I have been avoiding this forum for several days because I have really run through every emotion after my break-up with my BF. I have beaten myself up, been angry at him, been crying so hard, been content, etc. I think all of this is normal after a break-up. I am getting better every day and for that I am thankful. I love deeply, so I grieve what is lost deeply ~ but I heal and feel renewed eventually.
My ex and I are getting together next week for some closure. On this I have been waffeling back and forth ...what do I say, what do I need to say...etc. Whatever I say it will be for my own personal healing. I am not a yeller, I am not an angry person, I will not be hostile as it is simply not my nature. But I will be very clear when I talk to him.
One thing I know is that as I read "my story" over and over again, told by different women but all of the situations are the same I have come to the realization that these men are not in control of their symptoms. In fact, they are quite out of control! When these men are so loving and attentive for quite a while as our loving boyfriends then suddenly drop off the face of the earth it triggers abandonment issues with the one they left behind. The questions come...."what did I do?", "was it something I said?", etc. Then we try to "fix" them or "help" them when really there is no help but within themselves. I have even played scenerios in my head where I would be willing to compromise my happiness to help him. Thank goodness these did not escape my head and I did not do them....that would be unfair to me.
A relationship involves two people and when one person is not longer able to be a part of the relationship and cannot communicate the problem or is unwilling to get help for their issues then it is no longer a realationship. It becomes one person trying to hold on to what was....and the other person has already left the building... I would have been patient if he would have been trying to get help or trying to communicate what was going on.
The thing about it all is.....I was doing everything I could to learn about combat ptsd, I have a busy life so his needing space at times was actually quite okay with me, I am a patient kind person and as long as I understand and feel loved I am okay, I really did love this man for exactly who he is...cows in or out.
Oh well...live and learn I guess. Thank you to everyone here...you are great. It is heartwarming to see that there are caring men and women out there with ptsd that are getting the help they need to live full lives. You are amazing!! Much love!!
My ex and I are getting together next week for some closure. On this I have been waffeling back and forth ...what do I say, what do I need to say...etc. Whatever I say it will be for my own personal healing. I am not a yeller, I am not an angry person, I will not be hostile as it is simply not my nature. But I will be very clear when I talk to him.
One thing I know is that as I read "my story" over and over again, told by different women but all of the situations are the same I have come to the realization that these men are not in control of their symptoms. In fact, they are quite out of control! When these men are so loving and attentive for quite a while as our loving boyfriends then suddenly drop off the face of the earth it triggers abandonment issues with the one they left behind. The questions come...."what did I do?", "was it something I said?", etc. Then we try to "fix" them or "help" them when really there is no help but within themselves. I have even played scenerios in my head where I would be willing to compromise my happiness to help him. Thank goodness these did not escape my head and I did not do them....that would be unfair to me.
A relationship involves two people and when one person is not longer able to be a part of the relationship and cannot communicate the problem or is unwilling to get help for their issues then it is no longer a realationship. It becomes one person trying to hold on to what was....and the other person has already left the building... I would have been patient if he would have been trying to get help or trying to communicate what was going on.
The thing about it all is.....I was doing everything I could to learn about combat ptsd, I have a busy life so his needing space at times was actually quite okay with me, I am a patient kind person and as long as I understand and feel loved I am okay, I really did love this man for exactly who he is...cows in or out.
Oh well...live and learn I guess. Thank you to everyone here...you are great. It is heartwarming to see that there are caring men and women out there with ptsd that are getting the help they need to live full lives. You are amazing!! Much love!!
