Kittie's Journal

RussellSue

Not Active
I never, ever want to be disturbing! Maybe I'm too open.
We all have a problem with anxiety, here. You being open might trigger someone else's anxiety. That does happen. But it isn't something that you did that was wrong. It's just the nature of the situation of a bunch of people with anxiety/trauma disorders hanging out together.

I like you, @Kittie . I think you are amazing. I think that what you have to say is very valuable even if it does make people uncomfortable from time to time.
 

Kittie

Confident
I was out in the middle of nowhere isolating, too. I came in here, got a little acquainted, and then left for at a year because I got upset about something. That happens.
I feel I may have overstepped or butted in on an already established community of people. I felt too comfortable because I related to what many said about themselves and to each other. I didn't feel too shy to jump in. I should have been more reserved.
But just because people don't understand what you are doing or why doesn't make it wrong and you are obviously a strong and capable independent woman who can make her own decisions. Nevertheless, people who care about you might also worry about you. That's part of the deal. Sometimes that concern can get hard to handle or comes out in overwhelming ways.
I should focus on others more than myself. My real joy is in making someone else feel better, then I feel I've served a purpose.
But you have no reason to be down on yourself right now. You are doing amazing! Look at all these people all over your journal and engaging with you! I think you fit just great, personally.
Thank you, I just hang in there a day at a time and do the best I can each day.
 

RussellSue

Not Active
You certainly have it together better than I do! I don't see you or anyone else as "weird".
I dunno, I'm pretty weird. I may or may not be the only female here with a facial deformity I have had since birth. I cope differently than most. It's just a fact.

You have it together just as well as everyone else, maybe even better than most because you are honest. I hope you don't have to change that but I understand what it's like to have anxiety, too, so I understand why you might feel like you need to protect yourself.
 

Kittie

Confident
We all have a problem with anxiety, here. You being open might trigger someone else's anxiety. That does happen. But it isn't something that you did that was wrong. It's just the nature of the situation of a bunch of people with anxiety/trauma disorders hanging out together.
I'll be more aware of that and choose my words more carefully. If I say anything that triggers anxiety in others. I'm not a benefit to the group. I wanted to be helpful. I felt it was easier to express myself typing than in person, because I tend to shy away.
I like you, @Kittie . I think you are amazing. I think that what you have to say is very valuable even if it does make people uncomfortable from time to time.
I wish I knew what I said wrong to make sure it doesn't happen again. I wish I could undo it. I'll definitely be more careful in the future, and my apologies.
 

Kittie

Confident
I dunno, I'm pretty weird. I may or may not be the only female here with a facial deformity I have had since birth. I cope differently than most. It's just a fact.
In my book, that doesn't make you weird. You're coping the best way you know how and that's a positive thing.
You have it together just as well as everyone else, maybe even better than most because you are honest. I hope you don't have to change that but I understand what it's like to have anxiety, too, so I understand why you might feel like you need to protect yourself.
I definitely don't have it together, I fall apart often. I want to fit in the best way I can that doesn't make anyone feel uncomfortable. I haven't interacted with people in so long, I've forgotten how.
 

Kittie

Confident
This community has changed a tremendous amount since I got here. It is ever-evolving. New people are showing up all the time and getting involved, changing the landscape in a hurry.
I didn't want to be one that changed anything in a negative way. I should read more of what others say and support them. That might be my best contribution.
 

Sadielady3

Confident
I definitely don't have it together, I fall apart often. I want to fit in the best way I can that doesn't make anyone feel uncomfortable. I haven't interacted with people in so long, I've forgotten how.
I interact with people on a daily basis through my job as a teacher. However, I wear a pretty cheerful mask and people think I'm doing really well mentally. Few people see the amount of duress I've been struggling with for the past couple of months. I isolate a lot in real life by choice- my life didn't actually change that much with the pandemic. I'm not really good at interacting genuinely with people either. I also often feel like I'm not journaling correctly on here but, like you, I kept deleting and throwing away journal entries, feeling like my words needed to go away. I don't have that option here. It's helpful that I don't have that control journaling here and can look back to see if there are patterns to my writing or to help me to identify triggers. It's good to keep your thoughts intact and I enjoy reading what you write- makes me feel less alone.
 

RussellSue

Not Active
In my book, that doesn't make you weird. You're coping the best way you know how and that's a positive thing.
And you are, too. And it's a positive thing.

I definitely don't have it together, I fall apart often. I want to fit in the best way I can that doesn't make anyone feel uncomfortable. I haven't interacted with people in so long, I've forgotten how.
It's hard to get used to people again. I had professors correcting my behavior in discussion forums for years before I felt human, again.

You'll find a way that works for you.

I may have missed something but I think some people were just afraid for you with this creepy guy in your driveway. They felt you might not be safe. In my book, it's alright for them to have fears for you and I feel that you did nothing wrong by discussing your situation. I am sure they feel the same.
 

RussellSue

Not Active
I didn't want to be one that changed anything in a negative way. I should read more of what others say and support them. That might be my best contribution.
There is nothing negative about you and others learning to cope and discuss life.

I really think you are expecting yourself to be way more than human.
 

Kittie

Confident
I interact with people on a daily basis through my job as a teacher. However, I wear a pretty cheerful mask and people think I'm doing really well mentally. Few people see the amount of duress I've been struggling with for the past couple of months.
That's my public appearance to strangers, "all is well". Few people knew me well since I became so different from the norm. I fit in at physical therapy because everyone had the same goal, to heal. I had friends there. After being released, I had my family. I had to appear strong for them.
I isolate a lot in real life by choice- my life didn't actually change that much with the pandemic. I'm not really good at interacting genuinely with people either.
The pandemic didn't change my lifestyle either. I actually feel more self confident in public with a mask.
I also often feel like I'm not journaling correctly on here but, like you, I kept deleting and throwing away journal entries, feeling like my words needed to go away. I don't have that option here. It's helpful that I don't have that control journaling here and can look back to see if there are patterns to my writing or to help me to identify triggers. It's good to keep your thoughts intact and I enjoy reading what you write- makes me feel less alone.
There were pages I wish I hadn't thrown away, because I've grown a lot since I started writing 25 years ago. Typing Yahoo messages and erasing them was helpful and offended no one, didn't even waste paper. This type of journaling is very different to me. I need to learn the correct way of doing so. If I've said anything that made you feel less alone, that makes me smile. No one should feel alone!
 

scout86

MyPTSD Pro
I should focus on others more than myself. My real joy is in making someone else feel better, then I feel I've served a purpose.
That's a lovely attitude .But, this particular PART of this place is YOUR diary. So it's perfectly ok to say what you want to. This space is about you, and that's totally the way it should be. Actually, there are a lot of people who have a hard time feeling that it's ok to make something about "them" and it might be good practice. The same thought with the idea of triggering someone somehow. That's part of life. This is a good, and reasonably safe, place to practice. Everyone gets "triggered" by something. We don't learn to cope by learning how to better avoid. You can focus on you in this space, and anyone else you want elsewhere. Don't worry about it!
 
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