Lets Talk About Sex And His Guilt

[Zipperhead]

Okay, I'm still abit upset over this post. I tried subtlety, but it's not working for me. I find it odd that people recognise that PTSD is a real condition, and accept that the stigma is unjustified and counter productive, and yet question whether the sufferer is being sincere. There seems to be a reoccuring theme of yeah but, and allot of doubt. The stigma is still close at hand. The mistrust and doubt is every where. No wonder I went 3 years before I actually asked for help.

 

[LoyalOne]

Prettysmile, intense emotion kind of freaks them out. Sgt has been having terrible problems asking girls out or sleeping with them since he got out, and he feels like a major f ing idiot about it. He's got some kind of block in his head about it.

This seemed really odd to me, because he is ***generalization alert!!!!*** usually as naughty as our mothers warned us about servicemen... but I guess it is part of the PTSD insecurity. He is so convinced of his worthlessness that he gives up before he starts. He just thinks he isn't going to be able to do it right, I guess.

If I were you, I would stop asking your guy about cheating. If he isn't cheating, the repeated questioning will kill him. If he IS cheating, it's not like he is just going to say; 'Oh, hell I admit it!' So either way, I don't see the asking helping much. :(

 

[Dee Morris]

Okay, I'm still abit upset over this post. I tried subtlety, but it's not working for me. I find it odd that people recognise that PTSD is a real condition, and accept that the stigma is unjustified and counter productive, and yet question whether the sufferer is being sincere. There seems to be a reoccuring theme of yeah but, and allot of doubt. The stigma is still close at hand. The mistrust and doubt is every where. No wonder I went 3 years before I actually asked for help.

My intention was not to upset you. I simply stated my POV.

 

[doglover]

Zipperhead, I understand where you're coming from. There's still lots of room for understanding and enlightenment.

Also try to understand, many of us ladies have been burned very badly by men who just take what they want and then leave, and who promised the moon to get what they wanted. Some of us try really hard to leave that junk behind before it clouds our impressions but even with all that effort it's not always easy.

@Prettysmile I agree with LoyalOne about the questions. It's an area that gives him trouble. I think rather than questioning repeatedly, you could reinforce him being open about his feelings on this. How? By showing some understanding and appreciation for the honesty. Make it "okay" to be open with you. And he'll be less likely to shut you out in the future.

 

[Prettysmile]

But then if something happens that gives you lots of joy and happiness - you feel like you aren't allowed to feel that way, and the guilt kicks up. Maybe something like that is happening here.

All of you had really good point of views when it came to my post. But I think dog lovers explanation makes the most sense to me. Now that I am understanding my marine more it makes the most sense. Although he is a wonderful, outstanding man and everyone tells him that; he always feels that he is not worthy of happiness. He always ask me "why do you love m?, why do you want to stay with me?" My response has always been (even before I discovered he had PTSD) was " what girl wouldnt want to be with you? Your amazing. You are every girls dream.." But its never good enough. It saddens me to see that he doesn't see what other people see when it comes to the man he is.He constantly tells me I deserve better. I always tell him he doesn't give himself enough credit. I don't know what to do to make him feel otherwise.

Zipperhead, You sound alot like my Marine. Trust me as your partners, we really want to understand but have no idea what first step to take. Our intimacy is becoming less and less. I think its even sad that he avoids me because he knows that he will attempt to and will freak out once he does try. I Believe that its true zipperhead that he does feels some extreme anxiety when we do become intimate. Because the few times when we do actually get through it. He immediately has to leave, claims he has errands to run and then I don't see him for the rest of the day. It doesnt make me feel too good to be quite honest. But atleast now I know why and wont take it personal. There is alot more I could be worried about when it comes to his condition. If this is the worst thing I have to deal with, I can live with it.

 

[Prettysmile]

Also try to understand, many of us ladies have been burned very badly by men who just take what they want and then leave, and who promised the moon to get what they wanted. Some of us try really hard to leave that junk behind before it clouds our impressions but even with all that effort it's not always easy.

Exactly...

 

[Whereveryougo]

Okay, I'm still abit upset over this post. I tried subtlety, but it's not working for me. I find it odd that people recognise that PTSD is a real condition, and accept that the stigma is unjustified and counter productive, and yet question whether the sufferer is being sincere. There seems to be a reoccuring theme of yeah but, and allot of doubt. The stigma is still close at hand. The mistrust and doubt is every where. No wonder I went 3 years before I actually asked for help.

I have been dating my Sgt for only 4 months but one thing I know is PTSD is real condition and my Sgt is very sincere. He has been through 3 tours and been in 11 yrs to come home last year and have his dad die in his arms 2 months later from cancer. We moved in together and I have read everything I can get my hands on. I can tell you sex 3 times in four months is not easy when I love him so much. He walked in and stole my heart the 1st night not to mention the staying up all night and never wanting to leave the house but when you love them you stick around for next phase and I am willing to do just that!

 

[Lady of Longbourn]

Its hard to understand PTSD and sex. Glad you are starting to get a different view of it and listening. ( even if it does or does not fit your situation).