Sexual Assault Labelling what happened

[evannaj]

I have never thought of what happened to me as 'rape' - however, attending a training weekend earlier this year, their definition of rape included what happened to me. Laws of my country do not, while laws of others do. Recently in counselling it was also described as rape by an experienced counsellor. This has made me realise that it's a subjective term.

I never thought a label would have as much of an impact on me as it has. The idea that I might have been raped has really messed with my and my views of myself - even though it hasn't changed what happened at all. It was the same when I was diagnosed with PTSD. I went to the doctor myself with a query of PTSD, expecting a diagnosis only to help put me on the right treatment path, not to change my thoughts and feelings about myself and conditions.

However, I feel like I'm now questioning myself, and I'm not even sure why. It has been a long time since I've questioned my strength of character, but realising that I might have been raped has made me feel helpless and weak all of a sudden - I feel in some kind of termoil about it, like everything has been thrown upside down.

Has anyone else felt like that? I've had a long time to figure out how my own mind works, and to predict how I would react to things like this. But now I'm not so sure about anything anymore

 

[MrMoonlight]

Such a terrible place to be, sorry you went through that @evannaj

I can relate to a lot of what you say. Seeing murder/attempted murder on a thread of mine was shocking to me at the time. Just a few days ago I realized someone close to me may be a narcissist. That's shocking but as you may expect I want confirmation from my therapist because I don't trust myself.

The fact that you mentioned character means you probably have it in spades.

 

[evannaj]

Such a terrible place to be, sorry you went through that @evannaj

I can relate...

I'm sorry that happened to you, it must have been awful... It's strange how a label can change how you feel so much, just one small word. You wouldn't think it could have such an impact on top of what actually happened

 

[Saywhat]

... It's strange how a label can change how you feel so much,

YES. The healing process for me really took off once I began examining the label and what would lead a professional or support group to stick it on me. I'd heard "PTSD" applied to 20 years ago. I understood some of what it meant (jumpy was the only thing I could identify with, and that was the least of the symptoms I had for all those years) but rejected it mostly because I understood it as only valid for war veterans and persons who'd experienced readily-identifiable traumatic events. I was unable to see the readily-identifiable traumatic events in my own life because of that and because I couldn't see the stories constantly running in my head. Those I could see, I couldn't accept as valid.

For me, it's been important to finally understand personal events in different contexts. Understanding crap that happened from the perspective of trauma helped me access appropriate emotions and then express them. Now so much of that stuff doesn't leak out sideways, which reduces the symptoms.

Best to you on your healing journey.

 

[Abstract]

Sometimes not calling it that can be because you don't realise what all constitutes that act. There can however also be a protective role in avoiding labels like this. A way of avoiding feelings of being a victim or even denying being harmed. A way of feeling more in control and separating yourself from the reality. You are strong still. You are the same person as what was done to you takes nothing away from who you are. Facing the reality can be painful but allow you to work through the real feelings and experience and heal.