antidepressants and I’ve been in therapy for about a year now and I know it’s helping. But the more I feel like I’ve mentally processed the trauma, the more frustrating the continued anxiety symptoms and dissociation are.

I almost always feel like I’m not a person. Sometimes I forget where I am. Sometimes I can’t get out of this mental fog. Sometimes I feel like the real me is asleep and a separate part of me is steering the ship. Sometimes it’s so bad that I can’t even speak because it’s like part my brain is trying to shut out my thoughts and I can’t think. When it gets bad I’m so out of it that it feels like I’ve been drugged. To my family and friends I kinda just sound crazy when I talk about it.

I just want to be able to have a normal career and normal relationships. I can’t even remember what feeling safe is like.

Anyway, I’m glad I found this forum. Thanks for the support.

 

[LuckiLee]

Welcome to the forums. Glad you found us too.

 

[ladee]

Welcome! Glad you found us too. A good place to find out what you are feeling is normal for the beginning of this journey. Yes, you are not crazy or inept at stringing words together. We just get 'flooded' at the beginning and believe it or not, it does slow down and start to make sense.

Share what you need to, lots of people here who understand. Welcome.

 

[unbrokenn]

Hi, I’m Chase. I’m 24 and female and I have C-PSTD with dissociation.

I was abused and witnessed a lot of abuse in my childhood. I have also been sexually abused and dealt with multiple other sexual assaults. And then 3 years ago, my dad died of a drug overdose/possible suicide.

I am on antidepressants and I’ve been in therapy for about a year now and I know it’s helping. But the more I feel like I’ve mentally processed the trauma, the more frustrating the continued anxiety symptoms and dissociation are.

I almost always feel like I’m not a person. Sometimes I forget where I am. Sometimes I can’t get out of this mental fog. Sometimes I feel like the real me is asleep and a separate part of me is steering the ship. Sometimes it’s so bad that I can’t even speak because it’s like part my brain is trying to shut out my thoughts and I can’t think. When it gets bad I’m so out of it that it feels like I’ve been drugged. To my family and friends I kinda just sound crazy when I talk about it.

I just want to be able to have a normal career and normal relationships. I can’t even remember what feeling safe is like.

Anyway, I’m glad I found this forum. Thanks for the support.

Hey! I also have CPTSD from CSA and abuse for 15 years. I dissociate a lot and honestly I still have attachment issues and can’t be sexual or have relationships so I can kind of relate, although my story is not yours and I cannot feel what you feel or how you feel. I don’t know how you feel but believe me I am here for you.