Killed Going Through A Door

[Bill Dickerson]

We had an Office killed today and the situation was very much how my friend died. I felt helpless again. The sea of lights and the continuous sirens upset me.

I had to turn off the TV. It brought back several memories and feeling I keep deep inside.

I haven't visited my friend in a long time. Maybe I should go by and talk to him. Maybe take some new flowers...

Think it would help?

 

[Bilby]

I haven't visited my friend in a long time. Maybe I should go by and talk to him. Maybe take some new flowers... Think it would help?

This often helps me a lot. I'm yet to fully understand why, but it brings me some kind of perspective. Different visits bring me different things - sometimes it makes me sad (yet after the sadness passes, I feel a bit better), other times it makes me feel closer to them again, and other times it makes me feel as though they are so very far away. But overall, the perspective it brings, to acknowledge their life - that they were here and meant a lot to me - seems to be a positive thing.

B x

 

[Hashi]

Yes, I think things like that can help a lot, although I know it might be difficult to do them as well as helpful. I'm glad you can still talk to your friend.

I'm sorry for what's happened and how it's making you feel.

 

[NarcSis]

Your friend would know that it's what you need to do to feel better. He's always close to your heart and PTSD can never take that away from you, don't let it contaminate how you feel inside, you miss him, you feel the heartbreak and you need to express this. Take him some flowers, sit a while, do what you need to do.
God bless.

 

[Deleted member 12723]

How did it go?

 

[Sailorgal]

Sorry to hear this Bill.

Sounds like you feel the need to acknowledge him again, remind yourself that you still remember him and honor his life. Whatever it is you need to do, do. :)

 

[Britt.f7]

Bill, I have a good friend and his sister(as well as another friend) that all died together when I was a child. I was never allowed to go to the funeral. I had to do a lot of research to find out where they were buried because I needed some sort of closure, connection. I did and then I had a picture taken of their gravesite(I live too far away). Seeing it helped me. Even though I couldn't be right there and even though it was over 38 years later.

I even bought a blanket simply because the manufacture name was the same as my friends last name. I feel safe with it.

So, perhaps what I've done is considered odd by someone. What does it matter? It brought and continues to bring me comfort. Especially being able to see their stone on line since I can't visit it.

I hope you went or that you are going to go. There is absolutely no right or wrong here. All that matters is what is right for you and what you need to do. I'm sure you know, in your heart, what that is.

 

[Bill Dickerson]

I still plan on going and talking to my friend but I injured my back. (PTSD takes a huge toll on the body in the last three months pneumonia, then bronchitis, now back problems)

I think many people don't realize the funeral isn't for the body it's for the people left behind. It's important.

I considered going to the Officer's funeral that was killed last week. I didn't know her but maybe it would have helped me. What do Y'all think about going?

 

[Deleted member 12723]

If your heart tells you to go then by all means go. If not then do not go. It just depends on what you can handle.

 

[maddog]

Hi Bill.

I am a civilian working in our local police force and a colleague and very close friend was killed on duty, under very traumatic circumstances, in 2006. Ever since then, I am deeply affected by any police injury or death, partly due to the loss of my friend, and partly because the bonds which bind the police family together are strong as you well know, often extending far beyond whether or not the officer involved is known to you personally.

Whether or not to go to her funeral is a very individual and personal decision and one which must be based on instinct and your belief as to where comfort and kinship can be found for you right now. If you believe that being among the unity and camaraderie of other police at this time is what will bring you comfort and personal security, then it sounds like a very reasonable and respectful thing to do.

My heart goes out to you during this really tough time. Whatever you do, your loyalty in honouring your friend lives on as a legacy he would be proud of.

Maddog

 

[Britt.f7]

I think many people don't realize the funeral isn't for the body it's for the people left behind. It's important.

It was very important to my mom that we had a funeral, or gathering, after her death. She was upset that they had not had one for her sister who had died two months before her. We had one rather quickly after my mom died, it just worked out that way. I had no choice but to be there. Well, I guess I had a choice, but I had other people to think of other then myself. I'm glad I was there, there was great support. So, I guess, the funeral was not just for us but to honor her request. We had an Americanized Irish wake. We celebrated her life. We had it at my sister's farm. We did not have her body. She would not have wanted that, that's why we chose an alternative way.

Later my cousin and her family also threw a memorial for her mom very similar to what we did.

When her best friend, my "aunt", died about 6 months later they had a traditional funeral. I could not bring myself to be there. I really didn't want to run into people I didn't care for and I didn't want to see my aunt dead. I celebrated her life in my home with a prayer and telling my children stories of her at the same time I knew her memorial was going on.

I walk many cemeteries to get pictures for family that could not be there, or of ancestors. It makes me sad to realize that families stop visiting after awhile.

I guess the point of all of this is that you have to do what is right for you. If you can't be there, at the grave, or at the service, I encourage you to do some sort of your own type of respect. Light a candle, say a prayer(if you believe in that), talk to your friend. No one can say with certainty if the one's that have gone before us can hear us.

I'm sorry this is so long just to get that point across. Just got me thinking of a lot of things.

 

[discarded]

I like to go visit my brother's grave site and just sit and talk to him. I gain comfort from him, he would not have judged me in life and I feel that in death he would not either. I prefer to go to his grave rather than to the garden at the crematorium where my sister's, mum's and dad's ashes are, purely because there are always too many people there. If it helps then do it.