Other Kundalini syndrome

[Hashi]

I think a transpersonal psychotherapist would be best placed to help you.

 

[ZoeAdama]

Thank you all for your posts about concerns and what you have heard and read. I appreciate your interes...

I know that it has been a couple of years since you posted this, but I hope my response still finds you. I had a spontaneous kundalini awakening about 10 years ago which occurred at the same time I was starting to deal with and realize the extent of the PTSD I,was dealing with. At the time the idea of complex PTSD had not really been talked about, but I now realize that is what I had been dealing with. I had been working some very intense metaphysical practices at the time, most of which set me up for the kundalini awakening. It was an extremely painful and difficult time and I eventually had to move away from those practices and people. I eventually got grounded and started on a true healing path. I hope this post still finds you, and finds you well.

 

[Hope4Now]

thanks for posting this @ZoeAdama
Sounds like a similar beginning experience as I had. I had been told to try meditation for chronic pain. Which I did. And over a course of weeks a lot of stuff began coming up. Then I had a cranial-sacral session in which an intense energy was released from the base of my spine, along with a spectacular visual experience. I had no idea what I was seeing or experiencing. The "symptoms" became increasingly intense. If you were ever to read the symptoms of kundalini syndrome and map them over the symptoms of severe and greatly delayed onset of PTSD, you'd find much correlation. You probably did. I sought and received help from a number of very experienced people, and I continue to pursue my healing path which includes continued spiritual practices but with more intention and structure, as well as intensive trauma therapy of various sorts, and continued bodywork of various sorts.

I just happened into a "perfect storm" of symptoms in which my spirituality, physicality, and emotionality (if that's a word) all unleashed simultaneously.

These days I'm far less interested in what to "name" what has happened to me. Over these few years I've learned that if you read enough and listen enough, everyone is talking about the same thing, basically. Just different vocabularies. Different perspectives. Different paths to healing.

I'm glad you are on a true healing path for yourself as well. I wish it weren't so hard for each of us to forge our own ways that work for us, but that's just the way it seems to be. If I'd known three years ago what I know now, I would have been spared so much confusion and fear. But, that is part of my journey, so be it.

May you be well.

 

[rascal]

I'm with you @Hope4Now

I was into using the language of kundalini to explain my symptoms last year. The work of Carl Jung really turned me onto this stuff, but I found I had to be careful. In a fragile, susceptible state of mind, a lot of spiritual work can lead you down blind alleys and dark pathways. I honestly think some of the kundalini material I was reading exacerbated my paranoia and magical thinking.

Now that I'm a bit better off (and after reading various spiritual perspectives ranging from Catholicism to Hinduism to the occult) I see that a lot of this is definitely tied to language, perspective, culture, etc. Some Hindu cultures expect these traumatic experiences or "spiritual awakenings" and have social pathways built in for people to pursue their spirituality and get the help they need without the stigma. It's much more accepted and expected than Western culture, though some people can apparently get stuck and become "god mad." I think the Western view is narrowly rationalist to the extent that if it doesn't fall under the purview of the medical establishment, people have a hard time making heads or tails of it. We have a very mechanized view of people, we are a "fix it" culture that sees things that don't work in the overall machinery as "disordered." It's an unfortunate way of looking at it all, in my opinion, because it creates more pain and obstacles to healing, but we gotta work with what we have I suppose.

The bottom line is we all want to stop suffering, I believe. Whatever words you choose to package your suffering in, if it gets you to healing, all the better. All the best!

 

[Norrin]

Hope4Now, how is it coming? I see it's been a couple years now. I had a Kundalini Activation (I prefer that term over "awakening" because I am not the 'wake' but the thing that's making the wake) about two years ago too.

Mine too centered in my sacrum to begin with. My heart felt like it was "sucking" energy in (like a black hole) and then my so-called 'third eye' center (pineal gland) felt like it was shooting energy out (like a nova). This was the first experience with it, but I've had many experiences since then too. More habitually, I started seeing synchronicities, changes in depth perception, energy block releases and sensations, and what I can only describe as clear evidence that I was in communion with a bonafide outer consciousness (unless it's my own subconsciousness gifted with omniscience? either way, wtf??) which seemed to know my mind better than I did (like, where I would look and for how long and such). I can also see patterns now almost anywhere I look (think, like the way you might start 'matrixing' shapes and lines out of the way light dances on water). It's too much to just quickly give a summary on, but that's a decent one. What I concluded off of only my own experiences at the beginning was this: the energies work their way through energy blocks at different chakras and energy meridians, and when they build up enough to bust through, ah, well I needed to pretty much clear my to-do list. "It" would drawn my attention to the things I needed in order to speed these processes up, pulling my attention towards specific things (colors, numbers, symbols, animals) that would act as 'signs' for me and which inadvertently helped me to newer energetic experiences. It would occasionally set me on courses to inadvertently meet the rare person who somewhat knew what I was going through (I think the experience is totally unique to the individual in some regards) and told me exactly what I needed to hear, leading me to the new right resources. It was like a treasure hunt.

I had pretty much nothing but blank stares and skepticism (at worst), and a kind of 'oh that's interesting' attitude (at best) from my friends and family, which told me "they just don't effing get it". So I largely knocked off talking about these experiences after initially getting a total tinfoil hat treatment. But the experiences are unmistakable, and more "real" than the mundane 3D world we all believe is normal. Basically, this is akin to a fish discovering what water is; that's my best attempt at concluding the what or why about it all. And it sucks to be doing it alone and having no way to talk about it short of risking sounding crazy. But, the experiences speak for themselves, as I'm sure you know, and nothing can undo the awareness they've unlocked in me. My intelligence was hard to ignore so that saved me from (total) pariahood from my loved ones, but I still feel isolated. It's a very happy time whenever I come across someone who had had these experiences, but even as I write and re-write and re-write parts of this, I'm extremely wary of what to say and not say based on the invalidation I've been met with. Maybe you can relate, but I couldn't talk about anything else once it kicked in and became a regular thing. Anything else was just a waste of time. It's something like.... knowing I'm a shaman in the making, but with absolutely no one to guide me. I'm still very glad for it, but I came across this post exactly because I'm still looking for answers myself. But what I do have is a wealth of experience and tips n tricks working with my own Kundalini after learning in isolation, which I'd be more than willing to share. I'm talking, discoveries I made for myself, not just a compilation of things I read in an impressionistic state online. I have little patience for internet gurus, that's not what I want to give. But I would love to hear about your experience working with your Kundalini energy, if anything I've said mirrors something you've experienced.

My favorite resource in this was the site Biology of Kundalini. I also have a feeling that learning about sacred geometry and the flower of life had something to do with it. I even think about what I was doing around fall/winter of 2012 and can't help but think.... huh, I was pretty energetically primed back then, if there was something to the Mayan 2012 prophecies... I'm an just guessing aloud. But biologyofkundalini is off the hook, and I have an ebook written by that site's author on methods she discovered during her Kundalini Awakening. I had discovered some of her pretty specific methods myself in isolation, so it gave me high faith in her as a resource. I'd be happy to e-mail the ebook to you if you would like.

Stay strong! Stronger than I've been lately; I've knocked off much of my energy work (Yoga and the like) while I try to get into a better living situation, so that I can 'practice' and foment my Kundalini energies closer to 24 hours a day. Even in my dreams, would be totally possible based on my experiences.... the hardest thing about this is that my Kundalini had a massive amount of needs, almost like taking care of a kid. And to ignore those needs becomes less and less and less of an option as time goes on. So that it needs so much is not the problem, but that expressing them met with total invalidation and the like from others? THAT was a problem. So it's important that Kundalini initiates get all the help they need, even when others don't understand it. That is totally conditional love, to only fully want to help if you 'get' someone or what they're going through. So I hope you are getting your new spiritual needs met and have been able to be more open about them than I have been able to. But all the same, I have no doubt that we are experiencing something reflective of inner strengths we unknowingly were maintaining for our whole lives, namely a spiritual receptivity and survival/growth urge that makes us something like spiritual winter soldiers. We are lucky for this, even if totally confused and ostracized and gaslighted.

All the best to you!! I know exactly how emotionally and spiritually brave you must be to be going through this.

 

[Powder]

First of all, I think that dissociation is not a pathology in itself. Children can do this, and often perceive things that adults have had "shut down" from lack of reinforcement. Essentially, most adults are not feeling rewarded by such things, until they have an epiphany, need/crisis, or awakening.

I had some of what you describe during a time of necessary growth. Yoga was something I was using almost daily to feel better and get through college. It was a good path for me at the time. But I feel that I pushed too far with it, and when I tried being vegan and doing sit meditation, it went into a healing crisis.

I could feel that the walls were coming down too fast.

When I would lie down at night to sleep, I was distracted by a strong, bright energy pushing up from the base of my spine and pelvis that "burned" as it ascended and got sort of stopped mid thorasic. I had read that Yoga can release Kundalini. And that it can seem unpleasant, especially for those with trauma. It felt blocked mid-way because there is a system of checks within us that keeps us from accessing too many powers and too many memories or too much information, for our own good.

I have found that with anything that is healing, after suffering, loss, or trauma, there is a sense of 'pain' at first, for me, and most of that is actually from "tension" from resistance. If I can "let go" and go with the flow of the healing work, or allowing, then the pain is no longer the key or even noticeable sensation. (Not true for childbirth, by the way. That just hurts; no two ways about it. But that's a different topic.) Similarly, however, you have to trust the process, however painful, and not resist. Resistance to what needs to happen for healing, artificially blocks the healing expression of the something, which takes healthy hurting and makes it into increased suffering, for all involved.

I don't know what Kundalini is, but I do think that it felt like I wasn't ready to release that energy yet. Just like power or authority, I don't want it if I'm not ready to handle it well. I don't want enlightenment or spiritual gifts anymore.

I focus on loving and accepting and being honest with myself, noticing more and more how my PTSD and prior abusive home life has numbed me to ways I could better express my compassion and creativity. Also, I see more how much life with this is a daily baby steps kind of life, and I need to learn to walk. I may never run. It is very hard for me to be integrated and use my heart and my head, or access or balance my chakras or those aspects of my being.

It is fortunate for me that besides experiencing some very severe traumas and abuse/neglect from my dark parents and their friends, I also have always carried my light with me that has kept me safe from harm. I need not worry about becoming evil, like them, because of this spiritual heritage that I believe people have in the very fabric of their being from their original source and soul's birth.

This is my faith, I suppose, and I have found that most try to express this 'same thing,' as you wisely said, in different ways, both within and outside trad religions or other avenues of creative expression.

I think it's a good sign for you. Even if it sometimes feels frustrating.

 

[Hope4Now]

@Norrin, for some reason, I never got notification of your post last year. I was only led back to this thread I started when someone new to the board private messaged me about it and I thought I ought to go back and look at what I'd written here. I was really happy to read your post tonight. I had pretty much given up on getting any responses to this thread from people who'd experienced this stuff. So...a belated thank you for sharing a little bit of your experience. Perhaps we can continue the conversation? How are you doing now?

 

[Hope4Now]

@Muse thank you for responding. As I said to Norrin, I never got notifications about people's responses to this thread, so I'm sorry I didn't respond to you! I really appreciate what you wrote. Especially about things getting blocked midway (which has been my experience).

 

[Fadeaway]

Be careful of those lists, they are horribly generic. People use the same lists to describe things like ascension sickness. Now, if you are actually practicing and putting in the intention and effort for kundilini awakening, while working with someone who actually knows what they are doing, then maybe that is what you are experiencing. I have seen people miss use it. I have only met one person in my life whom I think actually knew what they were doing.

 

[kilted]

I had a similar experience, but luckily my previous therapist was one of those old school ones who integrated both talk therapy and bodywork in her practice. She laid the foundations for the experience so I wasn't freaked out when it started to happen and I think that made a big difference to what happened.

It was a wonderful experience, it was the first time in my life that I was conscious of not being in pain or having anxiety. I felt "connected" and had access to an intuitive "knowing" that required no cognitive effort. As part of this I had an "understanding" that it was important not to hang on to the experience and that a return from this experiential state had to happen.

The difficult part was getting back down and grounding myself..... that was a pretty bumpy experience because I'd expected the group leaders to understand what was happening to me. Turned out they were more clueless than me. I managed to ground myself sort of OK. I got a bit pissed off with the leaders though..... regardless of whether what I experienced was some form of awakening or a seriously weird and intense C-PTSD dissociation they should have handled it better.

Looking back I think it was a concentrated rewiring/reconnecting process in my brain. It changed me and I can sense how it easy it would be to get stuck and experience LSD type flashbacks or altered states for a long time afterwards.

I don't seek to repeat the experience. Part of the process of going there was my trust in the leaders of that group, I thought they knew what they were doing. Now I realise they didn't so I'm much more wary than I was. I still do stuff, but I know I have to be responsible for myself in a way that I wasn't before.

 

[Hope4Now]

@Fadeaway thank you for the warning. I agree. There is a lot of junk out there on the internet and it is difficult to sort through lists of symptoms from various disciplines (Eastern spirituality, indigenous, Western medical, psychological). I have spent a lot of time over these past 3.5 years reading and researching and consulting with people who actually do understand the overlap between spiritual, physical and psychological experiences.

I understand now that what happened to me was a "perfect storm" in which physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual energies kind of exploded in me. It happened because in an attempt to calm my disabling chronic pain from fibromyalgia, I began an intensive meditation practice without proper preparation or knowledge. I also began having intensive body and energy work (massage, acupuncture, cranial-sacral therapy, reiki, polarity therapy, and pranic therapy). It was during this time that I had the intense physical experience that some people call the "kundalini rising." But I wasn't wanting it or expecting it. I didn't even know what it was until much later when I began reading about it and talking to yogis and I recognized from this information what had happened to me (what happened was consistent with the physical and mental experiences many people describe as kundalini blasts through the core). This focus on my body and energy brought down a lot of amnesic/dissociative barriers that eventually led to my psychological diagnoses and the trauma work I have been doing for 3.5 years.

The "solution" for Kundalini Syndrome is not so different from the "solution" for dealing with trauma symptomology. One needs to rest. Eat healthily. Learn how to "be" inside one's body. Learn grounding skills and spend time in nature. Practice mindfulness in activities to learn how to "be" in the present moment. Clear one's life of unnecessary stresses, etc. Intensive psychotherapy, and sometimes medications, can assist sufferers to understand and release the past trauma that is "caught" in the body so they can live in the present without suffering and drowning in the lingering consequences of their past experiences. This kind of psychological releasing is parallel to the clearing of energy fields that yogis focus on. I believe, though, that people who have experienced trauma have far more challenges in clearing energy fields than others who practice yoga and meditation do.

 

[waking_up]

I have been wondering where kundalini yoga can fit into my PTSD recovery. I'm a late-30s male living in a big city. In the past year I have been to about 40 kundalini yoga classes, all taught by extremely experienced (level 2) teachers.

Twice I got onto a roll and went to 6 classes on six days in a row. When that happens I find myself feeling the normal everyday sexual thoughts which I expect most people have had since puberty. "That girl is very pretty; it would be nice to kiss her", etc. Being able to feel my own potential sexual energy, and other people's, and to not have to feel anxiety about it.

The main way my PTSD has manifested since puberty is an arousal disorder. I've never been able to allow myself to sit with my sexual energies, or to use it to find a partner, touch or be touched, or have a relationship, etc. Instead it got subverted into pornography, anxiety, shame, thoughts of inadequacy, etc. I've been single and miserable my entire life; women have been interested in me but I've pushed them away; or I've been interested in them but had no way to express it. Kundalini energy feels like the unlocking of what has always been locked.

So I find the classes very powerful. I found myself feeling some low-level kundalini feelings, or at least sexual thoughts, afterwards. But I feel I would definitely need guidance not to go off on a huge binge, drinking alcohol, looking at porn, etc, when the energy rises up. I have had a therapy session with a kundalini teacher who is also a therapist, and that was useful though I hadn't at that time been diagnosed with PTSD. Now I have a very experienced trauma therapist I see each week, so I could talk about it with her.

For my recovery I need to abstain from masturbation - it's too deeply ingrained with negative self-belief and trauma - so to both undertake a practice of yoga while also attending regular kundalini classes will be challenging. But I think it's necessary for me to unlock what has been so deeply locked it won't come through other methods.