It seems impossible that there should be so many issues within one person! I came to this site because one of my sisters recently told me that she's got PTSD instead of being bi-polar as she'd been telling me she was for years now.
I had heard about ptsd before, run across it in my research about long term effects of domestic violence (my own issue) and was both heartened and horrified to see many of my own 'symptoms' for lo these many years laid out like ducks in a row! Heartened because it makes SENSE, horrified because of all the wasted years, and feeling like it's too late now.
Throw in gaps in my childhood memories, which my mother and sisters can only partly fill in, and the fact that one of my sisters is struggling with hypothyroid issues, while yet another has painful topics to address from childhood on ... of the four of us, not one is exempt. Is it family dynamics, DNA, what?
Add to the mix that all of us are now into or entering menopause. We are OLD already, merciful heavens, where have our LIVES gone?!?! Yet I for one do not feel all that old most of the time. LOL
A few months ago I had an 'episode' you might call it. After a long northern winter and trying to deal with issues that a letter from my daughter motivated me to dig into, I just woke up crying one day and it wouldn't stop.
I also work in a medical-related field where my elderly people, whom I come to love, die on a regular basis - and so I grieve for them and the effects accumulate until it's overwhelming.
On top of it all I can't seem to manage my budget.
I asked for and got help. Turns out that northern climes require vitamin D, which helps enormously when it comes to SAD (Seasonal Affect Disorder); then there are hormonal things, which red clover tea (amazingly enough) can, and in my case does, help remedy. I was already taking B complex and multi-vitamins, and using chamomile as a calming influence, so at least I had been doing SOMETHING right. I switched to night shifts, to give me less personal time with my elders, to hopefully minimize the depth of attachment and thereby reduce the impact of their deaths. My oldest daughter is a social worker at a facility like the one I work at; she calls it 'compassion fatigue'. A financial manager is hopefully going to work with me to get my non-existent budget under control. A shrink gave me instruction about 'mindfulness', a good tool for sure.
From feeling as though the knot at the end of my rope was unraveling between my fingers, I'm now at least hopeful.
I have good days and some not so good days; reading the stories of others makes me realize how very NOT ALONE I am. Regret for the wasted years of my life is balanced by the knowledge that I've done the best I can. Relief at discovering legitimate reasons for most of my symptoms is countered by rage at the situations which gave them to me.
At times, although not often, I see that my ex-husband is blithely living the good life we were supposed to have shared while I've been damaged beyond full recovery, and a bit of resentment sets in. I did not do this to myself - he did - so how come is it that I'm the only one paying the price? Thoughts like that are ones I try to banish as quickly as possible because they're NOT good for me. Still, they creep in.
Mostly life is a matter of getting by and getting on with it as best I can manage. Not exactly utopia, but better than some of the times I've been through - by a long shot!
So that's me. I'm very happy to have found this forum and hope to be able to spend some time here between sleeping and working ... !! I see much encouragement here, good ideas to try, solid research leads to explore, and much TLC. Thank you oh so very much for being here.
shebug
I had heard about ptsd before, run across it in my research about long term effects of domestic violence (my own issue) and was both heartened and horrified to see many of my own 'symptoms' for lo these many years laid out like ducks in a row! Heartened because it makes SENSE, horrified because of all the wasted years, and feeling like it's too late now.
Throw in gaps in my childhood memories, which my mother and sisters can only partly fill in, and the fact that one of my sisters is struggling with hypothyroid issues, while yet another has painful topics to address from childhood on ... of the four of us, not one is exempt. Is it family dynamics, DNA, what?
Add to the mix that all of us are now into or entering menopause. We are OLD already, merciful heavens, where have our LIVES gone?!?! Yet I for one do not feel all that old most of the time. LOL
A few months ago I had an 'episode' you might call it. After a long northern winter and trying to deal with issues that a letter from my daughter motivated me to dig into, I just woke up crying one day and it wouldn't stop.
I also work in a medical-related field where my elderly people, whom I come to love, die on a regular basis - and so I grieve for them and the effects accumulate until it's overwhelming.
On top of it all I can't seem to manage my budget.
I asked for and got help. Turns out that northern climes require vitamin D, which helps enormously when it comes to SAD (Seasonal Affect Disorder); then there are hormonal things, which red clover tea (amazingly enough) can, and in my case does, help remedy. I was already taking B complex and multi-vitamins, and using chamomile as a calming influence, so at least I had been doing SOMETHING right. I switched to night shifts, to give me less personal time with my elders, to hopefully minimize the depth of attachment and thereby reduce the impact of their deaths. My oldest daughter is a social worker at a facility like the one I work at; she calls it 'compassion fatigue'. A financial manager is hopefully going to work with me to get my non-existent budget under control. A shrink gave me instruction about 'mindfulness', a good tool for sure.
From feeling as though the knot at the end of my rope was unraveling between my fingers, I'm now at least hopeful.
I have good days and some not so good days; reading the stories of others makes me realize how very NOT ALONE I am. Regret for the wasted years of my life is balanced by the knowledge that I've done the best I can. Relief at discovering legitimate reasons for most of my symptoms is countered by rage at the situations which gave them to me.
At times, although not often, I see that my ex-husband is blithely living the good life we were supposed to have shared while I've been damaged beyond full recovery, and a bit of resentment sets in. I did not do this to myself - he did - so how come is it that I'm the only one paying the price? Thoughts like that are ones I try to banish as quickly as possible because they're NOT good for me. Still, they creep in.
Mostly life is a matter of getting by and getting on with it as best I can manage. Not exactly utopia, but better than some of the times I've been through - by a long shot!
So that's me. I'm very happy to have found this forum and hope to be able to spend some time here between sleeping and working ... !! I see much encouragement here, good ideas to try, solid research leads to explore, and much TLC. Thank you oh so very much for being here.
shebug
