General Lazyness Vs. Perfectionism

[Deleted member 28812]

I am shocked that what I wrote here made it sound like my husband is constantly screaming at me and belitteling me. He is not.
He is sometimes barking orders, he is sometimes nagging but he is rarely screaming. At least what we in our country call screaming. He did this on very few occasions.

It's not like he is being overly critical on me and soft on himself. It's not like this. He is overly hard on himself. It's the nature of his illness and he cannot snatch out of it and he is so hard on himself that sometimes he cannot do simple things because he thinks he will fail, he will contaminate everything.
Other times he goes into a cleaning frenzy.

Yes, he tells me to be quick. I think sometimes it is related to his contamination issues. There is something dirty and he cannot remove it and then he has to wait for me to do it and then he tells me "quick, quick, quick", but is overly demanding of how I do it - because he does not want me to to endanger the family.
Sometimes he just tells me "quick, quick" just because without a particular reason. He thinks I am disorganized.

It's so easy to say "look at him. He must change his ways" and I am crying now, not because of anything you said but because I realized that I made it sound like I am living with a nasty drill sergeant.:(

Yes, I wish he would change his ways and stop sweating the small stuff and become less... tense.

But in the long run I am living with a man who loves me and the kids deeply and is just so loyal and will put himself last in most things big and small.

I did not want to smear my guy. Sometimes I just need to talk about things :(.

 

[Peach]

Oh no, I'm so sorry! Perhaps my example of the drill sergeant was inaccurate, I didn't mean to imply that he actually yells at you all the time, just that different people utilize and respond to different types of motivation.

You have every right to talk things out here, it doesn't make you a bad wife or mean that you're smearing his character. There have been one or two occasions where I wrote a post and someone found some negativity where none was meant and it made me feel awful afterwards. I think it's just the medium, only being able to read what someone is thinking and feeling, but not being able to hear the tone or see gestures and facial expressions. Hell, I've even become a little restless about my own slow pace with Tater this week, so maybe I projected my frustration onto you?

Again, I'm sorry. It is clear you love him and think the world of him. He may be a little tense at times (who of these sufferers isn't?), but he's your man, and if you can deal with/accept/appreciate his quirks then that is all that matters. If he could stop feeling so stressed about contamination, of course, he would, but he can't and so he deals with it the best way he can.

:hug:

 

[Knak]

I did not want to derail this thread but mine is just the opposite.

There are chores he cannot do bec...

Speaking as one who has C-PTSD, I cannot do things I do not want to do but if I like to do it, I get so absorbed I can skip getting out of my pajamas, eating breakfast, lunch and dinner, or work into the night.
Having unchangeable opinions is because of being stuck by past unresolved pain that won't let me grow or be open. It isn't in my control. EMDR seems the only way I can get past things. I never knew my brain could be different until it happened after I started EMDR.

 

[Sighs]

@Lemontree - my man is also very demanding and exacting - of himself even more so than of others. I understand what you are saying - it doesn't mean you don't love him - it just wears you down sometimes trying to be perfect.