We tend to be our own worst enemies with our self-talk. I can relate. I was almost bed ridden for quite some time and had way too much time to think and judge myself.
I had to consciously and purposely flip my internal script by imagining I was speaking to a loved one instead and practicing much kinder self-talk daily, even looking in the mirror and telling myself good things instead of the usual harshness, and talking to my pains and particular body parts that no longer work as well as they once did, which felt weird as hell at first, but eventually became routine and just another part of my particular flavor of "weirdness".
It helped create a forward momentum some days when there otherwise would not have been. Not all the time, but much of the time. More often than when I didn't, that's for sure. Baby steps. We typically look in mirrors to check our reflections so we know we appear presentable enough to others, but never for ourselves, unless we're looking for a close up of our external flaws, of course. Made me think and it made a difference.
No one else was waiting around to shower me with kindness, compassion, nurturing, and/or self-empowering words to build me up. As a matter of fact, I was unknowingly surrounded with people and things working hard to bring me down, albeit subtly and slowly and often from a place of well-intended care. From the things I ingested, applied to my being, allowed in my space, and the thoughts I allowed in my head. Tox-sick-city around every turn. It's no wonder there's hardly a healthy human left.
No adult in my childhood had ever been a healthy role model demonstrating healthy relationships or consumption, most especially with learning how to healthily love self. I had no clue what to do, but I was real damn clear on what not to do. I discovered I had to seek out things that brought me genuine joy and make it a point to do more of that to keep me distracted from my own internal demise.
We often suffer from things external bullies put us through, but rarely think twice about the suffering our well-practiced internal bully can create. Our cells are always listening. The body doesn't forget, no matter how far back we try to tuck it away. I've tried repeatedly and failed miserably.
I don't know what strategies will work best for you, but here's hoping some relief is on the way. I found mine in some of the damnedest places. I wish you wellness in your pursuits.
